4 Qin Yu's Biggest Fear
"Little Yu, are you awake, yet? Breakfast is ready; come down quickly!"
The voice was gentle and sounded pleasant in the ear, making anyone who heard it feel safe and relaxed.
Yet, Qin Yu reacted otherwise.
Her hand trembled furiously, and in the blink of an eye, the tremor had spread through her whole body like it was an infectious disease. Her face turned pale, her pupils palpitated wildly, and her breathing turned short and heavy as if she was being chased by a ghost.
"Big Sis Luo… Big Sis Luo…"
As she kept muttering those words, a sequence of images was abruptly replaying in her mind like a movie reel.
Qin Yu's eyes turned blurry as if she was moving at high speed. Shortly, a new environment entered her vision. She was now inside a spacious room, leaning against the broken wall filled with cracks and chunks. The place seemed to be inside an old and abandoned building, but miraculously, the electricity was still running just fine, powering the series of lamps on the ceiling.
She could see a lot of canned foods, instant noodles, water, medicines, and many other basic necessities displayed on the shelves, some of them lying on the floor, despite her vision being clouded by a hazy fog. She was certain this place was a general store—or at least what it was used to be before the apocalypse came.
Other than food and stuff, she also saw four figures standing in front of her, seemingly arguing with each other. There were two women and two men, and one of the women was standing close to the two men, which made the other woman face three people alone.
Despite her disadvantages in number, the woman was still calm and composed—with a hint of coldness hidden behind her expressionless face.
The woman seemed to leave a great impression on Qin Yu, whereas she couldn't even remember what the other people's faces looked like.
But this woman… Qin Yu felt familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time.
Standing at 5' 7" tall, this slightly tanned woman has a contemplative feel about her, and she has a small mark on her left cheek that makes her look tough and unyielding. She had an oval face with a well-formed nose, full lips, and round, big brown eyes that easily captivated both men and women alike. Her brown, wavy hair swayed gently back and forth, making her look more alluring.
If her cold expression was replaced with a gentle expression with a warm smile, one name would pop out inside Qin Yu's head—Ling Luo.
Ling Luo… Big Sis Luo…
She was her neighbor, her childhood friend, and also someone she trusted the most after her parents passed away, leaving her as the only remaining member of her family.
She was the last person she saw just before she became a zombie and also….
No, no, no, no…! Stop! Stop!
She screamed.
She finally remembered this piece of memory… although she wished that she never had.
Stop! I don't want to remember it anymore!
Please…. Stop…
Unfortunately, no one paid attention to her, and even if there was, it would make no difference whatsoever.
The scene kept going forward regardless of whether she wanted it or not.
The argument became more and more heated. She couldn't remember what they were arguing about and only heard a buzzing sound instead. She could sense that she was the source of their argument as she saw one of the men keep pointing at her as he spoke.
Only the lone woman seemed to be on her side and defend her.
They were soon locked in a stalemate.
And then, Qin Yu's eyes were spontaneously attracted by the other woman, whose hand was going inside her jacket, and soon a gun appeared in her hand, and its muzzle was pointing toward her.
I don't want to die… I don't want to die…
Stop… please stop…
Don't let me remember anymore…
Out of the blue, a loud "bang" echoed in the room as she witnessed a spark coming out from the mouth of the gun's barrel.
I don't want to die… no… I don't want her to die!
Someone, please stop her! Don't let her come here….!
Please….
Just like what she feared, in the blink of an eye, Ling Luo had already appeared in front of her, shielding her from the upcoming bullet.
The bullet traveled through Ling Luo's side, tearing a hole right through the wall of her stomach. Blood gushed out, spraying like crazy from the gunshot wound.
Awkward silence soon followed.
It seemed that nobody was expecting something like this to happen.
Soon they woke up from their stupor to the roar of zombies that seemed to be attracted by the commotion.
They quickly stuffed their bags with as many foods and medicines as they could and then escaped from the room, leaving only Ling Luo and Qin Yu laying there defenselessly.
Don't go… don't leave her here…
Bring her out of here! Don't let her stay here with me!
Please… don't go…
Qin Yu stretched her hand, trying to grab something in front of her. Maybe it was hope?
But no matter how hard she tried, in the end, her hand was still empty.
Helpless…. Qin Yu felt so helpless.
She knew that what she saw was just a piece of her memory, and, in the reality, she now had a chance to prevent this from happening, but still…
She wailed.
Her cheek was wet and damp as her tears couldn't stop flowing as she watched the color drain from her face, making her look feeble.
However, despite life slowly leaving her body, there was a gentle smile that Qin Yu was very familiar with plastered on Ling Luo's face.
She lifted her hand, which was gradually turning cold, caressing the face of Qin Yu inside her memory.
"It's okay… It's going to be okay, Little Yu don't be afraid anymore…"
No! Everything goes wrong! You're going to die, and I'm going to be turned into a zombie! And…
"Big Sis is here. No one can hurt you as long as I'm here…"
No! Run, Big Sis Yu, run! I'm the one who's going to hurt you… please go… leave me alone…
"Don't worry, Little Yu, you don't need to worry anymore…"
"S-sis… Big Sis Luo…"
The Qin Yu in front of Ling Luo mumbled softly, calling her name.
"Yes, yes… little Yu… Big Sis is here…."
Ling Luo's voice grew weaker and weaker.
"Hungry… so hungry… Big Sis Luo… I'm so hungry…."
The eyes of "Qin Yue" slowly turned blank and greyish, and her skin became even paler than Ling Luo's.
No, no, no…! Big Sis Luo don't listen to whatever she says!
Still, with a smile on her lips, Ling Luo spoke.
"It's okay, little Yu… I'll never leave you alone… so eat, eat to your heart's content… then I'll be with you forever…."
No, no, no—
Stop! Please, Stop!
It's my fault… I killed her… she was dead because of me….
If I didn't exist… surely….
Qin Yu felt her body plunge into an abyss, sinking deeper and deeper into darkness. That somehow made her feel comfortable.
When her mind was about to be swallowed by the darkness, the same gentle voices that invoked her darkest memories and deepest fears appeared like a light guiding her home.
"Little Yu! Are you okay?"
"Little Yu, wake up, little Yu!"
"It's okay, I'm here… Big Sis is here…"
Qin Yu broke out of her memories and her consciousness turned back to reality. She felt warmth envelope her body, giving her a sense of security, and the sweet fragrance of lilac made her mind slightly relax. This kind of feeling she had long forgotten made her want to drown in them forever.
"Are you feeling better, dear?"
Still, no words came out of Qin Yu's mouth as she regained her senses and realized that she was in the embrace of the people she longed to see the most, yet also the one she was most afraid to meet with. Her body stiffened like a log of wood.
This girl, who got her second chance in life, was really afraid… afraid that after she felt this warmth once again, she would suddenly find out that everything was just an illusion... Although she had no idea who was so boring as to cast such a heart-breaking illusion on a zombie.
And even more so, for the overwhelming guilt buried deep within her heart, she knew that this was the difficult hurdle that she needed to overcome to truly live a new life as a human.
Nevertheless, meeting Ling Luo on the first day of her rebirth and even more so after the recollection of her memory, it was really the worst scenario she'd ever thought of.
Tick, tock, tick, tock—
She knew that she needed to come up with a faster response as the more the time passed, Ling Luo would grow more and more anxious.
"Ah… I… I-I'm fine, Big Sis Luo… I just had a nightmare, and it's making me feel a little uneasy. Don't worry too much. You go downstairs first. I'll follow you later. "
"Are you sure? You don't want me here with you?"
"Um, yeah…" Qin Yu's head stayed facing downward, afraid to meet Ling Luo's gaze head-on.
"Then… fine…"The worry on Ling Luo's face was still not lessened even after getting an answer from Qin Yu. She was aware that the big girl in front of her was still hiding something from her, but she had no choice other than to let it go for now and give Qin Yu space for herself. "I'll go first. Don't forget to get your breakfast downstairs, okay…"
Just before she exited the room, Ling Luo turned back and looked at Qin Yu gently.
"Little Yu… If you have something going on in your mind or are facing some problem, don't be shy about talking to your big sister okay… we can think of a solution together. You don't need to bear the burden alone.
"Don't be too hard on yourself, little Yu… I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you."
Ling Luo didn't wait for her response; she quit the room and closed the door once more.
After she was once again left alone in her room, Qin Yu sank into an internal battle inside her heart where her present humanity faced her zombie past.
Stay away from her…
I want her by my side!
You'll only bring her harm….
This time, I'll protect her!
One day she'll die, and you're the one who will kill her….
No, I won't let the same tragedy happen again, even at the cost of my own life!
You can't…
I will.
Absolutely….
Absolutely.
The kindness shown by Ling Luo gave Qin Yu a strong determination to be a better version of herself in this life. Although she still needed a lot of time to sort out her feelings about Ling Luo, she believed one day she could face her with her most genuine feelings without being shackled by her past.
When Qin Yu lifted her face upward, her eyes regained their clarity, and a genuine smile appeared on her face.
