"Lamar where's my money? You're son and I need the money to survive!" Mariah said over the phone and I know damn well she's making a disgusted face.
"I'm getting there Mariah. Can I see him?" I asked putting a vape up to my mouth and inhaling the nicotine. I feel it burn my throat and enter my lungs, I let it sit for a moment before releasing the smoke out into the air.
"No." She said stubbornly. I roll my eyes because we've been having this fight since she told me she was pregnant six months ago.
"Why not? He's my flesh and blood, also you gave him my last name and I'm paying a lot of money for you two, so why can't I see him?"
"You know why Lamar, I don't want Javonte around a fag who is into drugs and alcohol."
I put the phone away from my ear and groan. I put the phone back to my ear and say "I wouldn't do that shit around him, I'd be sober, and I wouldn't touch any drugs at all."
All of this got me thinking back to the day I told my parents she was pregnant and that I was gay, oh boy was that day eventful.
6 months earlier.
"Mom dad... There's something I need to tell y'all." I said bouncing my leg nervously, it's a habit that I can't help.
"What's wrong Lamar? You didn't fuck up again did you?" Mama asked raising an eyebrow at me.
"Erm kinda..." I said looking down. I can feel their eyes burning into the top of my head and all it does is make this upcoming conversation very scary. "I got Mariah Brown pregnant..."
"WHAT!" Mama yelled, she and dad are very religious and traditional, so the next thing I have to say isn't gonna be good.
"Boy the fuck were you thinking?" Dad asked shaking his head in disappointment.
"I wasn't..." I said awkwardly. "That's umm... That's not all."
"Whatcha do you man whore." Mama said staring at me with a look of disgust on her face. Damn I knew I was a disappointment but she didn't need to call me that.
"Please don't be mad..." I said wringing my hands together "I'm gay..." They stare at me for a minute until dad busted out laughing. "Why're you laughing?"
"Oh that was funny." Dad said holding his side as he takes deep breaths to regain control of himself. "You got Mariah Brown pregnant meaning you had sex with a girl, so how the fuck can you be a faggot when you had sex with her?"
I feel my face heating up and I stutter out the words "I was trying to turn myself straight..." Before I can finish my sentence I felt a hand slap dead across my face. Tears burn my eyes as I stared up at my mother who had a look of disgust on her face. "Mom I..."
"Don't mom I me." She said kissing her teeth in anger. I stare at her livid face, her eyes might as well be a beady red. She's so mad that I can see the veins getting ready to pop outta her skin. "You used that poor girl, ugh you disgust me. Faggots like you shouldn't be fathers hell they should die."
"Y-You can't mean that..." I try to say, but the look of hatred and disapproval told me that she meant it.
"Oh but I do. No son of mine will ever be part of that sinful group. You disgust me Lamar, why did you chose to be gay? Just why?"
"I didn't chose to be this way!" I said standing up.
Dad stands up as well and pushes me back down while saying "you're a sinner, being gay and having sex before marriage, have fun rotting in hell and take that devil baby wit ya."
"Y'all are unbelievable." I whispered staring at them, they are so caught up in their religious beliefs that they would throw insults at their own kid for being different.
"Get out." Dad said with no emotion whatsoever.
"What? You can't be serious?" I said with wide eyes.
"Go get your things and get out." Mom said sitting down on the couch with her hand on her head.
"Wow, what happened to y'all saying you should always love your kids no matter what? Huh?" I said standing back up. Angry and sad tears roll down my cheeks and I furiously wipe them away.
Dad sneers and says "man shall not lie with man."
"What about You shall love your neighbor as yourself, huh? You don't have to agree wit me, but you shouldn't judge me because my body reacts to the sight of another mans body instead of a female!"
I instantly regretted saying anything at all the second my dads fist connected with my face. My head slams to the side and a blazing headache surges through my head.
"Forget it... I'm out of here." I whispered running upstairs to get my shit. As I packed my bags I made sure to slam everything as I go.
When I was done I ran down the stairs with as much things that I could grab and went to my car and got out of here as fast as I could without going over the speed limit.
After a while of driving I call my best friend Ray and asked him if I was allowed to chill at his place for the night his mom and dad said yeah so looks like I'm spending the night there.
6 months later.
I stare at my teacher not moving or really feeling anything to be honest wit ya. The convo Mariah and I had yesterday really pissed me off so I resulted to smoking marijuana and crack along wit drinking a bottle of whiskey, so yeah I'm fucked up right now.
"Lamar are you even paying attention?" The bitch ass teacher asked me. I looked in her eyes then back to looking at my desk because I can feel everyone's eyes on me. "Pay attention in my class, do you need to go to ISS?"
"No ma'am." I said softly. I can't stand the people here, everyone is either just plain rude, homophobic, or racist and lets see I got a child, I'm gay, and I'm black so yep either one of those aren't ok to someone, sometimes it's all three, but most of the time it's only one or the other.
"Hey faggot." I look to my left to see Colton Smith smirking at me, I roll my eyes and stare at my work. "Look at me when I'm talking to you faggot."
"Stop." I muttered. This boy is really popular and almost everyone is scared of him, but I'm not and he knows that so he tries to make me scared of him.
"Whatcha say faggot boy? I couldn't understand you, sounds like you had had a dick in your mouth when you said that." He said smirking. I grip my pencil and ignore him cause I know what he's trying to do and it's not gonna work. "You're disgusting, no one will ever love you, and I bet that baby ain't even yours."
I slam my fist down on the table and yell "SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!" By now everyone was staring at me so I did the only logical thing, I slam my chair back pick my shit up and leave the room ignoring the teacher who was telling me to get back in that room.
Once I left the room I ran to the bathroom and went straight to the sink and splashed cold water on my face to keep me from crying, I will not cry over some big bully.
When I was sure that the tears had stopped I went into the last stall, locked the door, slid down the wall and wrapped my arms around my legs.
I wipe my eyes and will myself to calm down, when I calmed down I walk outta the bathroom to go to class only to get stopped by the principal saying "Lamar my office now."
I stare into the distance wondering where my place is in this world, if I was to take my life away would anyone care? The answer to that question is no, no one will care because I'm just a pathetic son of a bitch that everyone except my parents despise.
Let's see every friend I ever had either left after a while or played me like a violin all because they wanted something from me or they just got tired of me.
It's petty I know.
Why do people leave me? I try to be a nice guy, I try to be like everyone else and all I hear is shit because of it, maybe I wasn't meant to be on the face of this planet.
"Mr. Miller what's got you stuck in your head." Mrs. Loman said staring at me above her glasses, I hate it when teachers do that it's creepy.
"Nothing." I sneered. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm tired of being nice, since no one accepts me for who I am I'll just be a bitch to everyone.
"Lose the attitude." She said narrowing her eyes at me. I just shrug and kick my feet up on the table knowing it'll piss her off. "You're about to go to ISS young man."
"Then send me old lady." I said relaxing in my chair. I've been to ISS so many times that I'm used to it.
"Meet me in the hallway Mr. Miller." She said with a low voice that was meant to be threatening but it made her sound like she gotta cold.
"Sir yes sir." I said saluting her as I left the room. I don't care if I'm rude, she was rude first.
I lean against the lockers and something catches my eye a young man just hauled ass into the men's room. I shrug it off and wait for satan -I mean Mrs. Loman.
She comes out and says "do you know why you're out here?"
"Yes because you told me to come out here." I said crossing my arms and giving her a bored look.
"You were very disrespectful in there, what happened to you Jackson? You were so nice and on top of things in the beginning of the year and now your grades are slipping and you don't seem to care about your education."
"Wow you were right for once." I said clapping my hands slowly "I don't care about my education, what's the point anyways?"
She stares at me for a moment, looks to her left and says "Mrs. Bradley take Mr. Miller with you, he needs to be stirred into the right direction."
"Mr. Miller come." I glare at both teachers and follow Mrs. Bradley to the office. I look at the boy with her and he looks familiar "so whatcha do?"
He raises an eyebrow at me and before he can say anything Mrs. Bradley says "no talking." I mock her behind her back causing the boy to smirk which makes me smirk as well. I don't know why, but I find myself blushing when he smirked like that. Wait why am I blushing?
When we got in the office I sit down in the familiar chairs and fold my arms over top of my chest, kick my feet up on her desk and relax.
"Jackson get your feet off my desk." Mrs. Bradley said giving me snake eyes. I throw my hands up in surrender and sit up some. "You're both here for disrespecting a teacher and Lamar a student, mind telling me one at a time what caused this disruption?"
"Schools a bunch of BS so what if I don't pay attention that's my own fault, so why would y'all worry about what I'm doing?" I asked.
"Jackson I saw your papers stating that you want to be something big when you grow up and I believe you have the potential, but you are slacking this year and we're all concerned."
I shrug and say "that's nice, someone's actually concerned about me! Well look Mrs. Bradley with all do respect I don't give a fuck anymore."
She sighs and looks at Lamar and says "now why are you here Mr. Williams."
"I'm here because I told a bully to shut up." He said with a deep husky voice that made my eyes widen holy shit! Wait that thought was so gay, I'm not gay.
"You're here because you weren't paying attention in class, you're here for yelling at another student, and you're here for running out of the classroom. Now explain yourself."
He cuts eyes at her and says "I have a lot on my mind at the moment. Also that boy called me names and whatcha expect me to do sit there and let him bully me."
"No I expect you to tell an adult what's happening, also I know that you have a baby on the way..."
"He's not on the way he's here." Lamar said crossing his arms glaring at her.
"Either way that still doesn't give you an excuse not to pay attention to your school work. You're eighteen years old Lamar and your about to graduate, so you need to start acting right and paying closer attention to everything around you. If not for yourself than do it for your son."
Wow he has a son... Was not expecting that. Lamar says "I'm doing just fine in school and I know that it's important, but right now it's number three on my priority list."
She stares at the both of us and says "I think y'all should help each other."
"What?" We asked at the same time. We look at one another than back at the principal and say "why?"
"You are both going through something, you are both slacking in school and I think it'd help you two grow as human beings."
"You can't be serious!" I said glaring at her "I don't need help or to grow as a human being!"
"Just try it and see where it goes." She said. I just stare at her wondering what the fuck is going through her brain.
"Nah ion need help." Lamar said glaring at her. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure cause you don't look fine." I said trying to be funny, but he glares at me and I shut up.
"This isn't a question this is an order, I want you two to get to know each other a little better and I expect to see improvement." She said giving us a cold stare.
"You can't just boss us around like that!" I said appalled. This bitch can't be serious.
"Just do it for at least a week, if by the end of the week there is no improvements whatsoever you both will be in ISS for an entire week and still no improvement I'll be talking to y'alls parents."
Lamars face darkens and he says "like you said I'm eighteen which makes me an adult I don't have to do this."
"Your still in school and until you graduate you have to listen to older and more mature adults."
"Fine whatever." I said sitting up fully "can I go?"
"You both can go to an empty computer lab and I want y'all to learn and grow together, help each other." She says leaning towards us with her hands on her desk staring at us. "A teacher will come in every time the bell rings to give you work to do."
We stand up and leave the room silently. What's the point in hanging out when we don't even know each other, hell I didn't even know he existed until today. She's acting like we've been fighting for years and she wants us to make up and become friends.
When we get inside the computer lab Lamar says "I have no idea why she's doing this so you know."
"Good cause I don't either." I said sitting down in a chair and kicking my feet up on the table. He sighs and sits down on the other side of the table and pulls out his phone.
I pull my phone out as well and play subway surfers for the next ten minutes or so. After a while I got bored and I look at Lamar, I watch as he bites his lip and I see that he bounces his leg a lot, probably cause he's nervous or something.
"Hi bored I'm Lamar." He said smirking.
"Haha nice dad joke." I said rolling my eyes. "Did you say a dad joke because you're a dad right?"
He hesitates a bit and then says "that's none of your business." I shrug cause I don't really care. "But yeah I am if you have a problem I can go."
"Nah I don't care, so what if you have a kid already." I said shrugging. He nods and continues to look at his phone.
I watch his every move and study him, his eyes are a reddish color and he just looks out of it. Wait is he high?
"Why do you keep staring at me? It's weird." Lamar asked looking up at me.
"Don't know." I said looking away blushing.
"Well if you wanna talk then talk. Stop being all weird." He said putting his phone down.
"Ok umm what's your kid's name?" I asked curious. "Just curious not tryna snoop or anything like that."
"His name is Javonte." Lamar said softly. "He's a couple weeks old."
"Cute name." I said awkwardly.
"His mother picked it out."