strength and death

I felt a piercing sensation on my arm without any sense of it. I could sense warmth of bodies around me, surely people were around. But where the fuck am I?

All I can see is darkness around me. Nothing else. Even the sky has cloud or stars, but here? Nothing the hell!!! My body doesn't feel anymore. I can't think with my senses. It feels as if both my physical self and self-mind has been burnt to ashes. Only my mind had escaped somehow and is lost in this perilous oblivion. That's how I can still keep track if I am alive yet. I feel lighter, and yet nothing still. My vision is refusing me, so are my movements. Where the hell I am fucking around, messed up as it can't get worse!!!

I sensed the warm touch dropping off my arm.

Is somebody touching me?

Did someone just do something?

The piercing sensation is giving me completely different vibes. My veins and blood flow are resuming again. I can feel warmth fusing back in my skin and blood. The irregular heart beat is returning to normal. My eyes are burning, and getting back its usual sight. The pain is fading away. I can feel myself again. I am returning back to my body again. Whatever that has been injected into me right now, is working like miracle. What are these people who did this, mages? Have I suffered enough so I have been sent angels to my rescue? My vision is getting brighter and my five senses too. The heat in my brains occupying my mind.

This sensation, this is good!

Different somehow!

I have never felt it ever before.

It's shooting up right through every inch of my body with an excellent calming effect. Its hot now. Hotter than before! My breath was exhaling vapors. This a completely different kind of oblivion. It's addictive! I feel lighter, as if floating.

I notice them around me, looking at me in awe.

What's that look on their face? It's not fear, not worry, not even a smile. What kind of a mixed-up expression is it? They just helped me from dying. So, shouldn't they be satisfied? Why such a bewildered look?

- This step......is a big mistake!

- You...…...get out!

- You shouldn't have let it happen Jay.

- Don't you fucking speak. You don't help me live!!!

- I keep you from dying!

- That's right, keep me from totally losing myself!

- You're unstable already as it is...…...but this...…...

- What do you mean by that?

- This will just destroy you more!

- What the fuck that supposed to mean?????

- You have no idea, do you?

- What?

- Whatever is just travelling in your blood now, is what will kill you!

- What is in my blood?

- This pleasant feeling, do you think it doesn't come with a cost?

- What the hell is in me???

- What makes you stronger, also kills you faster!

- What did I intake?

- You just...…...worsened things!

- Answer me!!!

- You are your doom itself!

- Answer me dammit!

And then it started.

My body feels on fire. It is burning from inside. Everything. I can feel the tiniest sound of sizzle on my raw flesh. My bones exploding due to the unknown fluid. My blood boiling inside the skin. Even though the cold breeze contrast outside my skin it is a perfect stimulation to bring out more of this unknown pain, it was just helping in the opposite.

I could feel the sudden outburst of energy which was making me lose my mind. It had never been in stable state before, before this time it's totally different.

This contrast of a feeling, I can't handle it well. My brain is cold and dormant. It is not being able to control the rest of me. Even my fuck of a mind appears and disappears on its will. It doesn't help much instead of acceleration of the pangs of pain.

I can't think straight; everything is going tipsy. Yet my senses are perfect. My vision is perfect. My motions are perfect. I feel so good, so damn good!!! As if my inners are receiving some kind of electrocution.

This outbreak indeed is doing anything but good to me, yet I feel on top of the world!

Damn, I needed this. I seriously needed whatever this is.

I have never felt so powerful and full of myself. I dunno how long will it last, but I want to enjoy it till the end moment. It seems my oblivion, and the artificial creation injected in my veins have colluded and reacted violently enough! I don't know how I'm acting right now, but this heavenly sensation, I'm not gonna give up so easily.

I'll keep bringing it back no matter what.

No matter what you say!

If something which makes me stronger also kills me faster, I give a fuck! Right now, this overflowing desire in my blood is all I need to live.

"Jay, what on earth are you turning into? You could only be a sacrifice. But now, even I don't know what type of monster are you trying to create....

Stop before it's too late. I won't ask you to give in to me for the time being, so don't give up the little bit of sanity you have left in you"

Oh really? Let me ask you ............who the fuck are you now?

All that matters is......…...

I'm not dead yet!!!