Twice an approach

"Things that I detest the most...are everything around me!"

When still in her pre-teens, Jay could be concluded as still normal, though little different than the rest. But as soon as she stepped in the quicksand, somehow or the other her puberty struck in a really strange way than the others. Before she was completely stony and cold faced, not a hint of emotion could be seen in her face. But slowly, the normal instincts of a human started imposing on her. She started gaining the mind of a human in a really twisted manner.

She had never cared for any comment, criticism or compliment. She was called thick-skinned. But she only didn't care to put much effort in developing her sense of emotion mentally.

Due to the sudden change, it wasn't accepted all too well by her state. She could only attract the negative aura.

Taking blows from every side which had never reached before, there was no place for love, kindness, generosity or consideration in her. Therefore, it can be said that puberty struck her harder than anyone. She underwent indescribable transformation as well as suffering!

Is this what you were talking about???

Something that was yet to come all over me???

This is just practical hellish torture and nothing else!!!

Jay walked through the corridors swiftly, wanting to reach home as soon as possible.

No, please, I don't want to be rebellious any more, so just let me overcome this!

No answer....

I can't take this…...those spear-like stares! It's killing me…...killing me...

Why on earth is this happening now? It was all going so well this while! And where the fuck are you now??? God damn, answer me!!! You can't just leave me hanging on to nothing like this! I can't anymore...

"....…...When I walk in the crowd, I can never feel my existence. Those looks in your eyes, I know it all. I hate it like crazy! I can't even now look up straight while walking anymore, I'm afraid that I will just meet one of those narrow foxy pair. When will you exactly stop? No…...when can I stop??? Until I've driven myself crazy? Isn't it too late now? I need to stop pretending sane enough so that I can return to my former self and bother getting things on my nerves. After all, I'll have to manage while I'm still alive........."

A sudden bump across Jay's shoulder made her stumble weakly. She couldn't avoid it.

Disbalanced, she crashed against the wall beside. She didn't even look up at the person with whom she collided. Only the immense vibration in her heart and ears accelerated. She felt her veins and bones dismantling themselves. Her state was piteous if only it could be seen or diagnosed. Jay knew that even with her gaze down, she was careful enough to avoid contact with anyone. She was changing lanes as soon as any pair of footwear came in a meter of distance!

She was purposely pushed!!!

A rough mocking voice, full of itself spoke, "Your eyes are not on your head you know", and piles of laughter echoed from all around.

Jay didn't say a word. She was not in the position to. She clutched her heart and looked up just once. The power in her one gaze, with the reddened sides of her eyes had force more than words. It immediately put an awkward hesitation to all the voices. In an instant, she stood up properly again and disappeared through the stairs

Jay's breath was messed up fast but still not enough. Her eyes were shooting off. She had one hand clasping on her shirt and another covering her side face along with her eye. Her skin burned and she felt as if her brains would spill out expanding beyond limit. The eardrums throbbed and ached. Even the blue nerves on her throat side were strongly exposed and the prominence reached up to her cheeks. The heavy burden was unbearable!!!

What the fuck is happening to me?

What is it called...stress?........pain?......torment?

My head feels like bursting out!

No, it's my mind!........body...…...consciousness...….

I can't hear, my voice is gone...my vision is fading too...…am I dying?

Jay was forcing on her each step. She has to make it back somehow. She can't collapse here, not at least in a social arena. But she is not even feeling dizzy, it would have been better if she would have passed out. But the situation, is not letting her live or pass out. It's clawing inside her like acid eating away her flesh and bones.

She was choking on air and her own voice. The world in front of her was becoming an abstract portrait with her pupils rotating behind and front. There was no panic in herself, but she felt getting lost into oblivion! She studied as if the things around her were not real but a fantasy realm. The internals were on flame. Her five senses started betraying her...….

But why now? Things were going smooth up until......

- Onsets are torturous...…...don't say that I didn't warn you.

- But...why me?

- There's no answer to that Jay, you are just luckily unlucky.

- Things were not like this before...

- They never were for you to begin with!

- My brain is tearing up.... I can't

- Specials like you are born without reason Jay. To show that such children do exist. As you are, you must perish this trial!

- help….me….

- Do you want me to help you?

- ...save me

- Should I?

- Please!

- Then surrender to me…...never defy me, coz you are kind to learn the hard way!

- I won't

- This is your fate, so let me take you!

- Take it! ...… take it all...everything…...

Take everything that belongs to me…...just save me...…

because...…

I'm not dead...... yet...