2 Chapter 1: Getting to know each other

Lamars POV:

Jackson gives me a small smile and says "are y'all still together or..."

"Nah we were never together together." I said softly. I look into Jackson's baby blue eyes and I can't help but smile shyly at him.

"Oh." He said awkwardly he puts his hand through his blonde hair and smiles sheepishly "sorry."

"Don't worry bout it." I said breaking eye contact with him. "How old are you? You seem mighty young."

He rolls his eyes, crossed his arms, and says "I'm not that young. I'm actually sixteen years old, you're eighteen right?"

"Yeah how'd ya know?" I asked putting my phone in my pocket.

"Mrs. Bradley said you're a senior." He said smirking.

"Oh yeah." I said. I look him up and down and he's not bad looking at all, but I promised myself not to hit on any guys unless they hit on me first.

"Yeah." He said. We sit here staring at each other awkwardly. "So umm what to do?"

"I dunno." I said shrugging my shoulders. He bites his lip and I bounce my leg nervously.

Who knows how long we were staring at each other, but it must've been a while because the door flung open and a teacher comes in and hands us a lot of work saying "do this by the end of the day, whatever y'all don't finish take it home as homework."

We nod and watch as she leaves the room. Jackson grabs his work and skims through it while I actually read what's in front of me.

After a while he groans in frustration, I look up to see him pull his phone out and ask "hey Siri which number is equivalent to..."

I stand up, take his phone, and say "instead of cheating how about you ask for help instead."

"Hey give me my phone back!" Jackson said standing up to his full height.

"No, not if your gonna cheat!" I said walking to the other side of the room. He runs over to me trying to get his phone back but I put my hand in the air and I'm way taller so he can't reach it.

He jumps up trying to reach it but I keep on running away and keeping it out of his reach, but after a while I started to get tired and when I least expected it he knocked me to the ground.

I gasp some when my back hits the ground, Jackson trips and falls on top of me catching himself with his arms on either side of my face.

"Oof." He whispered with his eyes closed. He opens his eyes and says "sorry... Shit..." He takes his phone and tries to get up, but his hip grazes on top of my dick and fuck all my blood travels down south. No not now. His eyes widen and he jumps off of me "a-are you?"

He starts backing up and I stand up and say "it's not what you think..."

"What your dick didn't just poke me it was something else?" He said with a squeaky voice.

"Jackson..." I started to walk towards him but he only steps back. "Look I'm gay ok, I don't like you like that tho."

"Yeah your dick says otherwise." He said putting his hands on his hips glaring at me.

My face heatings up and I say "I dunno why that happened."

He takes a deep breath and says "I don't care that you're gay... But I wanna make one thing clear I am not gay and I never will be."

"I get it... Besides I don't like you like that I don't know why that happened." I said sitting down putting my book bag over top of my lap to keep it hidden from view.

That was really embarrassing. After that little incident we kinda kept a distance and he was acting awkward as well, tho I really don't blame him.

When I was done I stand up and say "imma go to the bathroom be right back..."

"Ight... You're taking care of that right." He points at my special spot and I groan because it's painfully obvious that it's there. "Do me a favor and don't think about me."

I feel my face heating up and I say "didn't plan on it."

After I said that I ran to the bathroom far to embarrassed to even think about anything. I look down and sigh before I pull my water bottle out of my bag and fill it with cold water. When it was filled I walk into the stall and dump the cold water on my dick hoping it'll go down because I refuse to get off to the thought of another guy.

When I was done I was about to walk back to the computer lab but before I could leave Colton and his friends blocked my way.

"Lettme past Colton." I said not in the mood for his games.

"Eh I don't think so." He said shoving me against the wall. "You're a faggot and faggots deserve to rot in hell."

I tense up and say "well I guess I'll see you in hell then."

"Why you little..."

"I'm not a little, I'm a dominant and since I'm gay I'll fuck you until you can't walk if you put you're filthy hands on me again." I said in a monotone voice. I wouldn't actually do it, but they need to fuck off and leave me alone.

"You wouldn't dare." He whispered. I can see the fear in his eyes and I kinda feel bad but at the same time I don't.

"I don't want to hurt you Colton, but one day you're gonna catch me at the wrong moment and I may just fuck you up bitch." I whispered in his ear.

He looks me up and down and says "I'll like to see you try fag." He pushes me one more time before walking out of the bathroom along with his friends.

"Asshole." I muttered grabbing my stuff and leaving the bathroom.

I walk to the computer lab and see Jackson on his phone and I walk over to him. He looks up and says "did you have fun?"

"Haha so funny. Stop thinking that way I didn't do shit I was held back by a bunch of bullies." I said sitting down in my spot.

"But you wanted to tho." He said smirking.

"No I refuse to have gay thoughts... It's wrong in everyone's eyes and I'm already going to hell, so why would I listen to my thoughts?"

"Because gay is just as natural as straight." Jackson said looking up from his work. "You're gay embrace it, just because some people don't accept it doesn't mean you should hide it."

"It's not that simple, I have a very homophobic, traditional, and religious family and I broke almost all the Christian rules by having sex young, being gay etc. I used my sons mother to prove to myself that I like girls not guys." I said softly.

"Well... Fuck Christian rules, I was never one to be religious so I don't care what you are or what you do, but you do you. The only people I have a problem with is racist, homophobic, transphobic, Jackasses like Colton Smith, Karen's, pedophiles etc."

"Good to know you ain't racist or homophobic since I'm both black and gay." I said smirking.

"Here's how I look at it, if you're a bitch towards me or people I care about I don't like you, I don't give a fuck if you're black, white, Mexican, Korean, gay, lesbian etc."

"That's a good point." I said softly. I smile some at him and say "you're cool."

"Thanks you are too." He said looking back down at his work.

"So... Since we have to hang out for reasons I'm not so sure about wanna hang out?" I asked.

He freezes then looks up at me and says "how do I know you're not like the others?"

"Whatcha mean?" I asked curiously. What does he mean others?

"Every friend I've ever made has either used me or got tired of me and left, how do I know you're not like the others?" He asked. I look in his eyes and I see that he's hesitant and scared.

"Well I'm not a two face bitch, also all of my friends left too the second I came out, so I know how it feels and I don't want to be the person to cause that sort of pain towards others."

"Ok I'll give you one chance and maybe a second chance depends on the situation, but I don't stick around people who want to use me, hurt me, and leave me. I can't deal with another toxic friendship."

"I promise I won't hurt you on purpose." I stick my hands out "friends?"

Jackson's POV:

I stare at his hand for a second before smiling and saying "friends." I grab his hand and shake it.

He gives me a cute smile making me blush. Wait what? I'm not gay I'm just confused by the whole him having a boner over me barely touching him.

We sit here awkwardly for a few minutes and before anyone can say or do anything the bell for us to go home rings.

"Well umm that's my cue to go." I said grabbing my things. "I'll see you tomorrow right?"

"Most likely." He said grabbing his things. "See ya."

I smile and say "see ya." I walk out the room and run to my bus. I get on the bus and look for a place to sit, but there is no empty seats. Son of a bitch.

"Hey fucker you can sit here." I look over to see Colton Smith looking at me. I shake my head no because he's my bully.

"Mr Miller sit down!" The bus driver said with a annoyed tone.

"Fuck." I muttered. I sit next to Colton and say "don't talk to me."

"Aww why not?" He asked smirking at me. "We'll have so much fun."

I glare at him and say "yeah I bet not."

"Hmm I saw you hanging with the fag, so you're gay now?"

"I'm not gay, he's just my friend now leave me alone." I said putting my headphones in not in the mood for this big idiot. He pulls my headphones out and I glare at him and say "aren't you a senior? If so you should have a car by now."

He glares at me and says "that's none of your business."

"Yeah I'm not sitting here." I said standing up, but he pulls me back down and I say "get the fuck off me."

"No." He said stubbornly.

"Why not?"

"Because I want to do this." He said groping my dick through my pants.

My eyes widen and I immediately punch him in the face saying "you fucking perve!" I stand up and move as fast as I can to get away from him.

I get in a seat with a little sixth grader who looks at me shocked and says "why're you sitting here?"

"Don't ask." I said softly. I put my headphones in and the sixth grader sits as stiff as a board against the window. After a few minutes I say "sorry for hijacking your seat I needed to get away from a bully."

"No it's ok... Just really awkward... Your a high schooler." She said awkwardly.

"Oh yeah definitely awkward I'm like five years older than you." I said softly. "Don't worry I'm not a monster or anything."

"Figured." She said smiling some.

I smile at her and say "so... This isn't awkward."

"No not at all." She said staring out the window.

After that awkward ride I go up to my house and go inside to see food everywhere. "Umm what's going on?"

Mom looks up from the stove and she looked scared and worried, but she smiles at me and says "hey baby welcome home, are you hungry?"

"Uhh a little..." I said sitting down. "What's the occasion? You normally don't cook this much unless something happened."

She sighs and says "your father and I are getting an divorce."

My eyes widen and my heart pounds in my chest, what? "What do you mean divorce?"

The door opens and my dad walks in and he freezes when he sees me. He looks at mom and says "you told him... I thought we were gonna tell him together."

"Well I think he should know the truth, his father is a pig with hair." She snapped.

"If we're spitting out facts how about you tell him that you're a whore." He looks at me and says "yep she's a whore, a home wrecking whore."

"Who're you calling a whore?"

In a blink of an they were going at it and I stand up and go to my room because I had enough of this shit.

I go in my room and throw my bag across the floor and it slams into the wall making a crack noise. "Shit." I go over to it and see the hole I made and mentally cuss myself out.

Ding! I look down and see that my aunt Jay -her whole name is Jayleen- texted me. I smile and read the message.

Cool aunt👹🤩:

Hey kiddo, heard your parents are getting a divorce... How are you?

Me:

Not so good... I'll be ok tho.

Cool aunt👹🤩:

If you ever need to talk I'm here for you boo.

Me:

👍🏻

I put my phone down and stare at the ceiling listening to the bickering and arguing downstairs, this is the new normal I guess...

Later that night I went downstairs to eat something and I saw my mom sitting at the table drinking a bottle of whiskey. "Mom are you ok?"

She looks up at me and I see that her hair is a mess, her eyes look out of it, her facial expressions are sad and angry, and she just doesn't look ok.

"Do I look ok to you?" She slurred her body swayed and the bottle nearly fell out of her hand.

"Mom, you're drunk. Here lettme help you." I said trying to help her, but she glares at me making me back up.

"You look like me... But them eyes remind me of your faggot for a father." She said boldly.

"What do you mean? Dads not gay..." I tried to say, but she gave me a look that made me shut up.

"Why you think we getting a divorce? Your dad was fucking a man and I caught him, he's a faggot baby and if you ever turn into one of them then I'm taking you to Paster Dan to get the demon out of you, promise me you won't go down that path in life like you're father!"

I stare into her eyes and refrain from going off because she's mother. "Mom, I'm not gay."

"Don't let the demon in." She cried. "Your fathers life choices will poison your mind!" I stare at my mother like she grew three heads, ok she's drunk she can't possibly think that way.

"Mom listen to me, that's not how being gay works. Just because dad is doesn't mean I will suddenly become gay!"

She cries and says "he'll brainwash you."

"Mom stop!" I snapped. "I don't care that's gay he's still my dad, but he's not gonna turn me gay!"

When I said that she glared at me and said "you agree wit that nasty ass shit?"

"Yes, but I'm not gay!" I said truthfully. This can't be what she thinks, damn I'm glad I'm not gay. Just thinking about this makes me think about Lamar and I wonder how his parents reacted to him being gay.

"Go to your room." She sneered.

"But I'm hungry!"

"I don't care, you agree with that sin so I want you to go to your and do not come back out until I get the Paster here." She said chugging more of her bottle. I must've been staring for too long because she screamed "GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

When she said that I hauled ass upstairs and slammed my door shut, she can't be serious. I pull my phone out and text my dad.

Me:

Hey what's mom talking about? She keeps saying you're gay... Idc just don't lie to me please.

I put my phone down and try to fall asleep with an empty stomach, which is actually really hard.

The next morning my alarm went off and I check my phone to see if my dad answered me back and he did.

Dad:

I was gonna tell you today... I'm sorry that you had to find out through your mom.

Me:

I still love you dad, no matter what.

Dad:

You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. Ok imma let you go, love you son.

Me:

Love ya too.

I get outta bed and start getting ready for hell, I mean school. When I was done I grab my book bag and start heading outside quietly careful not to wake my mom up.

While I waited for the bus I couldn't stop thinking about what my mom said last night, is she really gonna take me church for not being homophobic?

The bus shows up and when I got on the first person I saw was Colton so I sit in the front to avoid him better.

When I got to school I walk to the cafeteria to get some food because I didn't eat last night and I'm hungry. After I got my food I made my way to the computer lab and saw that Lamar is already here.

Lamars POV:

When I arrived at the school I went straight to the computer lab, sat down, pulled out my headphones, got my notebook and wrote down some lyrics.

I always wanted to be a winner...

But truthfully I am a sinner.

My life is a lie,

Like everyone wants me to die.

I ain't got nothing to live for,

So I show up at Satans door.

As I sit here with the knife,

I think about the meaning of life.

Why is it so hard to end my life with a simple slice?

Is my baby boy my life?

I'm a sinner, I'm a sinner, kill me now, but don't touch my boy.

He won't be your toy.

Sinner that's all I am.

Might as well enjoy your ham cause I'm outta here with a bam.

Sinner, sinner, sinner.

When I was done I looked up and saw Jackson walking into the room, he didn't look too good. I take my headphones out and say "yo you good?"

He looks up and he looks like he didn't sleep a wink. "I'm fine." He muttered sitting down at his spot just sitting there looking off into space.

"Umm ok." I said with a disbelieving tone, like does he really think that I believe him?

A few minutes he asks "how did ya parents react to you being gay?"

I stare at him in shock and I say "uhh why do ya ask?" Why does he care about that?

"My parents are getting a divorce... All because my dad is gay..." He said sheepishly. "Which by the way is a reasonable reason to get a divorce."

"Uhh... Well umm sorry for dat man... But what does this have to do with me coming out to my parents?" I asked pretty damn confused.

He scratches the back of his neck nervously and says "mom... She's very homophobic... I had no idea till last night when she kept talking bout demons and sins..."

I take a deep breath and say "do you agree with her? Do you agree that there's a demon inside every lgbtq person? Do you believe that we're sinners?"

"No not at all." He said softly. "She was drunk last night, like really drunk. When she figured out that I support gays she told me to go to my room and stay there till she got the Paster from church to come see me, course I didn't stay since I'm here but still."

"Sounds like both my parents put together..." I said lookin down. "I'm a sinner... Got a girl pregnant before marriage and I find boys attractive."

"I'm thinking about living with my dad... Last night was too much." He said lookin down.

I awkwardly look down and pull out my phone. I look at a picture of Javonte and smiles I want to meet him so bad, but noooo Mariah won't lettme.

As the day went on Jackson and I talked while doing our work, it was actually interesting that was until the principal came in to check on us, that part was boring.

"Hey after school wanna go to the park and chill?" I asked. "Play some basketball or sum."

For some reason he blushes and says "yeah, but umm I don't have a car and I gotta ride the bus to my moms... And she probably wouldn't lettme go."

"You can ride wit me..." I said feeling my face heating up. "I gotta car and uhh if you don't want to see your mom that's one way to avoid it."

He smiles and says "I'll love to."

When school ended we go to my car and when he gets in his face was on fire. I get in the drivers seat and look around to make sure everything's all good. "You ready to go?"

"Yep!" He said smiling some. The ride there was awkward and quiet, but we managed. When we got there I get out and grab my ball.

"Do you know how to play one on one?" I asked as we walked to the court.

"Of course!" He said getting into position. For the next hour or two we played one on one and he's actually pretty good.

I smile at him and sit down on the ground saying "I'm beat..."

He looks at the playground and says "no ones here..." I watch as he runs to the swings and I can't help but laugh and follow him.

We sit on the swings just talking back and forth about everything that we could think of. I look over at him and see he's going really high and once he got to a certain point he jumped up and I cringed looking away.

When he hit the ground he landed on both feet and I sighed of relief saying "don't do that!"

"And why not?" He asked smirking while getting back on the swing.

"Because you could get hurt and I don't wanna take yo ass to the hospital." I said stopping the swing with my shoes.

"Awww you care!" He said smiling at me. I love the way his eyes sparkle, and I also love his pitch perfect smile.

"Pfft... Ok fine I do..." I said smiling back. I'm not gonna lie he is beautiful, but he's not gay so he's off limits.

He stands up and says "I care too." I watch silently as he walks to a tree and starts climbing it.

I get up and go the tree saying "if you y'all that's your fault!"

"I'm a monkey! I'll be fine!" He said sitting on a branch that's a little taller than me. I smile and silently watch him climb up.

"Lamar?" I look over and see Mariah looking at me with a baby in her arms. "What're you doing?"

"Uhh... Chillin with a friend." I said staring at the baby. "Is that..."

"Yes it's your son... Imma need you to watch him cause I got something to do." She said.

Jackson's POV:

I look down and I see some chick and a baby, wait is that his baby mama? I start slowly climbing back down and when I hit the ground the girl was gone and Lamar was standing there in shock.

"Ayo was that yo baby mama?" I asked looking at the little man in his arms, he's so cute!

"Yep the one and only." He said looking at his son. "I'm shocked... She done told me that I'm not allowed to meet Javonte and now she walked up to me and gave him to me... Makes no sense."

"Well instead of trying to make it make sense enjoy it." I said smiling at him.

He grins and says "hey your right..."

"I'm always right." I said joking around with him.

"Hmm you sure bout that?" He asked walking up to me smirking.

"I'm sure that I'm sure." I said walking up to him until I'm like half a foot away from him. The closeness was intoxicating for some reason.

He looks down and raises a eyebrow at me and before he can say anything my phone goes off. I look down and see that my mom texted me.

Me:

I had to go to school.

Mom:

Come home now.

Me:

Ok...

I sigh and say "I have to go home..."

Lamars face dropped and he says "oh... Umm I'll drive ya just tell me the address."

We slowly walk to his car and when he gets in after buckling Javonte up I say softly "thank you for today... I greatly appreciate it."

"It was no problem at all." Lamar said smiling at me. "So I'll see ya tomorrow at school?"

"Probably... Depends how my mom reacts to me supporting gays..." I said sheepishly.

He looks down and says "well... Heres my number if you ever need anything."

I take it and smile at him saying "ight I'll text ya if I ever need anything." After I said that I got out the car and said "bye hopefully I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Bye." He said waving some. After he said that I walk to the door and watch as he leaves before going inside.

When I got inside I saw my mother standing by the window. "Umm hey mom." I said awkwardly.

"First you support gay shit now your hanging out with a nigger!" She said sneering at me.

I stop what I was doing and stared at her, did my mother, a person who says she loves everyone, just say what I think she just said?

"Wow your true colors are really shining through mom." I said glaring at her. "You have got to be kidding me! What happened to loving everyone?"

"Love the normal and pure! Which means straight and white, straight is normal and white it pure! Gay is abnormal and black is evil."

My mouth dropped and I said "you have got to be kidding me! You're a racist homophobic ass bitch you know that!"

She sneers at me and says "that is no way to talk to your mother young man."

"I don't fucking care mom! You realize Jesus isn't white and you love him. Also you want to know my opinion I think black people are beautiful, from their culture to their personalities! Oh yeah I should probably tell you that your precious innocent little boy isn't as innocent as you thought, my first kiss was with a boy because I was curious and my first girlfriend was black and guess what we had sex also we could possibly still be together if she didn't move away."

It feels good to get all of that off my chest, but she gave me the nastiest look ever and said "you're not my son."

"Pfft I look like you, I may not agree with your Karenness, but face it you gave birth to me and you can't deny it."

"You're absolutely disgusting, from this day forth you are no longer my son. You shall not lie with man and black people as simple as that." She said crossing her arms.

"Ok then I'm going to dads because I don't want a basic white ass bitch Karen as my mother." I said running upstairs to get my shit. When I was done packing I ran out the house and never looked back.

.

.

.

I don't know how long I've been walking, but it's been a while and once the sun started going down I called my dad to come pick me up.

When dads car pulled up he rolls the window down and says "get in." I get in and he asks "what happened?"

For the next half an hour I told him everything and he listened to every word I said. By the time I was done I sigh and say "why's she so homophobic and racist anyways?"

"The world may never know... This boy who you're hanging out with... What's he like?"

I smile some and say "he's funny and sweet, he's a senior and has the cutest little boy ever! Oh and he's gay as well and his baby mama is a bitch by the sounds of it."

"Do you like him?"

"What? No! Dad I'm not gay!" I said with wide eyes.

"Mhm..." We pull up at his apartment and he says "before we go in I want to warn you that I'm seeing someone and I really like him so I hope you do too."

My eyes widen in shock, but I say "I want to meet him."

We go inside and I see a tall Asian man come into the room and say "hello!"