36 Return

It took a long time for Paxton to realize what Mrs. Robson meant. In the case of non-awake patients whose vital functions are supported by a respirator, the family had the right to disconnect the patient from the life-support machines, which was a radical and terrible step. They could also sign a document stating that in the event of the cessation of vital functions, they would not consent to resuscitation.

Both of these decisions were terrible. The first functioned in human imagination almost like murder or euthanasia, but the second was consent to natural death. It was simply not to rescue a life that could not exist without machines.

Steve closed his eyes. Both decisions were terrifying. For three years, Ms. Robson flatly refused to take them, so why so suddenly…?

"Why?" he asked, His voice was oddly calm.

"I couldn't look at her suffering anymore. She was neither alive nor dead. Suspended neither here nor there. I had to let her go. Have I done right? Steve? "

Paxton remembered all the days and nights that Mrs. Robson had been watching over Hannah. He remembered her tears and her smile, how strong she was and those moments when she had no more strength and cried in the corner, broken. He remembered all hopes and all disappointments. They both told each other there was still hope for Hannah, but her condition worsened. Waiting for the death of a loved one when you know there is no rescue ... How desperate, how broken must this woman be to let go of the daughter she loved so much?

Steve squeezed her hand tighter to cheer her up.

"Yes, Mrs. Robson, you did well. We both have to let her go. "

It was the three longest days of Martin's life. Not only were they terribly long, but the anxiety and anticipation that he experienced then made them also very stressful.

Could there be anything more terrible than knowing that you can't help the person you love?

Steve wasn't sweet as candy and bright as sun, he was dark and bitter, but that's what made him so appealing. It made him Steve.

In those three days, Martin had no time to cry over his broken heart. He was too worried about Paxton. Karl didn't tell him much, just that a person very close to Steve died after a long illness. The driver had to suffer a lot because of this. Judging from the moment he ran out of the booths, that was exactly what happened.

Things didn't go well at work either. The lack of the first driver and the injury of the second driver shortly before the season made everyone anxious and nervous. They could only work with a third driver who was green as grass in the spring. And Don felt indecently comfortable with the idea that he was so close to his professional track debut.

However, the atmosphere changed on day four when Steve Paxton appeared in the pits. There was an instant whisper of excitement among the mechanics. Steve said "good morning" and immediately asked Abe Allen for a chat. Paxton looked normal and acted like he always did, but talking to the chief mechanic in private behind closed doors made the mechanics feel uneasy again. Was Steve not back yet?

Allen and Paxton took about ten minutes to talk. Then the door opened and they both left. They had serious expressions. Steve nodded and backed off into the hallway leading to the changing room.

"Okay, guys!" Allen exclaimed and clapped to get general attention. Get Steve's car ready. Today he returns to training ... "

An enthusiastic welcome shout rolled through the garage and even a few caps flew up. Martin may have been the happiest, but he was surprised that the other mechanics greeted the first driver so cheerfully. Paxton had never fraternized with them.

"Steve is so liked?" he asked Terry.

"You did not know?" the senior mechanic was surprised. "Eh, kid, where are your eyes?"

"I thought it was more Jack ..."

"These two are completely different, but both are well-liked. Jack is like a buddy, like an older brother, he'll joke with us, laugh, invite us for a beer. It is always fun in his company. But Steve, um, how to put it ... Steve is more introverted, shy. He doesn't come for a beer with us, he doesn't joke, sometimes he swears and throws a water bottle, but have you ever seen him get angry with one of the mechanics and say something unpleasant to him? "

Martin thought for a moment.

"No, I don't think so," he admitted.

"Steve doesn't share his private life with us, but his professionalism is impeccable. He is always focused on the work and never complains. When the mechanics miss something, he waits patiently. When someone fails, he doesn't blame. He only gets pissed off at his own mistakes. He never blames others even if their guilt is obvious. I've worked with a lot of drivers and believe me, compared to most, Steve is like an angel. "

'Like an angel' struck Martin as an exaggeration, but upon reflection he had to agree that other mechanics might think of him that way. After all, they only knew him for business. Privately, however, Steve was ...

Exactly what? Despite so many adventures with this man, Martin still did not know anything about him. Was Martin's love real then? How can you love someone you don't know?

And do you know someone when you talk about love at first sight?

Martin knew Steve was a brilliant driver. When Paxton was on the track, the young mechanic's heart was pounding wildly. It beat just as hard when Martin saw him live, as he walked past him, when he smelled his incredibly masculine and sexy scent. Steve filled his waking thoughts and dreams. Despite his annoying flaws, Martin wanted to be with him, but shunned rather than crying into his pillow, he worried about Paxton. If that's not love, what is?

Sure, in his private life, Steve wasn't an angel. But angels should stay in heaven. Martin definitely prefers the 'earthly' man full of flaws who has mixed up his life so much.

The mechanics quickly got Steve's car ready and soon the driver appeared in his red and yellow driver's suit. He was beautiful, like a young Greek god. His eyes were dark, full of determination. It was the look of a real warrior. A real racing driver. It was a look that chilled Martin's heart, but lit a fire lower, much lower.

Martin knew he missed Steve, but he didn't realize how much. This man was like a flame to him, devouring his mind, his heart and his body. Martin bit his lower lip.

Paxton hit the track but drove differently than he always did. Definitely more cautious, slower. Martin looked around at his surroundings. It looked like everyone noticed this change. Most of the mechanics looked a little uneasy. Allen's face was like a stone mask. Don Alston, on the other hand, was smirking.

What was actually going on?

Someone tapped Martin on the shoulder. The boy turned to see Jack Lambert. The driver had a sad smile on his lips.

"When a person experiences something traumatic," he said softly, "it takes time to get back into balance. Some people need more than others. When working in a high-risk profession, you have to be especially careful not to lose your life. But you can't be too careful because you lose your balls. "

Martin turned pale.

"You mean, Steve… That Steve won't be a good driver anymore? Why?"

"Relax, I didn't say anything like that. Steve has had a hard time in his private life. He didn't have time to recover, but he had to go back to training so as not to lose points for the stable. The game is played for millions. Shit, I think it's too early for him, but what to do? "

Martin felt the painful sting of anxiety and uncertainty again. Why is Steve so careful? Is he afraid to go faster? Will it really affect his career?

Could this end his career?

Martin felt his spine grow ice.

Paxton finally returned to the garage. He got out of the car gloomy and more tired than ever. He didn't say a word, but headed straight for the locker room. Martin slipped away right after him.

The mechanic followed the driver at an equal distance. He could see that Steve was not in the best mood and he wanted to cheer him up somehow, but didn't know how? How can someone like him be a consolation to someone like Steve? They were already in the locker room when Paxton suddenly turned to meet Martin's eyes. His gaze pierced the mechanic right through.

"If you want to talk about something, it's not the best time," he said brusquely.

"I don't want to talk about anything," he confessed, coming closer. "I don't know what to tell you. But I want to be for you. "

"I don't know what you mean by that and I don't want to know. I want to take a shower. "

Paxton turned to his locker to get the things he needed when he felt Martin clinging to his back and wrapped his arms around him. Steve shivered and turned his head to Martin.

"What are you doing?" He asked. He wanted to be rough, but it didn't work out. "I said I don't feel anything for you."

Martin knew this, but he felt that the sadness, irritation and loneliness emanating from Steve could only be calmed by closeness. Love supposedly could help with any suffering, so Martin wanted to give him that little comfort and consolation. He concentrated emotions and thoughts saying: 'I love you! You are not alone!'

And then in a low voice Martin said:

"You said it was just sex. I agree to sex alone. I want this. "

He wasn't lying. He really wanted it. Steve needed consolation, and he himself… For him, it was probably the last chance to be with Paxton. For Martin it was a win-win situation. It's good to have the whole package - love and sex, but if you can only have one of two - well, one is better than nothing.

Martin could feel the driver's body reacting, but Paxton pushed him gently but firmly.

"You should forget about me" Steve turned to face Martin. "This relationship will not bring you happiness."

"Don't decide for me what will make me happy," Martin announced, and he opened Paxton's coveralls. The simple but bold gesture made his face blush. This was the first time the young mechanic took the initiative, where he actually initiated contact and began to tremble with excitement and uncertainty. As soon as he found access to Paxton's manhood, the mechanic dropped to his knees and, with trembling hands, began to reach for the driver's fly.

"Don't do that," Steve asked. "It won't do you any good"

Steve tried to break free, but this time it was Martin who found more strength.

"Do not move," he growled, feeling a surge of growing excitement. "It's payback time."