A flash of life

Jay almost tripped over her way out of the supermarket. She had no idea what did she buy, how much did she pay or did she collect the changes. Her eyes were seeing red bright circles in front of them, dancing and fidgeting tremendously. Her heartbeat was accelerated so much that even her ears started to throb to the point which turned her deaf.

This the first time when she willingly entered the social arena. Having the sudden taste of something so strong wasn't meant for her to try. Her mind being so unstable and out of control, this should be a stated fact. It was utterly suffocating for her, trying to survive in the reign of those blinded beasts in the disguise of human. She knew it could be a challenge, but it turned out to be a death maze for her.

That common trait in everyone…...selfishness…...hypocrites…...jealousy...

And Jay is the one who thinks herself to be abnormal, inhumane, out of the league beyond the crowd.

Damn it, Chris!!! You bastard!

Chris was cursed brutally. But only if he knew Jay's current condition.

All Jay hoped was for a peaceful weekend, shackled up in her room, trying to keep herself under control until the next wave of attack. Curling in her sheets and cleansing arguments with her mind before the abnormality strikes back again.

But this time....

Her panic oblivion took over her as her trigger rose at once, instead of gradual increase like other times. She was right, Jay is indeed reducing her limit. She's growing more vulnerable and prone to it, her hold is loosening. At her limit so soon, without even any huge situation. Jay had just managed to tame it little while back, yet again! And more hyped up high this time!

Jay wasn't able to think straight at all. All her strategies for each trigger were messing up her already broken mind. Everything was hazy, her brain blurry. Her pupils rotating, trying to grip her location, her iris contracting and tearing up from within. Her breathing unnatural and unbalanced, invisible hands choking her throat. As if something else was taking over her body, unlike her own. It was incredibly strong …...and disastrous!

Okay, okay! It's fine, I can manage it!

Save me, I can't…...

Kill me, I want to live…...

I just have to not die, survive…...a while…...

Then…...want me to take it all away? A voice similar to Jay's spoke, colder and more abused.

- You don't look so good.

- Not now…...out!!!

- How can I? You hold me out and in as well whenever you're like this.

- Then just break free!!!

- Only if you let me…

- …no, I can't, please! Not now!

- Not like you did well earlier, but now…. you actually won't last long.

- I will, I have to, he took my words for it…...

- Even though he did, you're just trash without him.

- I …. can build myself….

- Without him, you're weaker than a prey.

- I will not let that….

- Without him, it's just me over and over again.

- That's not…...

- Without him, you, will just die!!!

- I can't….

- Let me take over, just like that time!

- I'll never, never again do that same mistake…...

Without any sense of direction, Jay suddenly tripped and fell on the concrete. Her fingers lost its grip on the bag she was carrying and everything spilled. She held no time or sense to collect them back. No one was around, not even a support ...

Jay bit her lips and forced herself up, piercing her fingers on her chest through her clothes to stop it from exploding out.

Why is this happening, what is this? Not even any kind of panic attack, then why?

She has to get out from spotlight, as soon as possible. She couldn't care about anything else in her surroundings, the spoiled groceries, not the scrapes and scratches on her skin, not even her chances of survival…

Her inner self was heavy and twisted.

Ease up, control your breathing!

I can't breathe, I'm gonna die…

Come on, get the hell outta me!!!

Breath slower and collected.

I can do it, by myself, I can!!!

Get a grip, please come on!

But every plead, every scream, every assurance remained unanswered. Nothing was helping at all. The more she put effort to control it, denser and more unleashed it grew. The more she went crazy, the more her mind was tearing apart.

Not working, nothing at all!!!

But she can't give, she has to make it!

Anywhere, to live, to not die!!!

She wasn't dead yet!

..............

Jay banged on the front door with her leftover strength, her hands slowly sliding and loosing grip. She was weaker and dizzier. Her finger was almost glued to the bell button. She had to reach her room, and soon. That's the only salvation left.

But no one came to her answer!

2 minutes, 3 minutes….5 minutes…...

Jay's eyes were breaking tears and bloodshot red. She felt her strength fading away from her veins. Chris wasn't home, no hope for Arthur too. The situation couldn't have become more terrible.

She finally fell to her knees and leaned at the front door for support. Her balanced gave up and she fell on her back. Her breathing had increased a lot, yet she had trouble inhaling any air. More perishing than someone alive or dead. Only the determination to not die was making her go through, only that sheer will was holding her on to it.

She can make through, she has to!!!

There's still a sleek of time left, she might pull through.

Those guys, that's it! They should be there; they always hang out there!

Only if she can manage to drag herself to them, it'll be taken care off. The infliction of new blues upon the untreated old ones will be a stimulation and will act better. They must be somewhere around near.

But Jay needs to hurry.

Her pushing the limit, it was far from possible.

...............….

The night seemed darker and longer than usual. No soul was around. Jay was intensely clutching on to her chest and gasping at the corner of the avenue. No one is there for her, no one!!! Not even the useless ones from whom she could've have benefited herself by sacrificing. Those fucking rascals!!!

Time has run out for Jay!

She slit through the corner of the lane and sat where the most shadow gathered around. If she stood any longer, the consequences would have been fatal!

Her eyes were red as blood, as if her iris had torn off and was bleeding inside. So painful to even look at!!!

Her face and lips swollen.

Her heart beat more than an average fast beating.

Is this even pain? What the hell is this fucked up feeling?

Even physical torture is more endurable than this.

But this can't be coined as pain! Only people under the torment of this knows the suffering.

A streak of blood escaped from the corner of Jay's lips.

Her heart beat gradually slowing down to a calm.

It couldn't take it, couldn't take the immense pressure any more.

Is this her end already?

Is her death going to be this way? This easy?

She refuses, but can't stop it. She has no choice over it.

Jay closed her eyes. She couldn't even see with them opened.

It's alright, at least she didn't give in to her alter. It's better to leave than to live. She could only hope that people like her were never born in this world.

The clock started reverse ticking for her.

Everything she underwent since it all started. All of the memories when she didn't die. For the short while, when she actually lived!

She recalled, the first time when she underwent her limit…...he was there!

And he was there each time she was struck!

Each time and always after.

He had been there whenever she needed him, protecting her in a impenetrable shell.

He had promised he would return, and...he lied!

Jay's lips lifted up with a sad smile.

Only his memories are worth remembering!

He has never failed her, but…...he said he'd come….so, where is he?

She needs him.

Keep the promise like I kept until now.

Because I had given you my words.

Come back.

It's not fair if you play wrong.

Won't you?

"Ace…...", a cold icy voice emerged from Jay's throat, "Ace…...I tried…...I'm sorry".