Will Rockatansky and the Five Grumpy Toads, A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was a gracious boy called Will Rockatansky. He was on the way to see his Cuthbert Thornton, when he decided to take a short cut through Snotchester Forest.

It wasn't long before Will got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Bunny, but Bunny was nowhere to be found! Will began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Bunny. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a grumpy toad dressed in a yellow top hat disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Will.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed toad. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Will reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from butternut squashes, a house made from cakes, a house made from crisps, a house made from macarons, a house made from cupcakes and a house made from fruit gums.

Will could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Will looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Will a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Bunny!

"Bunny!" shouted Will. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Bunny back!" cried Will.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Bunny out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, five grumpy toads rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Will recognised the one in the yellow top hat that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Toad," said the witch.

"Good morning." The toad noticed Bunny. "Who is this?"

"That's Bunny," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Bunny would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the toad.

The witch shook her head. "Bunny is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Will interrupted. "Bunny lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Toad ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Toad looked at the house made from fruit gums and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from fruit gums if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next toad. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Bunny."

Will watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Bunny to Big Toad. He didn't think Bunny would like living with a grumpy toad, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other four toads watched while Big Toad put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Toad. "Just you watch!"

Big Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cakes. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Toad started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of cakes, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Toad.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Toad never finished eating the front door made from cakes and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Toad stepped up, and approached the house made from crisps.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Toad. "Just you watch!"

Average Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from crisps. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Toad started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a toad!" said Average Toad.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Toad, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the toad away under his arm.

Average Toad never finished eating the front door made from crisps and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Toad stepped up, and approached the house made from macarons.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Toad. "Just you watch!"

Little Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from macarons. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Toad started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating macarons for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Toad into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Toad. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Toad was never seen again.

Little Toad never finished eating the front door made from macarons and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Tiny Toad stepped up, and approached the house made from cupcakes.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Toad. "Just you watch!"

Tiny Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cupcakes. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Toad's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of cupcakes, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.

"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Toad, and stomped off into the forest.

Tiny Toad never finished eating the front door made from cupcakes and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Even-Tinier Toad stepped up, and approached the house made from fruit gums.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Even-Tinier Toad. "Just you watch!"

Even-Tinier Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from fruit gums. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Suddenly, Even-Tinier Toad stopped eating and started dancing. While he danced, he sang at the top of his lungs, "Fruit gums! Watch me eat all the fruit gums!"

"It looks as though the fruit gums are making you hyperactive," laughed the witch.

"Oh no they're not!" cried Even-Tinier Toad. "I'm always this excited." With that, he walked into a tree.

Bong!

Even-Tinier Toad banged his head and fell backwards onto his bottom. He passed out, exhausted.

Even-Tinier Toad never finished eating the front door made from fruit gums and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Bunny."

"Not so fast," said Will. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from butternut squashes. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the toads. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Will.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Bunny back."

Will ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from butternut squashes and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Will sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Will. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Will's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from butternut squashes. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Will was down to the final piece of the door made from butternut squashes. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Will had eaten the entire front door of the house made from butternut squashes.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Bunny or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Will hurried over and grabbed Bunny, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Bunny was unharmed.

Will thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Cuthbert. It was starting to get dark.

When Will got to Cuthbert's house, his threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Cuthbert. "You are very late."

As Will described his day, he could tell that Cuthbert didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Cuthbert.

Will unwrapped a doorknob made from cakes. "Pudding!" he said.

Cuthbert almost fell off his chair.

The End