1 1.Death sucks. Who knew? (edited)

The crime does not fit the punishment.

I never understood this saying when I was younger. After all, if you did something bad, you deserved to be punished. I mean when I lied or got into fights I got spanked, and that was that. So, when grown-ups did something wrong they deserved to go to jail, right?

Yeah, I was an idiot.

Of course, there are nuances in the thing we call justice, cause not all crimes are the same.

A guy stealing a watch cause he likes it, is different from a guy who steals a loaf of bread for his hungry kids. They both stole, but one had nobler intentions.

On that note just because you cop a feel, does not mean you deserve to be chased by monsters in a gods damned dungeon trying to survive!

"I'm going to live! You hear that bitch?! I'm going to live and get stronger. Strong enough to punch you down to earth. Or whatever this mud ball is called."

While I was running I started screaming up at the sky, or at least the ceiling of the current floor I was on.

Rooooaaaar!!!

As soon as I started pulling away from the imps and giant ants chasing me a troll stepped out of the shadows and started roaring its head off.

"Fuck you Anaviotis!!"

I immediately flipped the ceiling the bird - which looks hella weird when you only got four scaly fingers. Then, I did the best roar I could and charged straight at the ten-foot motherfucker.

Of course, all of you are probably pretty confused by all of this. So, I guess I'll do the obligatory flash back.

Bout a year back I was your average black guy, not on the wrong side of the law, but I was hustling. I ain't gonna tell you what city I was in, cause it don't really matter now.

"Hey, you got any plans for Monday night?"

Jesus Hernández, my best friend since middle school, said sliding up right next to me while I was at work.

"No."

Without even looking at him I answered, while still working.

"Deja de ser un idiota ( Stop being an idiot). You didn't even ask what I even wanted."

"No necesito preguntar. Con ustedes siempre es algo no tan legal. Y siempre tengo que sacarte el culo (I don't need to ask. With you it is always something not so legal. And I always have to get your ass off)." I spit back at him.

"It's not like that this time. lo juro ( I swear). Besides it's not like you don't need the good karma."

He put on his best version of puppy dog eyes. Which was just him looking up and pouting - which made him look ridiculous.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

I finally stopped working, and looked at him. Which meant to him that he had me hooked and just needed to reel me in.

"Carla."

"Carla what? We both got what we wanted."

I knew what he was doing and I wouldn't fall for it ... this time.

"You and I both know that she wanted more, and we both know you knew you was gonna dump her as soon as you got some the second you saw her."

"That's not true."

It was, it totally was.

"Then, why did you give her one of your burner phone numbers, and give her a fake address, and avoid contact with her friends, and ..."

"Okay, I get it! But I can't talk now, you know how Ming always gets on my ass."

And as if to prove my point Ming stuck his head out to scream at me.

"我不是在告诉你.可能你想要被解雇.(I'm not paying you to talk. Maybe, you want to be fired.)"

Of course he was only screaming at me , even though everyone else was slacking off the entire time I was working.

"我是唯一完成任何事情的人. 我得到了照片.(I'm the only who got anything done. And I got pictures.)"

After I said that he squinted at me then pulled his head back in. It pays to take photos of all the noncompliant things he never fixes. After all why fix it when you can just bribe the inspector.

"Why do you even know that weird language?" Jesus said leaning on the wall.

"Bueno, yo sé tu lenguaje extraño.(Well, I know your weird language.)"

I said while getting back to work.

"Yeah, but you had to learn my language. You wanted to be my friend and my family only spoke Spanish."

"I didn't want to be your friend. I just noticed that all of the bullies in school would compete to see who could steal your lunch first. So, I knew I had to get in good with your family."

He started laughing.

"So, you're coming right? Riiight?"

He held open his arms.

"Well, someone's gotta keep you alive. Through funeral food does taste amazing."

__________________

"I can't believe I let you talk me into coming here."

I tucked my hands under my armpits to try to get some feeling back in them.

I was at the warehouse district freezing my ass off.

"I know it's a little chilly."

It was seventeen degrees out.

"But all we gotta do is guard this door until they're done with their business. And bam, easiest ten grand ever made in history."

I moved forward and shoved him.

"What the hell dude!"

"You told me this wasn't illegal!"

"It isn't."

"No one pays that much for God damn doormen, unless they're making twenty times that much. And what legit business makes that much in a night and decides to hire two nobodies?"

"I'm telling you this is on the level. I heard bout this job from my girl's cousin's boyfriend. A couple of out of towners wanted a couple of respectable dudes to make sure no one interrupted them till their business deal goes through."

"We're leaving right now!"

I started pulling his arm, until he jerked it back.

"Why the fuck would we do that?! You realize this is ten grand you want to walk away from right?"

"Because when I'm proven right - and I will be - do you think they are gonna dish out that kind of cash or instead pay us in lead?"

"You think they'd kill us instead of paying us?"

"The dead don't talk about anything, especially a crime that went down."

And as if God himself wanted to show off his great sense of humor, gunshots started going off.n Then, a naked girl burst through the door we were supposed to be guarding and took off. A few seconds later a heavy-set man came out next and started shooting at her, Causing her to trip.

Without thinking I barreled into him.

"Take her and go!"

"I can't leave you!"

"Go!! Call the cops!" Jesus looked at me struggling with the guy then at the naked girl. Then, he took off grabbing her hand and yanking her out of here.

"I'll be back!"

While I was fighting the asshole, I wondered why he was the only one who came out after the girl. If I was lucky the cacophony of gunshots we heard had killed every other criminal in there.

I ain't that lucky, another one came out limping.

I don't know if he was the last one standing or what, all I do know is that as soon as he came out the goon I was fighting was finally able to push me off of himself just enough for his friend to shoot me apparently.

Right below the breadbox.

I gripped the wound, blood started to seep out onto my hands. You know that shit about how your life flashes before your eyes when you're on the brink of death's door? Yeah, that's a big old heap of bullshit.

A few things did go through my mind though : how they used us, who was gonna look after Jesus, how I was gonna miss out on my own funeral food, but most of all it was that look that girl had in her eyes when she fell.

It was a look I knew well, it was the same look my mother had as they took her to prison for killing her abusive boyfriend.

No hope left.

I wasn't gonna let these assholes get away.

I didn't give a flipping fuck if they had guns.

I fell down as if I couldn't go on. As soon as the guy with the gun lowered it, I shot up and charged him. Ignoring the pain, I punched him in the bread box - turnabout is fair play after all. I then took his gun from his hand and shot the guy I was fighting. Before the guy I punched could catch his breath I shot him point-blank.

I could feel myself grow faint, apparently moving around to fight isn't a good idea when you're shot.

I shot the handle off the door before I fell over in front of it. I did this cause I knew the only other way out - the overhead door - is bolted from the outside.

Thinking about it now, it was probably because they didn't want whoever was meeting them to kill them and drive away with the merch - fat luck that did them.

Cough!

I started coughing up blood.

"Looks like nobody is in time to save my dumbass."

I thought about my life as I stared at the city I lived my entire life in. I wish I had traveled more, maybe I would've fallen in love and had a family.

As I sat there I could feel death's cold, dark grip tighten. My last words in this brief life of mine was "Jesus get a normal jo....."

Everything went blank. And no I don't mean black, I know my colors and death wasn't white or black or any other color of the fucking rainbow.

Just as I realized this might be what the afterlife truly entailed, a black spot appeared.

It then turned white, blue, grey, green, violet, and every other color - some that I didn't even recognize.

Steadily it grew bigger and bigger, until it swallowed me whole.

When it is finished I was in a room - by room I mean a gigantic cube - that constantly swirled in colors like a kaleidoscope. About thirty feet in front of me was an attractive woman in the skimpiest dress I had ever seen walking towards me.

I was confused, but then I remembered an old saying.

'If you sacrifice your life for another you will be granted eternal life in heaven.'

Or something like that. So, I must be in heaven.

I was expecting heaven to be gold mansions or whatever - and that I was headed in the other direction, but if it is me banging a chick for eternity, that ain't bad either.

Once she got to me she started talking.

"Hero I'm ...."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Now let's get this party started."

I immediately squeezed one of her tits with one of my hands while pulling her close with the other on her ass. And was rewarded with a slap to the face.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? LITTLE WORM. TO TOUCH MY HOLY SKIN, THE SKIN OF THE GREAT ANAVIOTIS!"

"Isn't this heaven? You know eternal reward and all that?" I was rubbing my hurt cheek. Wasn't death supposed to not hurt?

"This is but a way point to decide whether you move on to the next plane of existence, or join the great circle of reincarnation in the countless worlds in the countless universes."

"Oh, then I guess I'm sorry. I choose move on to the next existence please. "

I was not gonna be one of the saps that die over and over, not my cup of tea.

"You think I would let you choose after that insult?"

"Well, I said I was sorry, I assumed at the situation and made an ass of myself. But you not letting me choose doesn't seem above-board."

"It isn't mortal, but who could you tell? You will be reincarnated in one of the fantasy worlds. And when you die an unheroic death I will use that as an excuse to toss you into oblivion."

The walls grew brighter and brighter.

"Normally I would wish you luck, but you won't last that long with a human soul."

After a bright flash of light I woke up in the body of a lizardman and memories of being born here.

As soon as I thought about what I was a status screen appeared in front of my face.

------------------

Name : Jamal Hendricks / no name monster

Level : 1

Species : Akkedis/ human soul

Strength : 100

Intelligence : 120

Durability : 100

Energy : 100

Health : 100

Stamina : 100

Luck : 23

Speed : 135

Agility : 200

Special ability : adaptation

Adaptation : ability to adapt to any situation to survive. Dependent on energy levels.

------------------

"I wonder where I am? And what dependent on energy means? And what adaptation even is? And why having a human soul matters in a monster's body? And what languages they speak here?"

As soon as I said that I felt like a lot of electricity left my body. I immediately thought about my status screen and it popped up.

------------------

Name : Jamal Hendricks / no name monster

Level : 1

Species : Akkedis/ human soul

Strength : 100

Intelligence : 120

Durability : 100

Energy : 1/100

Health : 100

Stamina : 100

Luck : 23

Speed : 135

Agility : 200

Special ability : adaptation

Adaptation : ability to adapt to any situation to survive. Dependent on energy levels.

------------------

Holy shit!

My energy is down to one!

I was about to wonder another question, when massive amounts of information assaulted my brain.

One of the many dungeons on this planet.

Energy will drain every time I use adaptation.

Adaptation works in two main ways :

First) it will change my body to survive any attack, accident, or simple need if I have the necessary energy.

Second) it will give any knowledge to understand any given situation, but the more complex the answer the more energy demanding.

Third) monsters seek human souls as energy and food, and can sense a human soul nearby.

Fourth) humans attack monsters for money, potions, hatred, heroics, etc ...

And as for the last question I had, around two hundred and fifty languages filled my head.

______________________

Jump forward a year of me fighting monsters and humans constantly, and you get to where I am today.

My adaptation ability told me I could win against this troll, just not how. I couldn't afford to over use my energy on asking questions either, cause I need it to protect myself.

On that note the monsters chasing me caught up. I maneuvered myself between them and the troll, allowing it to smash them to pieces. When it smashed the ants their acidic blood burned the trolls hands, but they immediately healed.

As it healed I thought back to my school days, how Jesus broke his arm climbing a tree. He kept it from his family and had to get it rebroken, cause it healed wrong.

I don't know how different humans and trolls are, but healing should work the same - and if I'm wrong there goes my short re-life.

I swung my tail and broke some stalagmites - my tail hardened because of adaptation - and held them in my arms.

Luckily for me trolls are strong and fast healers, not so much intelligent or fast.

I dodge to left as it punches a six-foot hole in the ground, and throw one of the stalagmites into one of its knees. The wound healed immediately trapping the stalagmite in its leg.

The pain enrages it more and it tries to run at me.

It of course falls flat on its face, and I throw the remaining stalagmites into it immobilizing it.

I have to work fast because no matter how stupid something is, it will eventually think of taking out the things that's sticking out of it.

I leap onto its back and start clawing my way into its back.

All of the wounds I'm inflicting are healing as soon as I lift my claws, so it's a race between my speed and its healing capabilities.

"Yes!!!" I shout as I see then pull out a glowing octahedron.

Where humans and other mortal races have souls, monsters have diamond-shaped gems that contain the ability to convert mana into abilities.

Without its mana heart the troll died from all of its wounds that stopped healing.

As for me, I put the mana heart into a bag I stole....ahem....liberated from a corpse a couple of months back.

Grrrr!!!!

"It would be such a waste to leave all this meat to just rot."

I say to myself as my stomach rumbles .

Ever since I got here my palate has consisted of dead or dying monsters.

Boom!!!

Just as I was about to take a bite I hear a loud commotion.

That means there is a fight, and where there is a fight there are corpses to be looted.

I leave the corpse there ignoring my stomach.

In this dungeon the rule of first come first serve rules supreme.

_______________

Instead of the usual monster versus human battle I was expecting, it was five adventurers against one.

Bam!!!

A massive fireball exploded on an adventurer.

Make that four versus one.

The single adventurer - who was obviously a witch - was a woman about eighteen or twenty, she had a nice figure albeit the purple hair did weird me out a little.

But humans could have any kind of hair color here it seems.

The other four - three women and one guy - were warriors by the look of the armor they wore.

"Just give it up bitch. No matter how hard you fight you are going to die here. The only difference you're making is whether we tell people you died honorably fighting hoards of monsters, or if you died by getting willingly fucked to death by an orc."

(Random asshat 1)

"Yeah, Flora just give up, and we'll make this quick."

(Random asshat 2)

"Shut up fuckers, I trusted you. Who paid you to kill me? And how much was your souls worth?"

(Hot witch)

"About two hundred and fifty gold coins, plus a bonus if no one is the wiser about us being hired."

(Random asshat 1)

"Enough of this. {Fire rain}!!"

(Hot witc..... I mean Flora)

Fiery rain fell down from nowhere right on top of them.

I was expecting a pile of ash when the smoke cleared, instead all of them were unscathed inside a magic bubble.

"You think we didn't prepare for your high level magic spells? Inside this nullification barrier we are immune to all magic attacks. But we can shoot you with arrows and magic. I guess fucked to death it is."

(Asshat three)

I was about to jump in, to help her out, when she did something totally out of the box.

"I was hoping you all would come to your senses and run away like the inbred sow kin you all are. But instead all of you have chosen death. Obliiiiiiteration!!!!!"

She screamed at them while pointing her finger.

Before anyone could react a huge mass of energy collected in front of her and shot out, obliterating the four fools in front of her.

What the hell was that, I thought they said magic couldn't be used against them?! I thought to myself.

I looked around, cause I just heard someone speak, but no one except that Flora broad was around.

There it was again, and why was it so snarky.

Okay, then, who are you?

Okay, but why are you such a bitch?

Hey, I don't like that shit!

<Riiight.>

I shook my head. There was no way I was gonna spend another second talking to a voice in my head.

Besides, there's a woman down there, and if her ability is anything like mine - and I'm guessing it is cause she used it as a last resort - she's outta energy and probably not a physical fighter.

I headed towards her.

"Fuck my luck! Stay back you damn lizard."

She screamed at me as I came into view.

"I'm not here to hurt you."

I put my hands up to show I was a harmless lizardman.

"Oh, great, it can speak."

"Look, I know you're weak right now. I can provide you shelter in exchange for a potion or two."

"That's.... actually very reasonable."

Wow! And I thought my luck was bad, she's one of the good ones.

"Good, follow me."

"Wait one second lizard, I have something to say."

Oh, My God! She's gonna actually thank me, it has been so long since I heard good words come from a human.

"Die you damn lizard!!! {Vitality Siphon}."

Her face grew pale as if she was going to be sick, but I could feel the buzz of her energy being restored from where I was.

"{Godly Lightning Strike}."

A lightning bolt shot at me faster than I could move, I was a dead man...errr....lizard.

My skin turned metal with what appeared to be veins running through it. The bolt hit my chest and miraculously traveled through the veins on my skin and shot out of my hands, which was pointed at Flora.

She flew back, burnt to a crisp.

I don't even care about right now, I didn't mean to kill her.

Even if she tried to kill me, she was just scared.

Can't you see I'm grieving here?

Why? Would it save her?

<Nope, I just like suggesting you put a dead person in your party. >

There is no need to be sarcastic.

Yes.

Flora turn into light and flew into my wrist, the light seared into my skin until there was a little gem on the underside of my wrist.

"Well, hello there." I said while rubbing the jewel.

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