Chapter 187

I thought I'd fall asleep quickly once I lay down on the soft seats of Roman's carriage. I didn't need a blanket. It was summer and I wore two layers, them being my night gown which served as a sort of underwear dress, my actual underwear, and my dress. Even so, Roman fetched one for me, if for nothing else than so I had a pillow.

It smelled like him. Like pine and mint.

Unlike Gus's smell, which brought up cozy cuddles with my boy in bed and a home away from home, Roman's made me think of sudden, heart-racing moments and late night tea. He'd been my support and my friend. Isn't that what spousal material was? Not the memory of cuddling with a child and home. I couldn't tell.

Needless to say, while I doze in and out, the blanket kept me up with worry and tension. I didn't want to worry anyone. I needed someone. I wanted home. I missed home.

Inevitably, the stress started making me feel vulnerable again.