2 Absurd Introductions
Queropean Continent, Great Elven Forest...
"AHHHHHHH-ahhhhhhhh-er, uhhhhh..."
The sensation of falling stopped and I can see again with... Whatever I have in place of an eye. First observation, I don't have my HUD anymore. Well, that's inconvenient.
So, assuming what Aw-thuh told me, I should be in another world now.
I'm looking straight ahead, probably meaning that I'm in my first person mode, and all I'm seeing are... Trees? To be specific, a canopy of trees. They seem to be Conifers, or at least what I think are Conifers since there are many cones on lots of them.
If memory serves right and also if what applies on Earth also applies to this world, then it should be right around spring, as the leaves are at a rather lively green color, it doesn't also seem to be raining nor is it snowing, and none of the trees looks like it's leaves are about to fall.
So from what I'm seeing with chlorophyll-ed trees that look fairly similar to Earth's, this world should be habitable. Great, looks like I'm not forced to survive in a desolate world, or at least a desolate part of this world, though I still don't know what I am, and if I'm at a height where I can see the canopies, then I'm probably really tall, and therefore probably not human.
Welp, that's interesting.
I tried moving my limbs and, yep, don't have limbs. So I'm currently stationary, don't know what I am except that I am very tall. So uh, am I a tree??? Wait, how can I see?! That's a question for later I guess.
Since I somehow also cannot turn my head, or whatever I have in place of it, I can only see a few parts of the sky. There are a few clouds, some look like it might be cumulus with maybe a bit of stratus, but otherwise the weather is clear. it's day time, if what the bright light in the sky thats probably a star isn't deceiving me.
So yeah, that's about it for my observation, nothing too out of the ordinary compared to Earth.
And yeah, WHERE THE HELL IS ARTHUR? OR MY SYSTEM WHATEVER!? I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA INFORM ME OF MY SITUATION-
*Ding*
*BZZZTTTT*
W-woah!
My HUD suddenly came back, and this time... There's a whole lot of things, and a lot more numbers now. Yep, definitely gonna ask him.
*Poof*
The emoticon that is arthur appeared in my HUD interface again, on the top right corner to be specific, looking a bit haggard, if I can interpret what his emoji means.
[Hello, sorry for the delay, I had to edit your HUD a lot. The God who contracted me wanted for you to be... This thing, so it's kinda weird.]
Took you long enough! God Damnit Arthur, are you there? I tried speaking but I don't think I can produce a voice, so I hope I can communicate with you telepathically or something.
[Don't worry, I'm inside your head and can understand every thought you have.]
Whew, that's good-wait a sec, isn't that bad? Can you see my memories too? My mind at all times?
[Well... Sometimes... But you don't have to worry about that, it's not like I can do anything with it to be begin with. I'm just here to help you out with your new life and provide you company. Also, since I'm gonna be here technically for an indefinite period of time, we better start familiarizing and getting used to each other, hehe.]
Oh, c'mon, so I won't get privacy? Even in my thoughts?
[Technically, but I won't be talking too much, unless I deem it necessary, so you don't have to worry about my voice.]
Ugh, fine. Just don't annoy me too much.
[Affirmative, I shall keep annoying you but only to a minimum, as to not annoy you 'too much'.]
Oh for-, you know what, just explain everything to me and what the heck is this HUD in front of me? I can understand some stuff, like there's a radar mini-map on the bottom right corner, and several bars of varying colors are on the upper left corner... that I'm not sure what it exactly says but there is a grey bar labeled "fuel"? And also what the hell am I?
[Good, let's jump into it, and I'll be explaining everything to you. First, you're probably aching to know what you are right now?]
Absolutely. Been wondering that. I've noticed that I'm also very tall, and also why can't I move my vision?
[We will get to that later. First, look at the bottom left corner of your HUD, and there should be two buttons called CVs (Camera Views), and POVs (Point Of Views). If you can see it, please press the POV button, then 3rd person view after that as you are currently in first person.]
Uhuh... So do I just "think", of it getting pressed, like last time?
[Yes.]
Okay, I pressed it... and I kind of feel dizzy...
My vision darkens and...
My vision come backs and I'm...
Oh, uh...
What the fuck.
[Yeah, I know.]
Is-is this my body...? Is this even a body??? Am I seeing this right?
[Yes. You can look around it with your 3rd person view mode.]
...So....
Who the hell decided for this to be what I'm going to be reincarnated into?! I'm not even a biological being, much less a human, what the hell even am I? On first thought, I look like a tank but holy hell what the heck is that main body?! That's practically a fortress! Also, I'm ridiculously huge! If you compare the size of those tank treads to the trees, then, Jesus Christ...
[Sorry, that's what my contractor told me. So yeah...]
Was your so-called contractor high on drugs when he thought of this?
[I'm not sure, but there is a possibility.]
Oh God damn. This looks like it'll be a long day, huh?
[Probably.]
Right...
Now, mind telling me what exactly I am? I look like an oversized chess Rook put on top of an oversized tank. Actually, now that I think about it, this body of mine looks like a... Flak... Tower, if I remember correctly???
[You're right on the mark. Specifically, your new body is based on Flakturm VII G-Tower, located on Vienna, Austria. It is, of course, modified so it isn't exactly the same.]
Oh. So whose idea was it to bring a 50 meter tall, steel-reinforced-concrete fortress, and put it on fucking tank tracks that make the non-existent Ratte a literal rat compared to it? It probably dwarfs the NASA Crawler too.
How the hell is this so-called body of mine even going to move? How the hell am I not sinking into the ground without any foundations and reinforcement???
How the hell is any of this practical?! And most importantly, WHY THE FUCK AM I A FLAK TOWER?!
[You're in a fantasy world, you know very well how logical this is. And by logical, I mean not very.]
Ah-well, you do have a point.
[Anymore questions?]
No, go on. I'll just ask later. I think asking anymore questions without further lore would be useless at this point.
[Good, now with that aside, to start things off, I'll show you your <<STATUS>> which should show everything you have currently with elaborate descriptions.]
Okay, so, do I just say <<STATUS>>, right here in my mind?
[Yes, and just think of the word <<EXIT>> or <<BACK>> if you want to escape the interface.]
Alright, that helps. Thanks.
[I am only doing my duties, dear host.]
Yeah, yeah... *Phantom cough* <<STATUS>>!
...
--<<[STATUS]>>--
(Note: Don't expect accurate nor close to accurate calculations, these are all just back of the envelope calculations, with many factors not considered. I'm warning you.)
Level 1: 0/10 XP
Coins: 0
Current Skill points: 0
Name: Carlos Puta
Former Nationality: "Tanginamo"
Current Nationality: Does it look you have a Nationality? You're a fucking SPAA on crack.
Kind: Self-Propelled Flaktower
Race: Unique Magical Golem
Class: Titan-Class
>>>Description:
Shape: hexadecagonal (16-sided) prism tower, with 8 gun platforms extended on the sides. 13-stories high.
Height: 55 m (without caterpillar tracks) 64 meters (with caterpillar tracks)
Diameter: 43 meters
Total Mass: 223,390 metric tons
Engine: Internal Magical Combustion-Powered, Physics-Defying, Ultra-Efficient, Near-Frictionless Fortress-Moving Engine (IMCPDUENFFME)
Equipped with Magical-Black-Hole-Heat-Absorbing-Unit (MBHHAU) to prevent it from exploding from excessive heat generation. Composed of unknown, magically-augmented super materials.
Also enchanted with one of the most powerful enchantments in all of magic: "Throw the laws of conservation of energy down the drain" enchantment.
Horse Power: 48,980,000 HP đđđđ¤
(yep, I know how ludicrous this is, just don't think too much about it. I tried calculating the numbers, and ended up with that. It also might/is probably inaccurate but hey, It's isekai after all.)
Mana Fuel Regeneration: 50 Liters AMF (Armageddon Mana Fuel) per hour. Automatic refueling happens only when engine is completely stopped.
Maximum Mana Fuel Capacity: 2000 AMF Liters
Mana Fuel Consumption: 5 AMF L/km
Top Speed: 60km/h
Average Speed: 20km/h
Armor:
2.5 m thick steel-reinforced, concrete on all sides of the "Tower" or the Turret.
2.5 meter steel-reinforced concrete on glacis plate and frontal armor, also plated with an extra 500mm sloped steel armor.
1000 mm steel on side armor of Caterpillar tracks and driver sprockets.
2.5 meter steel-reinforced concrete on the rear.
2 meter steel-reinforced concrete underside armor.
Parts: Ultra-stable and ultra powerful suspension, transmission, and other chassis to prevent it from collapsing from sheer weight, and sheer power output, and also enchanted with the extremely rare "Not giving a fuck about tension, shear, and compressive forces from gravity and itself" magic. It is vulnerable to outside attacks though, for some reason.
>>> Current Armaments and it's locations:
(Note: All guns and armaments are loaded, directed, and shot automatically or manually upon the order and maneuvering of host, making crew unnecessary.)
8.8 cm Flak 18 -
- 8 pieces, each placed in the extended gun platforms on the side of the tower.
- 2 pieces, located on two of the 4 gun platforms on top of the tower.
8.8 cm Kwk 36 (Kampfwagenkanone) -
- 2 pieces, 1 pieces located on each-side of the tank sprockets for defense on the side. Think of it like the big willie tank where there are cannons in its side.
- 1 piece located on frontal plate.
128 mm Pak 44
- 2 pieces, retrofitted in the middle rotating midsection of the tower, side by side the 42 cm Big Bertha.
MG 131 -
- 4 pieces, located on the top of the tower, placed on equal intervals on several gun platforms.
- 4 pieces, 2 pieces each located near the tank track's sprockets for defense.
-2 pieces on glacis plate.
-2 pieces on rear plate.
42 cm kurze Marinekanone 14 L/12 stationarily mounted (without wheels, mounted like an AAA) -
- 1 piece, retrofitted in a rotating midsection of the tower.
Current Total Armaments:
- 12 Machine Guns
- 10 Anti-aircraft Artillery
- 3 Tank guns
- 2 Anti-Tank guns
- 1 Siege Cannon
>>>Available Ammunition (infinite ammunition, though there is a limit to the amount per day. If you exhausted your ammunition for the day, then you will not get resupplied until the following day.):
- Armor Piercing
- High Explosive(Proximity Fuze, Barometric Fuze, Impact Fuze, Timer Fuze)
- Tracers
- Smoke
- Canister Rounds
>>>Abilities:
Damage Indicator - If parts and internal machinery is somehow damaged through mundane or magical means, then an X-Ray view will pop up, indicating where the damage is done.
Magical Repair Tool (Lvl. 1) - Once damage is found, you will be able to repair it, granted you think of the letter <<F>> for it to work. Take notice that only once you have seen the damage, only then will you be able to fix that part.
Repairing Speed will depend on how great the damage is and how many skill points you use in upgrading the ability.
Open Hatch - There is a metal hatch located under the hull of the Flak Tower. Can be opened and closed at will to let entities inside, potentially seeking protection.
Rotating Tower (Lvl.1) - the Entire 50 meter tower can rotate to desired direction at a speed of about 4 degrees per second.
Rotating speed can increase if skill points are given.
Coordinated Gun Attacks - You can choose what guns to be active and what guns to not be active when firing.
Toggleable Crosshair - Depending on your mode of vision, you can toggle on or off a phantom cross hair that you can aim, and all selected active Armaments will try to point all their weapons toward the direction the cross hair is pointing at. If a chosen Armament is not able to aim to the direction that you are pointing, then it will be disabled temporarily until it is pointed into a more appropriate direction.
Take notice that rotating the tower can also vastly affect the way certain Armaments are pointed.
Binocular Vision with Range Finder - Available in both 3rd person and First Person Camera Views, you can use Binocular Vision where you can zoom in and out.
Terrestrial Broadside - Shoot all heavy caliber guns that are able to be pointed at the indicated direction of the crosshair.
Fire - Fire selected Armaments.
Continuous Fire - Let all selected Armaments fire continuously at chosen direction.
Predictive Barrage Fire (Lvl. 1) - All selected armaments will fire at computed possible predicted location of an entity. Take note that only one entity can be focused at the same time with this ability.
Adding skillpoints will increase potential of this ability.
Singular Manual Firing - Select a single piece of armament to manually aim and fire.
Airstrike (Lvl. 0) - Not yet obtained. Complete missions to acquire.
Helicopter Hangar (Lvl. 0) - Not yet obtained. Complete missions to acquire.
Summon Autonomous Tanks (Lvl. 0) - Not yet obtained. Complete missions to acquire.
Point of Views - Change point of Views:
> 1st Person > Can access camera views (CVs)
> 3rd Person View/Spectator View > non-colliding, 360° vision and can travel around the main body as long as it is within a 50 meter radius from it. Any farther than that, then your vision will be forcefully brought to the center of your body.
Camera Views - Numerous cameras found in the body to look at different first person angles.
> Internal Cameras - Cameras that can be selected to monitor situation inside of the body.
> External Cameras - Cameras and periscopes located outside the body in guns, armor, underside, bogies, and many more, to see outside of the body.
Magical Minimap (Lvl.1) - A vague, flat radar representation of what is within a 1 km radius from your body in real time. Living beings who are not using low-leveled or higher stealth-based magic can be seen in the radar. Also shows direction body is pointing at.
Can improve with skillpoints.
Loud Speakers - A pair of loud speakers found on the sides of the glacis plate that can be used to do the following:
- Communicate with external entities.
- Play desired music/audio found online.
- Adjust volume to desired levels.
Mysterious Ears - Can be used to hear external sounds around the vision of host.
Search Lights - Light used for finding objects at the dark.
Shop - Uses coins as currency, and can be used for buying items for maintenance and fixing broken parts. Can also be used to buy and upgrade weapons. Can also be used to sell owned weapons at a lower price compared to it's original.
Titles:
Sentient Mechanical Titan
--<<[END OF STATUS]>>--
Ah shit, here we go again. Such ludicrous numbers, ludicrous abilities, and a ludicrous body. Fuck, you better speak up for all of this. This really is going to be a long day.
[Time is subjective to sentient beings, and you're practically a living machine with an indefinite life span, so it's alright. We'll take our time learning things step-by-step.]
Great. But before that, I'd like to properly take a look at my environment first, before you explain to me everything.
[Alright.]
<<EXIT>>
*Bzzt*
Okay... Let's see what we have here...
So I "moved" my vision to the forest in front of "me", since it technically is my body, and I see that there are indeed, trees. Lots of trees, vegetation, and shrubbery.
I looked at the mini-map and also noticed that there seems to be lots of... Green circles glowing in my nearby vicinity... Interesting.
So I maneuvered about and I noticed something weird. There are... Several very small houses, no, huts with what I'm guessing as thatches or straws for roofs... situated into the trees, and some of them are on the ground as well.
Actually, it may be just because of my size that's why they're small and-
Oh,
Along with that, I also see several humanoids wearing somewhat woven fabrics, and some even partially naked.
There's a dude, a child, and some women, I'm guessing, right next to what I think would be, a water well. And they also have strangely pointed ears!
I maneuvered my vision this time to take a good luck, and yes, they look the part, act the part, and probably are the part.
That must mean... their elves!
Oh, and they all have one thing in common, uh...
They seem to be frozen in place, some shaking, and some look like they've seen a ghost.
Hmm... Wait what, ELVES?! THESE ARE ELVES RIGHT?!
[Yeah...]
GOOD! So if logic and cliche serves right, then I can interact with them?
[Yeah... But, uh...]
But why are they scared?
[Um, probably because you, sort, of just appeared from thin-air, and somehow materialized right next to this elven village. I think it's natural they'd be afraid.]
Right... I forgot I am a gigantic concrete-thing. I might look like Godzilla if I'm in there shoes. Welp, this will be a long day indeed.
[Indeed.]
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Our conversation was cut off by the screaming, panicking and running elves.
After a few minutes of me observing them, a group of half-naked, mixed-gendered elves with glowing tattoo thingies, probably magic, jumped from a tree in front of me as if a portal just opened, and pulled out weapons from their sheaths.
Ah shit, this doesn't look good.
[Shit, indeed.]
-End-
Alternate ending:
After a few minutes of me observing them, a group of half-naked, mixed-gendered elves with glowing tattoo thingies, probably magic, jumped from a tree in front of me as if a portal just opened, and pulled out weapons from their sheaths.
All of them shouted in unison:
"Stop! You have violated the Law!
Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence.
Your stolen goods are now forfeit."
Bruh.
[Bruh.]
-lol-
