1 CHAPTER - 0 preview PROLOGUE - AN ASPIRATIONAL DREAM

"I WANT TO DIE"

If someone were to ask me what I want to do in life, my answer would always be the same,

I WANT TO DIE

But this is a story from a long time ago, not too long ago, just a few months back.

"Yeah, at that time, how foolish I was."

Well, even now, I'm just as foolish, maybe a little less foolish than before. I had given up on a small matter, thinking that I was ending my life. It feels like it could be today when I used to sit in my room, waiting to die, the pain that I felt repeatedly, the realization of reality hitting me, the pain in my heart, that ash-like pain that I never wanted to feel.

But they say difficult times make a person stronger. I, too, stood firm during difficult times. And now that the turmoil in my heart has ended, I've begun to return to my normal life. Yes, that's how my new story started.

Given my fresh start, I decided to change the way I've been in my past. So, I started thinking 🤔: What are the things I haven't done or said yes to yet? It may take time, but I realized my gaps, and to change myself, I decided to start with my habits.

For the first time in about a year, I asked my mom for some work, but that didn't go too well.

"Ma, is there any work I can do for you?" I asked my mom, my eyes filled with confidence.

"Y-you?" my mom stammered, starting to tremble a little.

"Yes, whoever is here, if not you and me," I replied, looking around the kitchen.

"Se-se-seriously?" Ma asked, her voice was louder than usual

"Yes," I responded in a similar tone.

"Hus-husband, our s-son is sick, he started to behave strangely," my mother explained as she backed away from me a little.

"Huh, Ma, is it that strange that I asked if I can do something for you?" I asked, my cheeks turning red.

I couldn't help but wonder, is it so unusual that I want to help my mom? Her reaction was as if she had seen something strange or unusual that had never happened in her life. But before I went to the market every Sunday.

"Sunday? Ha."

As I walked along the road, I realized something important. Yes, I used to go to the market years ago. I truly have changed for the worse. I can't believe I've let my life deteriorate like this.

"Ha."

"Slap!" A loud sound echoed as I slapped my cheek. This is not the end; my life has just begun. I have many years ahead of me, so let's not dwell on the past, I thought to myself and started to remember my vegetable list.

®®®®®®®®"

"That was very tiring, considering how little I usually socialize. It's expected that socializing can be exhausting, but I didn't expect to handle it so well. It's draining, but after I've done it, I feel satisfied, like I've taken a step toward a new life.

As I crossed the road, my thoughts drifted to a previous conversation and how messed up I was during that time.

Suddenly, I heard honking - 'Honk, honk' - and before I could react, a truck was right in front of me. I didn't have time to escape; I found myself being blown away by the truck.

Strangely, as the truck hit me, it felt like time slowed down, and everything moved in slow motion. I tried to move, but my body wouldn't respond. My mind was the only thing I had control over, and one by one, I started to have visions of my childhood as if watching a video.childhood to Teenage to my previous years everything one by one

I didn't panic. My mind remained clear, as if it had accepted its fate. Yes, it looked like I was going to die. I was going to die, but why? Why were the only memories that came to mind those of my lonely self, watching videos alone? In a corner of my room .

As I watched my past self, I realized how lonely I had been in life. Had I ever done something I could be proud of or leave behind as a legacy? Nothing came to mind.

As I plummeted toward the ground, one thought consumed me: Why now, when I was finally ready to change? I truly wanted to change. So, God, are you telling me to die as a worthless being who hasn't contributed anything to society? No, not even to my family?

"Dukh dum bekh "with that sound I hit by ground.I lay on the ground, blood started to roam around me, likely with crushed bones, but I felt no pain. I could only gaze at the vast blue sky.

As I watched the vast sky I thought

"Are you really enjoying this, God? Watching me suffer like this in your heaven, seated on your throne?"

But nevertheless if begging is al you want so yes I will beg Please, I want to live.

" I WANT TO LIVE."