12 Katsuki Rages

Katsuki felt like he was going insane.

Izuku, that stupid moronic idiot had been missing for ten months. TEN FUCKING MONTHS.

There hadn't been a phone call, a letter, sms. Nothing. Fucking NOTHING.

Katsuki was equal parts worried and mad. However, the longer Izuku remained missing, the more his worry increased. There was only one thing that even eased his worries the slightest amount. He knew Izuku wasn't planning on committing suicide again.

But still, he could've called or something. He just left him a single note that said, "I'll be back, Kacchan."

That was fucking it.

Just an "I'll be back, Kacchan". Then, he disappeared off the face of the fucking planet. Fucking fuck, Katsuki swore. He visited all the spots he knew Izuku frequented before, but there was no trace of him. His apartment also showed no signs of tampering, nor was there anything missing.

Just thinking about it increased his anger levels exponentially. He was so fucking worried he couldn't even sleep properly at night. He'd spent so many sleepless nights his eyebags were practically as black as fucking night. Those fucktards at school even asked if he'd become an insomniac. Fucking extras.

It rankled that no one even gave a thought about Izuku disappearing. He'd never realized how little friends Izuku had. Was he truly the only friend he had? Tears pricked Katsuki's eyes. No wonder he'd been willing to put up with him, no matter how badly Katsuki had treated him. No wonder he always came back, never leaving. No wonder he'd fucking resorted to suicide.

Dammit, he swore he would at least punch Izuku once for causing him to worry this much. Katsuki felt bitter. Who was he kidding? No, he wouldn't. No matter what he said now in his fit of anger, he knew he couldn't bear to hurt the other again, not after what he's already done, not after all the hurt Izuku's been through.

He was worrying himself out of his goddamn mind, and that idiot Izuku was doing god knows what out there.

Katsuki had applied to UA, like how he'd always boasted before, but his heart wasn't really in it. How could it be, when he didn't even know how Izuku was passing his days? Know how he was feeling, how he was faring?

He trudged to the UA Entrance Exam in low spirits.

Being a Hero had always been his dream, but now that he was on the verge of taking steps in the right direction, it felt like something was missing. It felt like a hollow victory.

Ten months ago, before Izuku's suicide attempt, he'd imagined that Izuku would be next to him when the time come, annoying him with his timidity and muttering, not giving up despite being Quirkless. After his suicide attempt, Katsuki thought to himself that he would support Izuku no matter what he wanted to do. If he wanted to be a Hero, Katsuki would do his best to support him no matter what happened. Now that Izuku was gone, he felt out of sorts. It felt like half of him was missing. He felt incomplete. Shattered. Broken.

He'd never realized how his life seemed to revolve so much around Izuku and his presence. A single day without him had already driven to the edge of madness, more to say about being missing for a full ten months. That nerd had slipped through his defences without him noticing, inserting his presence into his life so deeply that there was no way he could recover.

He was ruined for life, and Izuku had better fucking take responsibility, or he would never forgive him.

Katuski frowned, wondering to himself if this was how friends felt for each other. If he thought about it, how he reacted was rather extreme, wasn't it?

He'd seen friends get separated before, but the way they acted didn't seem to hold a candle in the face of his intense emotions. Or were they just better at hiding it?

He couldn't quite make any connections, considering Izuku was his only true friend. If he had another friend, would he also react the same way?

Katsuki's frown deepened. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind, telling himself to ponder over it later. It probably wasn't important anyway. So what if he felt like crying every time he looked at Izuku's empty seat. He was sure other people would react the same way if they had a friend that had almost died, then realized he'd gone missing.

His feelings were just generally more intense than other people anyway. Everyone else was dull and monotone. Even when they were angry, many of them just seemed to take it lying down, unlike him. He wasn't sure if they just didn't have the guts or just weren't angry enough, but Katsuki had never claimed to understand people, and he didn't want to.

They didn't have significance in his life, not like Izuku. He wanted to pry Izuku's mind apart and understand him. He wanted to know what made the other tick. Somehow, his reactions were interesting, unlike the rest of the extras. He wanted to categorize every reaction Izuku had and imprint it in his memories.

He wasn't sure if that just made Izuku special.

The old hag loved Izuku to bits and pieces. He'd seen the way she reacted to his close call. He'd seen the red-rimmed eyes when Izuku disappeared. He'd heard the quiet crying from the bathroom door. She didn't seem to realize that things echoed in the bathroom.

Even his old man had seemed rather quiet in the current months. Izuku had wormed his way into his family. No. Their family. There was no way that Izuku was anything other than family.

Katsuki made his way into the hall with his hands in his pockets.

The hall was filled with a million UA hopefuls. Katsuki felt stifled. There was so many fucking people, and they were all crowding. At least no one else had any personal space in here, so he better suck it up. He'd come this far now.

Even if Izuku wasn't here, he would represent him in his stead. He would carry the ambitions for the two of them. He felt a pang of loneliness at the thought. He missed Izuku. He missed his cute freckles, his messy green hair, his wide green eyes, red cheeks – he slapped himself mentally, scowling.

He'd fallen low to be mentally waxing poetic about Izuku's looks. But he missed seeing his smile – he slapped himself again.

Katsuki sat down heavily on his seat, glaring down at his feet, re-evaluating his life choices.

He felt the presence of another person sitting beside him, shooting his annoyance levels through the roof. That seat should've been for Izuku, not this random fucking extra – oh.