REAL FUN

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He rested his back as he let himself feel the breeze of the air conditioner. Ipinikit nya ang kanyang mga mata at hinayaan ang sariling damhin ang katahimikan. Ang lamig. Ang kapayapaang hatid ng paligid.

Huminga sya ng malalim at nagpaagos sa mga tanong na pilit nyang itinatago. Ang mga naipong hindi kailanman nabigyan ng pagkakataong masilip ng mga sagot na kahit hindi nya aminin, ay hinihintay nya. Kahit hindi na darating.

Matatapos na muli ang araw. Malapit na ang pagpatak ng alas sais, na hudyat na maaari na syang umuwi dahil tapos na ang trabaho. The office was really quiet at this hour. Usually, everyone was either ready to go or rushing.

At katulad ng pagtakas sa masamang panaginip, iminulat nya ang kanyang mga mata nang maramdamang malapit na muli sya malunod sa mga iniisip. The four walls of the cubicle welcomed his sight. He sat properly and reach for his laptop. And slowly, his hands bled. He typed the words like a wounded army of love. Ang sundalong lumaban, napagod at natalo.

Sa digmaan ng pag-ibig.

He wasn't a fan of happy endings. He loathes the lies of inked promises, printed butterflies, and published heartbeats. They weren't true. And what hurts more is that he used to believe in them. He used to be the one making them.

Craig was normally quiet. He was described as that guy in the corner. Hindi mo mapapansin minsan, pero nandyan. Parang estatwa. Display. Pader. O kaya mapapansin mo man, hindi mo rin mararamdaman.

For the world was in a fast forward in his perspective. Like he's stuck in his own time zone. People just come and go. The constant thing in his life was people leaving.

Pinatay nya na ang laptop matapos mai-send sa editor nya.

"Hindi ba kita nasabihan sa adjustments?"

Patay ang mga mata nyang tinignan ang babaeng laging nakataas ang kilay. She's known for being tough. Masungit. Nakaka intimidate.

"About that. I don't think it's suited for my stories."

"Kaya nga kita sinabihan as early na hindi pa nasisimulan. Ang target market natin ay hindi mga nagsesenti. The goal is to meet the demand, ano ba ang demand? Happy endings."

He didn't answer. Nadala ata ito sa masamang titig ng kaharap nya.

"I-revise mo."

"Ayoko."

Mapakla natawa si Samantha. He couldn't believe this writer. Isang taon pa lang sya sa kumpanya pero mukhang susubukan sya ng kaharap nito ngayon. She already knew how he's known as. Ang dakilang mananakit. Ang malungkuting manunulat ng kumpanya.

Inihagis nya ang printed na draft sa lamesa. Sam always believed that minsan kailangang daanin sa intimidation ang mga tao para sumunod ang mga ito. Kapag strong ang front mo, gagalangin ka nila. And that's what she is doing. She won't back down.

Nagsukatan sila ng tingin. Umiling lang si Craig. Bakit naman sya masusulat ng masayang kwento ng pag-ibig kung hindi naman sya naniniwala rito?

Sam knew Craig was good. He's good at what he does, kung paano nito kinukulayan ang mga salita? Mahusay. Nagpatuloy ang pagkukumbinsihan nilang dalawa kung bakit ganon dapat ang ending laban sa pwede namang baguhin, to put it in a different light.

No one's backing down. But what pulled the last straw was when Sam blamed him for pulling his career back, na kaya hanggang ngayon, hindi sya katulad ng iba na hindi nare-recognize, because he was unprofessional.

It was heavy. He left the room after saying he quit.

"Wala kang alam." Sam froze and all she could ever do was to stare at let him leave. Like moving even an inch was a sin.

Craig was living alone. His parents are overseas. Dun na sila nagrereside. Sya na lang naman talaga ang hinihintay. And he chose to stay. Kahit hindi naman nya aminin, may hinihintay pa sya bago umalis, o yung taong magiging rason nya bakit kailangan nyang manatili. Ewan.

At katulad ng normal nyang ginagawa sa araw-araw, nakaupo ito sa sofa, bukas ang T.V. at hinahyaang lumipas na lamang ang oras. Tuloy ang buhay. Wala na rin siguro syang pake. Ang bago lang sa buhay nya ngayon, ay wala na syang trabaho.

Bagot syang tumayo nang makarinig ng katok. Binuksan nya ang kanyang pinto sa maliit na siwang na sapat lamang upang masilip kung sino ang nasa labas.

Gusto nyang magmura.

Isang babaeng nakapusod, sunflower dress at may hawak ng isang supot ng oranges. Nakatulong narin siguro ang sinag ng araw kaya para syang ipinadala ng langit na nakatayo sa harapan nya.

Anong ginagawa ni Sam sa labas ng bahay nya, diba?

Bago nya pa isara ang pinto dahil wala syang balak itong papasukin, umirap na ito sa kanya at ipinwersa ang sariling makapasok.

He was so used to seeing her in coat and slacks. Seryoso ang mukha at matapang ang aura. Kaya nga sobrang weird nang makita nya itong babaeng-babae na muntik pa nyang hindi makilala.

Kahit hindi pa nito naaalok, naupo na si Sam at inilapag ang dala sa lamesita. She took the pleasure to make herself be comfortable. One thing she's thankful for is her confidence. Asset ang kumpyansa sa sarili. At kahit naman nahihiya sya, it's the confidence that fake it till she makes it.

Why was she here anyway? Nahihirapan syang matulog. Matagal na iyon. Pero lumala ito matapos ang hindi magandang pag-uusap nila nung nakaraan. Bukod sa gusto nitong tignan ang lagay nya, she wanted to help him. He looked like he has some sort of unresolved issues.

Isa sa mga kahinaan nya. Mahilig syang makialam. Pero wala namang mawawala kay Sam, maliligtas pa ang tulog nya.

At katulad ng panahon, nagbabago. It was raining. Dalawang buwan na rin pala ang lumipas. Craig was working from home. Every friday naman, nakiki sleep over si Sam sa bahay nya. They were a denial that they're already friends, well, hindi naman nila ni-recognize or pinoint out. Or maybe they're just two adults who need company, and they found that in each other.

"Paabot naman nung popcorn."

"Tumingin ka kaya, ang lapit lang o. Hawak ko lang. Tabi lang tayo."

"E, baka may ma-miss akong scene." Craig realized that Sam's not really surly, misunderstood lang. She even laughs a lot, na maski sariling joke tawang-tawa, at kadalasa'y mag-isa pa ngang ito lang ang tumatawa. Their personalities blend well.

It's always the night they hang out. Movie marathon, stroll sa park. Stargazing. Night picnic. Craig doesn't know she had troubles in sleeping pero napapansin nya na kapag magkasama sila, lagi silang puyat.

Damay na damay sya sa kakulangan sa tulog kapag si Sam ang kasama nya. Masaya naman. It wasnt really that big deal, hawak naman nya ang oras niya. It's just kinda weird.

Sam's fixing the mattress habang sya'y hinihintay lang nitong matapos mag-ayos ng hihigaan nila. Sa sala sila natutulog e.

"Ugh. Alas tres nanaman." Sabi ni Sam nang mahiga ito at buksan ang cellphone.

"Gulat ka pa dyan. Wala namang bago." Inirapan lang sya ng dalaga at nagpatuloy na ito sa pags-scroll sa facebook. Naiiling na lang si Craig. Kaya sila napupuyat e. Nag scroll na lang rin sya sa facebook, he stopped scrolling when a post on his timeline piqued his attention.

It was Leaves by Ben&ben piano cover. Pinanood lang nito ang tumitipa sa piano. He was good. Nang silipin nya ang katabi nya ay tulog na ito. Bukas pa ang ilaw ng cellphone pero nahihimbing na.

That's when he knew, the piano helped. He already realized, she has sleeping problems. That's also the time that he decided to learn how to play it. Maybe at the back of his mind, it was his way to express how much he cared for her.

"I'm home!" Sam greeted habang inaalis ang takong nito at inilagay sa shoe rack.

"Not your house." Inirapan lang sya ni Sam. Sanay na talaga siya sa ugali ng lalaki. Napaka-KJ talaga. Pumasok na sya at inilapag ang take out na chinese food. Craig entered the receiving area at sinilip ang supot.

"Chinese."

"Okay."

"May rooftop ka diba? Why don't we hang out mamaya run? Dun tayo kumain." Nagtaas baba pa ng kilay si Sam. Tango lang naman ang sagot ni Craig. Magulo ang buhok ng dalaga, and somehow he finds it cute.

"Craig, wala ka bang balak bumalik sa office?"

"Ewan." Napatingin sya ng titigan sya ni Sam. He looked at her like questioning what's up. Ngumiti lang si Sam at umiling saka ibinalik ang paningin sa pagkain.

Then there's silence. He wasn't used that she's being quiet.

"Ah." Napatango si Craig nang ma-realize kung bakit ganoon ang inasal ng dalaga. His last day in the office doesn't end in a pleasant way. At nagkataon pang si Sam ang kasama.

"May gusto kang itanong? I won't be offended." Mahinang suhestyon ni Craig. He was even looking the other way. He was sure he wasn't ready to open up. And maybe this day was an exception because Sam happened. Sam's an exception.

With worried eyes, she looked at him asking if he was sure. That made him laugh a little.

"Yeah. Ano ba yun?"

"I don't know why you can't write stories with happy endings. What's your reason? Broken-hearted ka ba?"

Nang magkatinginan sila ay napatakip ng tenga si Sam.

"Sorry na! Wag mo na sagutin!" Natawa si Craig sa kwelang reaksyon ni Sam. Nang makita nitong tumatawa ang binata, nag peace sign na lang sya. She expected he would flip like what he did noong nasa office sila at magkasagutan.

"You really wanna know?" Dahan-dahan syang tumango.

"They told me that in this lifetime, you'll meet three kinds of love. And I did. Turns out it ended up in heartbreak. Three times, as well."

The wind breeze enveloped both of them. Sinalubong ni Craig ang lamig sa mukha nya. Mariin namang napapapikit si Sam as he continued telling her his story.

"Would you meet them if you had the chance?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to move on?"

"Maybe."

"All I want is love that lasts." Turan ni Sam. It was in his novel. He looked at her and unconsciously continued the quote. He knows it of course. He's the one who wrote it.

"And a heart cannot fully love when it's not full."

Siguro connection iyon. Napagkasunduan nilang dalawa, na harapin ang tatlo. To finally get the closure he needed. The closure his heart begged to hear. To finally close the wounds that drowned him from bleeding.

He needed to heal. To prepare for the fourth love that's coming.

The first love.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I know this is awkward or maybe you still hate me from this very day. I'm here to finally give you the closure you deserve. But first, I am sorry, really am."

Hearing her voice, like it was the very first time, again, gusto nyang umatras, tumakbo at mainis. It's been years. Mahal na mahal nya ito noon.

She was his first.

So everything was new, raw, and special. She was like the first flower of spring. The first leaf that grew. Like the first snow in winter. The first drop of rain.

But all the firsts of bliss stopped when she met his best friend.

So the first heartbreak was the first blade that pierced his untouchable heart. The first hands touch it till it squeezed his into excruciating pain.

"I don't really know where to start, you can just ask some questions." It was evident how she was embarrassed to face him. But that doesn't make him feel any better. All he could see was the love that got away.

"S-sure." He stuttered. That made her let out an apologetic smile. He felt stupid.

"Why did you left me?" For someone else. He wants to ask why of all people, she cheated on him with his best friend.

"It all started when I started asking myself if I was ready. You know, you're a good guy, Craig can even consider one of the best, but-"

"Then why didn't you choose me?" Hindi nya maiwasang putulin ang sinasabi ng dalaga. He was drowning in emotions. He deserves to know, and by hearing her start, it felt awful like it tasted bitter in sugar coating.

"Hindi mo ako ipagpapalit kung ayan ang tingin mo." She looked down and bitterly smiled. Even if she noticed how he is reacting, ipinagpatuloy nya ang explanation nya.

"But as we continue our relationship, I was starting to lose myself. We were very young back then, reckless, emotional, and that's the point in our lives where we did dream higher than the stars." She paused as she looked at him directly in the eyes. It wasn't the same pair of eyes anymore.

"I still remember you, telling me about every detail, then I ask myself, in ten years from now, where will I be?"

"I already told you that my dreams are also for you." It was almost a whisper, but he really needs to say it to make things clearer for him. Because one thing's for sure, he doesn't understand. Iniwan nila itong naguguluhan. Hindi ba't kaya nga sila naririto ngayon ay para malaman ang totoo?

"Yes, I know. And seeing you being that dreamer you were, makes me even more proud than I really am back then. You were so beautiful planning your future and on the second thought, I don't want to take that from you. So I left."

"You can just talk to me if you want to change them, Marsha. We can make adjustments." He was still trying to prove his point. It doesn't even make sense to him.

"It's not just about you, Craig. I don't want to be a part of it because I want that for myself too. And having you as my boyfriend makes it harder for me to think of myself. I let you go because I lack self-actualization, I was lost. I have no dreams, no plans because I was used to just hearing yours." Every word felt like a spit of venom. Maski si Marsha ay naiinis na rin ata.

Natahimik muna sila. Nagtatansyahan.

Napayuko si Craig. Bumulong sya.

"Then why didn't I know that?"

"Because you never ask."

He stared at her. And just like snow, the pieces of his heart were slowly falling down the ground once again. Is it his fault? Nakalimutan nga ba nya sa proseso si Marsha? He didn't mean to make her feel that way. But he didn't really know.

They should've talked things through. But it was too late.

The dream was to marry her. To become a famous writer. To travel the world. It's just funny that it didn't end up just the way he planned to be.

"But I never blame you for that." She smiled genuinely. The smile to assure him it was all okay.

"Why would I cut your wings when you're meant to soar high? I'll just pull you down if I'd stay. You see, I met Aldrin. He was always there asking me how I am, and maybe, it's a sort of mutual understanding because we both failed to dream for ourselves. We enjoyed our days sorting out what we want to be in the future, you and I lost communication because you were busy and I understood that, the next thing I knew, I started seeing myself dreaming, that's the time I realized I already fell out of love with you. It's not your fault, Craig. I fell in love with him because it's my choice. Aldrin helped me find myself, not because you are not there for me, but because I am happy when I'm with him."

The first love finds the love that makes her happy. He doesn't know how to react. Kung masaya sya sa iba, how would he take that from her?

All he could ever say was an apology. It doesn't even sit well in the conversation. But it's the only thing he sees fit. Maybe, she suffered in his arms, and breaking free was the only way to find the love that's meant for her.

"I am sorry."

"Don't be, Craig. So, leaving you was the best choice than stay with you when I already love someone else. I am sorry if he had to be your best friend. It was painful for me too, I thought of it countless times because I don't want to be unfair to you even though I was scared how would you take it. But remembering all the good things you did for me, made me let go of your love because I know I don't deserve it. I was hoping every day that you'll find that someone too, that woman that will make you happy even though you are giving up on yourself, the way Aldrin makes me feel." I smiled as I let my tears flow down my cheeks.

Yes. I hope I'll find that, too.

"Hey, how's your day?" Nagkasundo sila ni Sam na magkita half way. Sa Park malapit sa bahay nya. Nang makita pa lamang nya ang dalaga, he loosen up. And when she walked towards him, like it was the only right thing to do, he pulled her close and hugged her. He rested his face on her shoulder. Pagod na pagod sya sa araw na ito.

"You'd be fine." Bulong ni Sam habang hinihimas ang buhok nito.

"How's your piano lessons?"

"Bad. My fingers hurt." She giggled. They stayed there for a while. Hugging. Talked small. Hearts connected.

The second love.

The meeting place was near the bay, where she told him, she didn't love him anymore. If Marsha is special, Jackie was the memorable one. It was the exact same place. Funny how things turned out. The beginning and the end.

Their younger selves were the adventure type. They traveled a lot. Did crazy things. Partied like wild animals. The adrenaline is the climax of their relationship. So when she broke up with him, he started hating the things they love doing together; adventure.

He was stunned when he saw her walking in his direction, pregnant. The last time he remembered she was vocal that their plan would be no children, just marriage. She wasn't a fan of having a baby. Hindi nito gustong magkaanak, and he was supportive.

It's the kind of love that drove him to accept all the things that make who she is.

I guess, she has a family now. He thought at the back of his mind.

"Yes. It was the best risk I took after I left you." Wala pa syang sinasabi ngunit sinagot na ni Jackie ang bumabagabag sa utak nya.

He was starting to think he was the problem here. But he needs more answers.

"What do you mean?"

"Someone got me pregnant while we're in a relationship."

"What?!" Wala sa lugar ang pagkagulat nya. But Jackie expected more so it wasn't that hard to admit. She knew Craig's nice and all. He was always nice.

"Yes. I don't really know what to do. Me, doesn't want a child to get pregnant? Life is a joke. You probably hate me if you knew back then."

They fell silent. Craig evaluated himself. Alam nyang hindi nya kayang magalit kay Jackie sa puntong kakamuhian nya ito dahil sa ganoong dahilan. Dahil alam ng mundo kung gaano nya kamahal ito. Kung gaano sya sumugal, at handang matalo ng paulit-ulit at subukan muli basta sa huli sya ang premyo.

He courted her for a year. It wasn't easy. But when she said yes, he knew, by then, he'll never let her down. But life's a cruel friend, who placed down a reverse card and she's the one who betrayed him.

"If you have just told me, I can take responsibility."

But Jackie knew that. She knew him well. Why would she give him the responsibility that wasn't his? Ganoon naman talaga. All the consequences were only for the one who carries the child. It was the bitter truth.

Bata pa sila. Umaasa sa magulang. Hindi kasalanan ni Craig pero ready syang sumugal noon. Sa lahat ng bagay kung ang nakataya ay si Jackie. Isang problema ni Craig na kapag nagmahal, todo bigay. Kaya siguro sya naubos ngayon. He gave so much already. And it wasn't reciprocated to the extent of what it needs.

He didn't mind how much they can give, he was okay with every ounce of being loved back. Even just a little bit. What he just wanted was they would stay. But no one stayed.

"That's the thing I never wanted you to do, that's why I broke up with you."

"Why?" Napatingin sya sa katabi. Sya nga ba ang problema? Ano ba ang dapat nyang gawin?

"Because what happened wasn't just a mistake, Craig. I'm a hooker. I sell my body behind your back. The craziest thing was I didn't even give my body to you because you respect me that much. While me, giving my body that's not even my boyfriend."

He was lost in his own thoughts. Sobrang gulo ng isip nya. What the hell did he just hear? At bakit ngayon nya lang ito nalalaman lahat? He felt unfair. Nasasaktan sya ng ilang taon. At hindi lang naman pala sya. Hindi nya alam kung saan ilulugar ang mga emosyon nya. Deserve nya pa bang magalit? Deserve nya ba ang lahat ng ito? He wiped his tears as he registers what she had suffered. She doesn't deserve that. He wished he knew it sooner.

He even wished he was there.

If only she let him.

"I know I'm pathetic. Do you still remember the days you want to throw everything out just for me? You failed some of your exams, cut your classes, delayed projects, because you are always thinking of me. We want to have our names tattooed on each other, but your parents won't allow you. You came to the point that you're willing to rebel against them. And I don't want that. I'll never want you to drag yourself down just for me. Of things you planned out just to make me happy."

She showed him her right hand and his eyes widened when he saw her tattoo. She has his name inked in her hand forever. He looked confused. He can't utter a word. He was just puzzled.

"That's the least thing I can do for you, to remember that once in my life, where its point is the filthiest, there's someone who thinks of me as the woman who deserves respect." She put his hand in her belly, the baby kicked and he was so astonished by the sudden gesture.

They were beautiful.

"Having the baby made me realized that it's not the essence of a woman is to bear a child, but to be a mother. I gave up my wrongdoings to make my son have a mother he can truly be proud of. "

Pinapanood lamang ni Craig si Jackie. He was also proud. The lady he knew grew into the woman she is now.

"I met someone along the way, who accepted me and loved me, supported me in building my life once again. He married me despite my past. He just doesn't know when to give up. He's proving himself every day that I'm worthy of such love. And I knew, you'll find that someone too. That even if you have all the flaws the world can hate you for having, there will be someone who will accept you just the way you are."

"What's the name of your first son?" He asked her, smiling as he let his tears trail off but it didn't hurt anymore. It wasn't pain. It was out of joy because he was happy for her.

"I got him named after you. Craig Johnson."

It was hard to find Ellie. So it took time. Mas maaliwalas na ang aura ni Craig. Just like buds of flowers, finally opening up, even if it's slow. Yes, in time.

"You're ready to meet her?"

"Yes." He honestly answered. From the last meeting with his exes, it helped him. Nabitawan nya ang mga baggages na pilit nyang dinadala sa maraming taon. It felt lighter. Tila nabunutan na sya ng mga mabibigat na dala sa loob. He was excited to be free.

"Nadi-distract ako. Umalis ka muna."

"Arte naman neto. Parang nanonood lang e." Nakapangalumbaba si Sam habang pinapanood na mag piano si Craig. He just can't admit that whenever she's around, he easily gets flustered.

"Pikit ka."

"I want to see you play." Napapairap na sabi ni Sam.

"I don't want you to see me play." Ipinagpapatuloy lang nila ang batuhan ng asaran hanggang sa matawa na lang sila pareho. Pinagbigyan naman nyang manood si Sam ng isang beses. At ang isang beses na iyon ang dahilan bakit knock out na ito sa sofa at nahihimbing.

It really works every time.

The third love.

If Marsha was the special one, Jackie is memorable, Ellie was the most painful. Being with Ellie for the longest time, made him believed that she will be his end game.

Nagpropose na sya nun e. Nag iipon na sa kasal, bahay at mga plano sa buhay.

He thought he figured things out already, but she left. Without explanations. Kung kailan akala nya, kahit nasaktan sya noon, possible pa rin ang happy ending nya. Ang maybe, that was too much to ask for?

Because for now, he is firm that love is not for all. It chooses people. May mga sumasaya at merong hindi. At kabilang sya sa mga hindi para rito. Ang tatlong mga babae raw ang pruweba.

May mga magmamahal, at merong titigil na kasi pagod ng masaktan. He couldn't afford to try anymore. He was too broken for another heartbreak.

That's what Ellie gave him.

But she was the love that felt like an electric love, the kind of romance in books. Nakakakuryente ang pakiramdam tuwing magdidikit ang mga kamay nila. Namumula sya. Nahihiya. At kinikilig kahit hindi ipahalata.

Masungit si Ellie, sosyal, a typical rich girl when they first met. He didn't mean to fall in love, but he ended up falling. Besides, she's younger.

The way she was straightforward, playful, clumsy, he felt like he's in a game he didn't regret joining. She surely did gave him butterflies.

It was a fairytale in the making. She was the princess of his dreams.

Akala nya okay na ang lahat.

Binitiwan nya ang pagsusulat and pursued a promising career. A bachelor of Blake's. A self-made man. Entrepreneur. Earning a lot. She was already his fiancee. What could possibly go wrong, right?

Pero paano nga ba malalamang palabas ang lahat? Kapag nagsara na ang kurtina?

It was freaking 5 damn years. Of he thought was real.

She was a princess of his dreams? No. Of her father's. All the strings became visible when it was already choking her. She knew she's not the person she's playing as. But she was manipulated to do what she's asked.

But it was all bearable because it had to be him. It was Craig. She tried liking him.

Craig's the most understanding man she ever met. And somehow, may be sa kanya nya nakikita yung pagmamahal na hinahanap nya sa tatay nya?

Craig's different.

Sinubukan nyang magpanggap na masama ang ugali, he was blind.

She tried going overboard. Kapag nagsususngit, cute raw. Kapag nagtataray, fierce.

Kapag nag-aasal ng wala sa lugar, unique.

She tried doing all the things that could make him hate her, but he was always trying to see the beauty in everything. He loved every bit of her.

That's when the strings got tighter. She can't do this to him. It was all for money.

After everything, he has done? Sa taong nakikita ang lahat na maganda, kahit anong ipakita nya?

The ring was the sign. When the sun reflected unto it, it was the turning point, she knew she'll never forgive herself if she doesn't give it back.

So when she broke up with him, she left. Nagtago. She was so embarrassed.

Craig was taken aback. Nahigit ang hininga nito nang may babaeng pumasok sa cafe.

IT WAS HER. A WHOLE KIND OF DIFFERENT. It was her but felt like not whom he has known.

If Jean looked innocent, Ellie was angelic. She was prim and proper.

BUT, today was different.

Panglalaki ang gupit, in contrast to her long wavy brown hair way back.

The girl who wore dresses every day is on her slacks today.

Her milk and flawless skin were now covered with tattoos.

Ang maliit at cute na ilong, already designed with piercings.

Does that make her less? No. But he noticed how she was glowing despite the changes. Lalagnatin na ata si Craig.

"Hi. How have you been?"

"Hello."

It was awkward. Napansin ni Ellie iyon. Natawa sya nang mapagtantong iba nga pala ang itsura nya ngayon.

"Buti na lang, nakipagkita ka na." Malungkot nitong ngiti. Tumango lang si Craig. Naalala nya ang singsing, nasa kwarto pa pala nya.

"I'm going to California tomorrow. Makikipag bati na ako kay Dad. I know, before I leave, I need to meet you. Alam kong hindi madaling patawarin ang ginawa ko, pero alam mo, lagi kong pinagdarasal na kahit hindi mo na ako mapatawad basta maging masaya ka na."

"What did go wrong, Ellie?"

"Everything was wrong. Me. Us. But it was never you. It wasn't your fault."

"Pinaglaruan mo lang ba ako? Am I just one of your childish games?" She was slightly offended because she knew he was also pointing out their age difference.

"I have tried."

"Tried not playing with me?"

"I've tried liking you." It surely hit a nerve. Really? He didn't understand. He wanted to.

"Ano?" He got up. He was pissed. "Sa limang taong iyon? Ni hindi mo man lang ako minahal?" He was beyond disappointed.

"I'm sorry." Her apology doesn't make him feel better. Tinignan nya si Ellie, tinatansya. Ellie felt the pressure. Napalunok ito at malungkot na sinalubong ang tingin nya.

"I-inutusan lang akong paibigin ka. Natali ako sa kamay ng tatay ko. He liked the favors you're giving him in entering the company."

"You could've refused." Napayuko si Ellie nang makita ang galit sa mga mata nito. Hindi naman talaga nito nakitang galit noong sila pa. Did she really break him?

"Ellie." It was silence. Craig slammed the table.

"He was physically hurting m-me. I was emotionally abused." Pumatak ang mga luha nito.

Napalunok si Craig. Napakuyom ang mga kamay. Nanghina ang mga tuhod nya, at pinili na lang maupo ulit. There's so much emotional baggage that it was already draining.

"B-but" He looked up, at mariin na napapikit nang makita nya kung paano subukan ni Ellie aminin ang totoo.

"You taught me how to love myself. For all my life, I was in his shadows. Lahat ng inuutos nito ay ginawa ko. My career. Ang mga uri ng damit na dapat sinusuot ko. Ang mga galaw ko. His approval was the basis of my worth. It was suffocating, Craig." Hinawakan ni Ellie ang kamay ni Craig.

"But you? You were different. Your love made me feel what freedom is, how it is to live outside the prison my dad built for me." Craig looked away. Inalis nya ang mga kamay ng dalaga sa kamay nya.

He was sad. Angry. Confused. He already understands what's happening. Everything was too much. But it was all too much to swallow.

"But then again, hindi mo deserve yun. When you bent on one knee, it started eating me. Every night, I suffered thinking, umabot na ang kalokohang iyon sa puntong ibibigay mo na ang habang buhay mo na kasama ako. Naramdaman kong maitatali nanaman ako sa bagay na hindi ko gusto. I-I don't want to hate you as much as I hate my father. Kasi hindi kayo magkatulad."

"Hindi mo ba talaga ako natutunang mahalin? Kahit kaunti?"

"I was loving you for all the wrong reasons. I was only loving how I wished my father had loved me. Hindi ka rehabilitation center na aayos ng sira, Craig. Hindi ikaw ang makakapag ayos sakin. Hindi ikaw ang makakapagpalaya sa akin." Dahan dahan iyon katulad ng dahan dahang tumatahi sa mga sugat nilang dalawa.

Para sa kalayaan. Sa pagiging malaya.

"Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin nang pagpipili. Akala ko sa iba ko mahahanap ang pagmamahal na makakapagpalaya sa akin. Iyon pala, ay pagpili lang iyon sa sarili."

"That's why you ran away." Tumango si Ellie.

"Dahil hinabol ko yung nawawalang ako."

"Pero dinala mo ang puso ko kasama mo."

"Hindi." Malungkot na ngumiti si Ellie at umiling. She doesn't like how he looked sad. Malamang, he was fooled. Abandoned. Left confused.

Nagsimula na ring pumatak ang mga luha ni Craig nang yumuko sya. Pare-pareho silang nasasaktan. At hindi nya nagugustuhan ang naririnig.

"Allow yourself to heal. Free yourself. Hindi iba ang bubuo satin, Craig. Kundi tayo mismo."

She's right. Buong buhay nya ay idinepende nya ang kaligayahan nya sa iba nang walang itinitira sa sarili, kaya naman kapag nawawala sila, umaalias, walang naiiwan. His self worth was dependent to them.

He thought he was suffering for the love that's not reciprocated when in fact it's the love that he never gave to himself.

"And a heart cannot fully love when it's not full."

She got up and walked towards him. Hugging him as she whispered countless apologies.

Hindi nila pinansin ang paligid.

Inilabas ni Craig lahat ng nararamdaman nya ng araw na iyon. She was the last wound to be stitched. Kahit ramdam nya ang bawat karayom ng katotohanan, pinilit nyang tanggapin ang bawat pagtusok nito. Ang hapdi ng talim ng tatlong pag-ibig na mismo ring sumugat sa kanya, ay ito rin pala ang makakapagsara.

He didn't utter a word.

Ellie's comfort was enough to finally let go of the past he was holding and living with, all these years.

It's almost over.

He will be okay.

Everything will be alright in time.

2 years after...

Craig rolled his eyes when he saw Jean smiling from ear to ear. He knew there's something suspicious about the audition she forced him to join.

"Asaan na yung baguhang banda?" Jean hugged him.

"Jean." Bulong nya. Narinig nya ang hagikgik ng kaibigan. Bumukas ang pinto sa harap nila.

"Last call for auditionees." Jean pushed Craig inside. Bago pa sya makapag-react ay ni-lock na nung facilitator ang pintuan.

It wasn't a newbie band, audition yon para maging keyboard ng isang sikat na bandang 'REVIVED'. Nagquit ang dating miyembro at in-open sa public ang position.

Jean was praying. Ilang oras na rin itong naghihintay sa labas. Lumabas si Craig ng malungkot. Nang makita nya ito ay yumakap na lang sya at sinabing unang try pa lang naman.

At katulad ng dating gawi, isisiksik nya ang mukha sa leeg nito.

"Tigas kasi ng ulo mo." Jean pouted.

"Pasok tuloy ako." Napahiwalay si Jean, and she teared up and he was laughing wiping her tears. HE GOT IN.

That was the start of their redirection. It all started with Jean's sleeping problems at kita mo namang sikat na rin sya, music tours, concerts, REVIVED was one of the famous band in the country.

Craig got a call from his hometown. Pumayag ang manager nito for some reasons. He was invited to play the piano in the church near his old house.

As he drove to the church, napangiti sya. It felt surreal. Nalalasap nya ang mga pinagdaanan nya at mga tagumpay na dito naman talaga nagsimula.

Marsha taught him to choose the love that makes you happy.

Jackie taught him that there is someone who will love you just the way you are.

Ellie taught him that love sets us free, it was okay to choose ourselves first.

But Jean was the best lesson in his life.

They say that in this lifetime, you can encounter three kinds of love, pero bakit walang nagsabi ng pang apat?

Because despite being a broken guy, hater, bitter, aloof, uptight, there was Jean who broke down his walls just to make him understand that everything happens for a reason.

May Jean na handang makinig. May Jean na ihaharap ka sa mga kinakatakutan mo. May Jean na nag push sa kanyang mag move on. May naniwalang Jean na kaya nyang maging sikat na pianist. Kasi May Jean na handang maging kaibigan.

As he pressed down keys, play music, mariin syang napapikit nang makita itong hinahatid na.

Nakangiti. She was beautiful. Isang tunay na anghel.

Magandang nakasuot ng puting gown.

Na parang inimagine nya sa lahat ng ex nya. Kasi ang pangarap naman nya talaga e makasal.

"Dreams do come true" bulong nya sa sarili nya.

Then he realized hindi naman pala Love chooses people.

People choose to love.

That's what Jean taught him. Regardless of who you are, you can be loved, and it doesn't hurt to be the reason why someone feels loved.

Nang makarating at maihatid na si Jean sa altar, hindi nya na mapigilang maiyak.

So he ran away.

As fast as he could. Climbed to the rooftop of his old house. The witness of their journey. Of sleepless nights. Puyatan sessions. Mini piano concerts. Daily asaran. Peaceful star gazings. Tawanan eveyday. Pitik bulag. Brainstorming. Pillow fights. Trying new recipes. Her teasing him. Craig's topak and sungit moments. The place was filled with so much love.

Andami nga talagang nangyari.

He looked up to the sky. If only he had the chance to admit it to her.

He fell in love. Pero hindi nya nagawa e.

After all the things that happened, he learned so much.

Alam nyang nasasaktan sya ngayon pero magmamahal pa rin sya. Hindi sya mapapagod.

But this was harder than seeing her marry.

It was harder to see her in a coffin.

Because the real reason why he ran away from the church as he was not attending a wedding but a FUNERAL.

It was windy up there. The clouds were generous. It started pouring like they were meant to cry for him, crying for her.

"Jean, I love you."

THE END

Title: 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵 𝓯𝓾𝓷 : FUNERAL