I fucking rule (rewritten)

​​I sat atop a pile of coins made from gold, a badass grin on my face. It was a fair expression to have. After all, I ruled the fucking world!

Not only do I rule it. I've improved it.

Genetic malformations? Fuck no! I genetically engineered that shit out of existence. How about not looking the way you want? Fuck that too! Just let my doctors stick the magic science wrench up your ass, and you'll have biceps on your six-pack like you always wanted!

Best thing about it. You don't have to worry about me making any mistakes. I've been ruling in general since I was nine! Ruling the world since I was nineteen! And at the moment I'm forty-nine years old!

Now of course some pussies might think 'What happens when you die? Wouldn't the world be in disarray?' And to that, I say….

I've stuck the science wrench up myself and everyone else in the world. We don't age. And as long as we keep the asteroid mining industry growing. We'll be able to keep replacing the wrenches in our asses whenever we need a new one.

I reclined farther in my chair, my grin widening. I am the fucking goat. Theres no doubt about it. And you know what my name is?

My name is Greg.

...…

I shuffled through a concrete compound. There didn't seem to be any metal rods shoved into the walls for stability. So clearly, it was quickly and crappily made.

I was eight years old.

And I was in a terrorist base.

Luckily due to my young age, no one questioned my presence in this place. Most soldiers just gave me a confused stare and continued on with their day. I'm guessing they didn't want to get punished if I turned out to be some officer's nephew or something.

"We will make a erica great again. By killing all but the asian master race !"

Ahead of me there was a interesting scene.

He was yelling to a group of armed soldiers. His corpulent form jiggled, and his beard swaying with his every command. He stood atop a podium raised on a wooden platform with a wooden stairway leading to it.

I grinned at the sight.

It was a perfect opportunity.

With my tiny eight-year-old form, I snuck up the podium, right behind him. I was so small and light that no one could hear or see me.

*Bang*

His head exploded in a hail of blood and brain. Luckily he was thick enough for me to prop myself up on his retired body.

"Everyone. Rather than listening to some overweight fanatic rant about what you should with your country. Vote me in as president! I know you have to be thirty five." I gave them my radiant smile, A grin so bright that even the sun could not stand up to it.

"But can you say no to this smile?"

And they couldn't. So then came cheers, applause and Greg as president at nine years old. Typical for someone like me. For the goat.

How would some random terrorist group get me voted in as president, you ask?

Simple. It got in the news. Then like the true GOAT that I am, I went and dissed the other candidates. I made sure to hit them where it hurts the most. For one, I exposed their husband for cheating on her, and for the other, I disrespected his recently dead son.

So they dissed me back. And I got in the news again. That gave me a chance to talk about my genius policies. And boom! Law is upturned and I'm little mister president. With that I just had to leverage A Erica's declining position and convince the people of the other superpowers to follow me.

Boom CaBam. Ten years of nonstop grinding so hard that fate itself became dust before me. And hurra. I'm the king of the mother fucking world!

.....

I stood up from my pile of gold. My narcissistic reminiscence having ended. I had left a sack of apples out last night. And I had to eat them before they spoiled. It was 3am I went to work at 4am. We didn't need to sleep. Due to the magic science wrenches. Oh, where was I? Yeah, the apples.

So I went into the kitchen and opened my sack of apples. Nobody had made high-tech sacks. So they already looked spoiled.

"Eh. Their fine." With a shrug, I dug in. The caloric requirements for such a giga chad as I are 15,000. (I swear I've never been overweight In my life!)

So this was only a snack for me.

*NOM NOM *

NOM NOM

NOM NOM

NOM NOM

NOM NOM

NOM NOM

NOM NOM

NOM NOM"

I looked up at the timer above me. It was 4:30am. I got distracted. But I had finished the apple bag. With that, I turned and speed-walked to my teleporter. A frown on my face.

I saw a flash of darkness. My visions was hazing.

I felt fine; I was the GOA.

*Thump*

I collapsed on the ground. My face Ghostly pale.

My vision grew dark. I squirmed there on the floor, Trying my hardest to get up. As the GOAT never falls. I saw a great glowing tunnel. It grew brighter and brighter. Then like a cord had been cut the light died. Leaving only darkness.

I couldn't feel my arms. Couldn't feel my legs. Couldn't feel the sensation of breathing or my heart beating. To put it simply. I was dead.