Re awaken

"What is love?"

..............

The muted click and tic from my keyboard ceased, filling the room with blaring silence.

My heart got stuck in the base of my throat, threatening to jump out of its frozen state, and my lovely confidante, "soul sister" as she would lovingly put it, got lost in her adorable eccentric curiosity.

Her burnt-out hazy eyes, shifted from her bedazzled laptop, towards the latest celebrity exposé of some high-profile celebrity couple, were released on every known virtual platform, as an actual media play.

As her adorable banter continued to fill every nook and cranny in my ivory bedroom, relieving it from its unsettling tension, back and forth with her psychoanalysis on some collective "he said, she said" baseless fabricated statements about the *relationship*.

..............

Dear sweet Constanze always finds a way to alleviate the heavy atmosphere. The inevitability of this chirpy meet-up is that it'll be the last time we get to hang out before I moved away.

She knows, that my parents' constant divorce threats are taking a toll on me. That's why Gran-gran went all raging Dragon mode on my parents, to have me live with her till I graduate college.

Everyone knows not to mess with the Dragon Matriarch. My mom only married my father, to spite Gran-gran.

Gran-gran did a background check on dad and found some shady intel. Honestly, mom should've listened.

..............

Feeling bad for zoning Constanze out, I opened a new Note on my laptop to summarize her "investigation".

The so-called tea in that public drama was, that some big-shot celebrity was obsessed with a prominent male top star, and was threatening to jeopardize his fellow member's budding acting career, if he didn't agree to date said obsessed female.

The good-looking victim in question, couldn't bear to let his friend's grand entrance into the world of the film industry be snipped, right before it bloomed.

Begrudgingly agreed against his free will, because the obsessed female went so far as naming her pet after him, and paid countless strangers to further solidify their pseudo status.

Poor guy was too much of a gentleman to come clean. Knowing the truth would free him of the lies, and damn that delusional woman to her demise.

Videos of his collected honest fury in their CEO's office got leaked. The guy was upset upon hearing details about his forced fake dating scandal.

He was doing his best to bite back his tears, angry at his management for such betrayal, all because she came bearing bribes, as she solidified being the other company's princess.

The unfortunate soul was beyond worried, about how to clear his name, once he met his future wife. His reputation was tarnished, way before getting a chance to know her existence.

The thought of romantic gentlemen like that, a man that everyone desires, actually dreams of saving themselves for their true love, exists exclusively in the world of fiction.

..............

White French tips hovering over my keyboard, I await for Connie's to settle down on my windowsill.

Something's on her mind, something she's not telling.

"Okay Connie, did I forget any details?"

A perfectly shapely eyebrow raised towards my best friend.

Giggling, my lovely lighthearted chatterbox shook her head out of her daze. She then proudly stated that her instinct saw right through everything. She went on about fake injuries and orchestrated doppelganger stand-in for paparazzi.

How she finds celebrity drama so amusing, is what always fascinated me about Constanze. That woman could rival FBI and private investigators.

"And that's why I knew they were a media play!"

With her disheveled hair, and constant huffing and puffing, you'd think she's passionately delivering her speech for a campaign; not about her rather impressive detailed evidence about some celebrity drama.

She's really cute when she gets like that energetic. Maybe I should tell her?

..............

"But this doesn't mean I'll let you off the hook, Nikita? For you, what do you think love is?"

As I struggled to swallow an all too bittersweet whispered promise of ever-unfolding happiness, a life free of societal shackles, escaping from the mischievous grin of my misunderstood sanctuary.

"Because we can only try to make sense of something if we base it on our perspectives."

Pouting at the realization of her answer, Constanze apologized and crawled back to my bed, trying hard to lighten the mood.

Eyes drifting to my precious Constanze, humming light-heartedly, hands deep in a pile of unfolded laundry.

..............

I love how she was dedicated to making me feel better, in her very sassy Connie fashion.

You won't expect such a lively personality, coming from a girl who was recently cleared of breast cancer. Thank God for early detection. Her surgery was a success.

She said it was just nodes, but my frazzled ass was bawling at her bedside in the hospital when her doctor said it hasn't reached the point of being classified as cancer.

The nurses on duty said I was more distraught than Connie's mother. We both never bothered with our parents. They all have issues we have no intention of dipping our toes into.

..............

Hands clenched on my chest, steadying the throat-jumping beating in my chest.

Split seconds away from the resurfacing of cracks in my "unfazed" mask.

Such a simple question slipped through her cherry-glossed lips and had me remembering that dream-filled spring day.

Flashbacks from that time felt like glimpses from an alternate universe.

Though, in such a timeline, I may have had a taste of the possibility of a dream come true. In a sanctuary among our lilies of the valley.

..............

Lost in my memories of addictive what-ifs, Constanze sensed that I was triggered by her question; she immediately apologized, thinking it was about my parents.

"Hello ~ Earth to Ni-ki-ta! Please send an immediate response before I initiate a *Chill and Take Out* rescue mission on your fleeting eyes." Felt a quick elbow jab on my right rib, mentally blaming my slow reaction time.

"You know you're cute when you're passionately talking about anything. You know that, right?"

Her hair flip and smizing combo, is all the signal I needed, to confirm that I have dodged her landside of probing.

Being each other's only confidante, I did my best explaining in the only way I now know how.

A new tab opened, that all too familiar mellow tic and clicking which ceased the once deafening void in my bedroom.

"What are you doing? Are you honestly researching what love is right now!? My beloved pseudo marionette, this is something not even the internet can help us with." Constanze shook her head in disbelief at my rather robotic actions.

"Don't underestimate the deep dark web. There are things online even I don't want to know. The horrors I want to un-see!!" A quick duck towards my pillowed ivory window sills has saved me from Connie's *death by pillow* attack.

Clinging to the remnants of self-control, the perfect go-to response to such loving banter is my smudge-proof mascara-ed eye roll.

"Ms. Nikita Obsidian! Don't get sassy with me. That's my thing!"

She truly is adorable, when she pretends to be dramatically offended about her "Sass Queen" title being stolen. Whoever ends up with her, is truly the luckiest man alive.

..............

"Come on babe, let me finish my homework. Then I'm all yours." Flirting like some world-renowned Casanova tends to always shut her up.

"Niki, stop leading me on like that! My fragile inexperienced heart can't help but fall for you! How are you going to take responsibility for that?" Dramatically clinging to my shoulders, I noticed that she was slowly regaining her weight back. Letting out a sigh of relief that my best friend is truly getting better now.

"You know what Nikita, what we need to do is to go out!" Focus consistently being broken by her infectious fancy. Constanze's bubbly excitement starts to affect my productivity.

"Connie sweetie, let me just finish Ms. Milagros' essay. It'd be wise if you finish yours too." To write a short essay, 500 words minimum, of the student's chosen quote involving the topic of "Contrast".

"Shoot!! Why do you have to remind me that I have responsibilities too?!" Constanze frantically ran back up to my bed to finish her essay.

"Fingers crossed, I'm already 555 words in on this thing." This particular essay got my soul ablaze like no one's business. When this summer's theme was announced, Niccolò Machiavelli's famous quote from The Prince hit me like a 10-wheeler truck.

My last essay, before my transfer, would serve as my heartfelt ode to my dear Hispanic gentle fireworks, known as sweet-hearted Ms. Milagros.

"Eyes on you, ears clinging to every word you say. Just please, let me finish first, then you can have me in any way you want." My attempt to flirt my way out of her probing was proving to be successful.

Felt that strong pillow throw, at least she's getting stronger now. I'm really happy she's getting better.

..............

Deciding to finish all announced homework, before the official start of summer break, was a self-imposed task, for me to thoroughly savor my freedom, from this self-proclaimed "straight-laced" community known as high school.

I have to finish everything so that my transfer will be as smooth as possible.

"Mid-year transfers are hellish. But at least, I finally get to live with Gran-gran!" This divorce is unexpectedly going in my favor than I originally thought.

"Maybe you'd meet a cute boy? And maybe you'd like to, get to know each other a bit better?" Feeling Constanze's soft pokes on my sides, I scoffed at her innuendos and resumed my homework.

..............

"No one compares to Mithras" my muttered secret almost fell on Constanze's radar.

..............

"What I need to meet is deadlines. I'd be lucky if my classes are even credited in my new school."

Seriously, my junior year is filled with way too much emotional wreck to last me a lifetime. I don't think I can handle more emotions than this within the year.

"We need to explore what life and the world has to offer! We should just go out dating! We are young, not so wild, and well… our parents are on the rather strict side." Constanze's mood started full of determination, then slump back down, as reality gave her a real hard slap across the face, which led her to dejectedly retreat under my fluffy comforter, like the crestfallen turtle, that she adorably resembled.

"Your parents are strict. Mine is impossible." As my fingers seamlessly transcribed without interruption.

"Oh come on, between the both of us, you're the one that secretly earns money-" Constanze zips her mouth shut before any of the house helpers hear.

"Be careful Connie; the walls have eyes and ears." Giving her squishy cheek a little pinch.

"But seriously boo, your parents still think that their precious princess isn't capable of doing anything." Pissed, Constanze knows all about the family drama. Whoever said money is the root of all evil, definitely knows what they're talking about. "Thank Gran-gran for my ticket to freedom."

..............

My keyboard kept on subtly *tic* *tic* ticking as I finally finished my homework.

Reviewed, revised, and edited my homework before I finally presses *Send*.

This is it. I'm finally done with this school.

I'm finally leaving.

..............

My eyes slowly roamed around my room. So full of memories, of Constanze and me. It's bittersweet to have to part from this place.

It wasn't always that bad. Nor was it truly good.

Leaving this house wasn't the hardest part.

This was simply a house.

..............

Mithras was my home.

"was... " that mutter was heavier in my heart than leaving Constanze behind.

I've always wondered how he was.

What does he look like now?

He's always been a good-looking kid.

I doubt he'll be single.

And just like that, I felt some bile trying to creep out of my throat.

I doubt he remembers me.

I'm not worth waiting for.

Nobody stays in my life anyways. Not even Constanze.

..............

Trying to pick up the mood, I did my best Constanze impression with "We both know you're going to miss my snarky smart mouth." Just like that, Connie released a tsunami of tears.

Her deafening sobs were drowned in my chest, as my embrace tightened. Constanze was gripping the back of my sweater as if it was her lifeline.

My transfer broke her more than her health scare. A twinge of pain in my heart felt bad, that I feel a bit happy, that someone will miss me.

Makes me feel like I'm worth a space in her heart. "I'm *hic* going to *hic* miss you!" on repeat filled my bedroom for the last time.

"I'm living with Gran-gran! Don't forget that! This is the freedom I've been wanting forever!" Planting a quick kiss on the top of her head slowly calmed her down.

"Between the both of us, I'm more liberated there than I was here. Be happy for my freedom?" Cupping her cheeks, she faintly resembles those cute rubber duck memes I see online.

"I will! Live your life for me! Go on dates for me! Please be happy on my behalf!" With that, she splayed herself, on the mountain of pillows, near my empty bookshelf.

"Not just me! You too!! Your grandmother got mad at your parents, for not paying attention to you, particularly about your health. Heard they had an earful of trauma from the Tiger Matriarch?"

Finally, I got a chance to throw my revenge pillow attack on her. But alas, she's too fast.

"You're staying with Gammie! She'll give you way more freedom at her house, rather than at your parents." Connie's grandma insisted we call her Gammie because it sounds as cute as gummy bears.

"Well, if you count bi-monthly hospital checkups, as freedom, then yes. I am free." And the last thing I saw was my Red Panda plushie hurled at my face.

..............

What started as a "Whose grandmother is the better badass?" hype battle, turned into a pillow war.

Feathers were finally starting to settle down, as we lay on the floor. Can't decide, if we're gasping for air, or laughing our asses off, she finally asked the question she's been dreading to ask.

"When are coming back?" With pleading eyes, Connie wordlessly begs me to give her the answer she'd like.

*riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing* filled the once silent feathered bedroom.

Buzzing on my phone finally stopped.

The chauffeur sent a text. He said we need to leave now so that I don't have to feel rushed to arrive at the airport.

"Honestly, I don't know." Pulling her in my arms, holding back her tears. I gave her one last kiss on the forehead before I stood up.

Placed my laptop in my backpack, I gave her one final squeeze. "Take care, Connie. I'm seriously going to miss you."

Stifling her sobs on my shoulder, she whispered. "I'm going to be okay. We're going to be okay."

Practically dragging my feet out the door, looking at Constanze one last time with tear-filled eyes.

I ran into her arms as I said, "We'll learn to let people in our lives, won't we?"

She then gave me her biggest reassuring smile and nodded with passion.

Wiping our tears, Constanze walked me out of the house and ushered me into the car.

Before she closed the door, she left me with one final question.

"You'll learn to let someone love you. Won't you Niki?"