Chapter 2: From Coroner to Barber

I woke to the blaring sound of my alarm, rubbing the dark circles out of my eyes I pushed off the covers and swung my legs over the side of the bed. To my surprise, my foot touched something warm and soft.

"Hm?" I looked down at my feet, "Oh, it's just Kaneko-San... WAIT, THAT WAS REAL?!"

"Ngh, shaddup will ya? I'm tryna sleep." I stared in disbelief at the undead person at my feet.

"What are you doing in my room? I thought I set up the futon in the living room..."

"You did, it's just that the living room is so quiet I began to believe I was dead again so I moved into your room. Thankfully your snores were enough to make me fall asleep."

"Just my luck, the dead guy that's now my roommate happens to be a creep as well."

"Oi, I'm not-"

I stepped over him and made my way to the kitchen, I need coffee... BADLY.

The footsteps in the background were enough indication that he was up, but what was that snipping noise coming from the bathroom? I turned on the coffee maker and went to investigate.

"What are you...." Kaneko turned towards me, scissors in-hand and locks of his black hair littering the sink, "You don't actually plan on going outside looking like that, right?"

"Yeah...?"

I was mentally face palming myself.

"Give me those, I'm fixing your hair." I took the scissors and stepped behind him, then proceeded to even out the choppy-ness of his hair.

When I finished, it looked horrible.

"Okay, I'm taking you to the hair stylist.... it still looks terrible."

"Thanks for stating the obvious."

"At least it looks better than that choppy haircut you had when I walked in."

_____________________________________________

"Hello, my friend here tried a DIY haircut tutorial and I need you to fix it please." I felt Kaneko's glare burning into the side of my head.

The lady looked at me, then at Kaneko with a puzzled stare.

"O-okay, right this way."

When she'd finished, he looked great. His hair was still wavy but she styled it so it was kinda messy, with small strands of hair sticking out. Kaneko requested her to dye the tips silver to complement his almost liquid-silver eyes. I'd say it was truly a masterpiece.

"Y-your total is 64.99, have a nice day!" The cashier's face was tinged red when we exited the shop.

"What's with all the stuttering, do we really look that intimidating?"

"No, she's attracted to you dumba**." I got in the car and started the engine, "Are you really that oblivious?"

"I guess I'm not all that used to it."

"How are you not used to it? Surely there were girls that were interested in you before you died, right?"

"Not really, it was mainly just gay guys hitting on me. I went to an all-boys school as a kid, so I didn't get to see a lot of women."

"How'd you even manage to afford a school like that?"

"My grandparents, they had a lot of money so when they took me in they made sure to raise me right. I wasn't allowed to interact with girls until I was 18, kinda sucks right?"

"Where are they now?"

"Dead as a door nail and 6 feet under."

"Oh... I guess that was out of line, I apologize."

"No need, It's fine."

Sh*t, I really shouldn't have asked that, now he's probably back in a bad mood because of my recklessness.

"I'm not going to judge you for being curious, I'm sure you still have a lot of questions that need answering and I might be able to help with that. Just say the words and I'll tell you."

"Look Kaneko, I really appreciate it but I'm not going to force you to say anything. It's true that I want answers, but as long as I don't need them I'll survive."

"Kanoe."

"Eh?"

"My real name is Kanoe Futsume, I changed my name after my 57th death so people wouldn't recognize me and find out I'm not really dead." He shifted his gaze back to me, "Oi, oi, oi, what's with that look?"

"You've died 57 times?"

"Actually I've died 73 times, but most of them nobody knew about because I recovered before my body was found and I was presumed dead. This time, I have to change my identity again because it went public."

I stared at him in disbelief, there was no way that's true.

"You're joking, right?"

"Nope. I've drowned, been attacked by a bear because I got too close to her cubs, gotten shot, hit by a car, murdered, overdosed, cancer, diseases, split my head open on a concrete block, got impaled by an iron bar, landslide, avalanche, plane crash, car crash, shark attack, chainsawed into pieces, beheaded with an axe, you name it I've died of it."

".... You're a literal bad luck charm." I pulled up into my parking space in the underground parking garage and turned off the engine, "Hold up, how old are you?"

"Wow, that was rude."

"Sorry, but that couldn't have all happened in 29 years."

"You caught me, I'm actually 598 years old."

"..... EEEHHHHH?!?!?!"

He started laughing his a** off when I made that noise.

"You should've seen your face! I lied, I'm only 98 years old but I'm still mentally 29!"

"That doesn't change the fact that you're supposed to be as old as dirt."

"Oi, I stopped ageing at 25. Try to have a little respect for your superiors."

"Respect my a**, that makes you younger than I am since I'm 30." An awkward silence filled the car, "... sh*t."

"You're 30?"

"Yes...?"

"For real?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No sir."

"Speak of this again and I'll spill the tea to the cops."

"Hai!"

_____________________________________________

"Boss... the target's still alive."

"What? How do you know you didn't mistake someone else for him?"

"I watched him enter a barber shop with one of the medical examiners on his case, Miyazaki Hikaru." My assistant pushed an orange envelope across the table in my direction, "I dug up some dirt on him, thought you should take a look."

I gently opened the package, taking out a full report on the target's accomplice.

"I guess we have another case on our hands, stake out their place and get me more information. I want to look into these two a little further before I end them."