6 Katsuki Runs

Katsuki grit his teeth when the nurse on duty tried to get him to leave. Like hell he would leave Izuku now. Not when he was still unconscious and fucking vulnerable.

The nurse could take her fucking pitying and disapproving glances and fucking shove them up her – Katsuki felt his mother's hand on his shoulder, stopping him from lashing out.

Katsuki's bared his teeth in a snarl. He wouldn't leave Izuku now. He wouldn't.

"Katsuki," his mother started, "leave the nurse alone. She's just doing her job. Visiting hours are over."

Visiting hours are over, so fucking what? He would fucking stay with Izuku until he woke up, and no one would be able to stop him!

"Katsuki," his mother repeated sternly. "We are going home. You are going to clean all the blood off yourself, freshen up, get some food, get more sleep, then we can visit Izuku again tomorrow, alright? Listen to me. Do you think Izuku-kun will be happy to see you in this state?"

He felt an absurd amount of hopelessness and regret surge within him at his mother's words. That was a low fucking blow. Using Izuku against him. Katsuki felt his eyes water traitorously.

His nose felt sour.

He knew she was right, but –

Katsuki cast a lingering glance at Izuku. He still looked frail and vulnerable in the bed. He looked ridiculously small. Awake, Izuku exuded a wordless presence to him. He always felt like Izuku drew his attentions and his eyes way too easily. He couldn't ignore him even if he wanted to, and that had made him furious. It had felt like a slight on this pride, that he was always categorizing and monitoring Izuku's reactions, even unconsciously.

Looking at the unconscious form on the bed, Katsuki felt the overwhelming urge to protect this fragile existence from the outside world.

No one else will ever fucking hurt you again, he swore, not even myself.

Katsuki felt torn.

Knowing Izuku, he definitely wouldn't want to see him like this. That suicide note left for him confirmed that fact multiple times. The stupid, considerate moron tried to reassure him several times.

How would he ever be able to make up for causing harm to Izuku?

Katsuki stomped down on the cocktail of feelings that were threatening to surge. He would only let out his feelings when he was alone. Not in the presence of some stranger.

Katsuki left the hospital with his mother, his anger sizzling under his skin. As he sat in the car, he felt anger at himself, anger at his mom, anger at the nurse, even anger at Izuku himself for allowing things to get this far.

The blonde teen immediately felt ashamed and regretful the moment he had the last thought. He knew it wasn't their fault. The nurse was just doing her job, and his mother was trying to get him to take care of himself. It definitely wasn't Izuku's fault. The blame all lay on himself.

Everything was caused by him.

If only he had pushed aside what everyone thought. If only he had persisted in their friendship instead of trying to drive the other away. If only he had –

The car jerked to a stop, breaking him from the cycle of self-hatred that he had unknowingly driven himself into. Katsuki woodenly followed his mother into the house.

She quickly heated up some leftovers that they had the day before, not having the mood nor the patience to start cooking.

He forced down the food, one agonising bite at a time, constantly reminding himself that he couldn't cause Izuku any worry when he woke up.

Everything tasted like ash. He blankly thought to himself this is what it would be like if he was able to produce explosions in his mouth.

When Katsuki stepped into the bathroom, he was hit by the vivid flashback of Izuku's body lying in the bathtub with red, red, red.

Katsuki felt bile rise in his throat. He slammed his eyes shut and took shallow breaths, trying to push away the memory. He could still smell the metallic tang in the air.

By the time he had washed up, and was lying in bed, his mother pressed a kiss to his forehead, her eyes betraying her worry and sadness, he had no idea how he had gotten through bathing.

The door closed softly behind her. He heard her move away from his door towards her room.

Katsuki categorized his room mechanically. Everything looked just like how it had always been.

As he looked towards his left, his eyes caught sight of white paper. Before he knew it, he'd sat up.

His hand trembled slightly, reaching towards the sheet that held so many words of love, both spoken and unspoken. His fingers glided over the paper gently in an attempt to straighten out the creases he had left so carelessly.

His eyes traced over the words, again and again, before a small droplet of water suddenly landed on the slightly crumpled paper.

Water?

He glanced upwards at the ceiling but found nothing, glancing back down at the paper.

Where was – oh.

He was… crying?

Him?

He, Bakugou Katsuki, was crying?

The weight of the situation suddenly slammed into him.

Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut. The feelings that accumulated during the day suddenly overwhelmed him, bursting out at once. The grief he felt for causing harm to Izuku, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. The deep-rooted regret he felt, down to his very bones at the damage that he had caused to his first friend. The one he knew now that was his only true friend. The one who had always been with him, through the years. The presence that had never faltered in his life.

Never faltered, until he pushed him too far, his mind whispered.

Katsuki let out a broken sob, before trampling down on his waterworks with sheer willpower alone.

He didn't deserve to cry.

He pressed his face into his hands. His eyes felt hot, and his nose felt runny.

Katsuki wiped his hands to ensure they were free of tears and carefully placed the letter aside before heading to the bathroom to splash some water on his face in hopes of calming down.

The blonde spotted his reflection in the mirror.

His eyes were rimmed with red, and his eyelids were swollen, like he had just spent a long session crying. He looked dispirited and tired. He saw the faint beginnings of dark circles under his eyes.

He looked like one of those girls in the chick flicks that got dumped by their boyfriend.

Or their boyfriend died, whispered the voice in his head.

He felt tears well up again.

There are also those like me, who will never be able to receive any positive emotion from their love, who choose to end their life rather than suffer the pain of the contempt and hate from the other party.

Izuku's words from the letter rang loudly in his mind.

Katsuki felt a surge of panic envelop him.

Would Izuku immediately try to commit suicide again if he woke up in the middle of the night?

Izuku would think that he still hated him, still despised and loathed him.

"No!" he panicked, hurriedly dressing himself. He had the sense of mind to grab his phone. The lesson from before was deeply imprinted on his soul.

Katsuki ran out of the house.