Crying

Katsuki awoke slowly. He groaned and rolled over. He opened his eyes, then immediately shut it due to the bright light. His thought processes were all muddled. This was quite a rare experience. Months of sleepless nights had left its toll on him. He could tell that his reflexes were slowing down, but what could he do?

Sleeping pills? Haha, don't fuck with him. What kind of Hero would take fucking sleeping pills? It wasn't just dangerous, that was practically flirting with death, understand? Taking some sort of fucked up sleeping pills that could hold him deep in slumber without chance of waking up? Like he would ever be that desperate. He would just tough it out. How fucking bad could it be? It's not like it can get any worse, anyhow.

His hand reached out for something, his mind didn't quite process what. He knew he was looking for something, but he couldn't quite remember what he was looking for. All he knew was that it was supposed to be right here, and it wasn't.

Where was it?

Katsuki's hand thumped on the mattress. He furrowed his brows. There was nothing there. What was he looking for again?

The blonde teen burrowed his face into the pillow, trying to block out the bright light. His mind slowly trying to recall what he was looking for, akin to rusty old gears turning.

Then, it hit him like a Quirk from the blue.

Izuku!

His eyes shot open. Katsuki looked around frantically. He was right here before he slept, so how could he have disappeared in such a short amount of time?

Before his panic could build much further, his eyes landed on a sleeping form.

Izuku was leaning on the mattress, seated on the floor. All that could be seen of him was his mass of dark green curls, his face buried in his arms. He was breathing gently, and so softly that Katsuki couldn't hear a sound.

Katsuki inwardly let out a sigh of relief.

He looked at his childhood friend, who had evidently somehow gotten out of his secure wrappings, as well as from his arms without waking him, or even stirring him. The green blanket was strangely spread out on the floor, and Katsuki couldn't quite put his finger on why it was registering as strange to him.

He shoved the errant thought to the back of his mind. It was probably nothing. He scowled, pushing down the urge to wrap the mossy-haired teen up in the blanket again. He refused to be embarrassed about the way he acted.

Izuku evidently needs to be protected, alright? Just look at the goddamn mess he'd gotten himself into on the first day he comes back. Fucking broken bones. Not cracked, or even fractured. Fucking broken bones, for fucks sake. It was the first day! The first day.

Just what was Izuku trying to do to him? He felt like he was about to have a heart attack thinking about the months he'd been away.

The blonde teen stared at the slumbering teen on the edge of his bed, trying to ascertain if he still had any lingering injuries. He shouldn't, since he'd gotten treated by recovery girl, but who knew? Sometimes Quirks didn't work as they were supposed to.

He couldn't spot any injuries as far as the surface was concerned, but he wouldn't be able to confirm that Izuku was completely fine until he woke up. There was a reason why he'd wrapped him up in that blanket, after all.

The longer he stared at Izuku's prone form, the more the guilt felt like waves crashing on the beach. It felt like the tide was coming in, bringing the guilt along the shores of the beach, filling up his entire being. Izuku had gone for it recklessly in his UA entrance exam. Was this his fault? Was this a result of his earlier actions? Did Izuku still have such little regard for his life that he would rather throw it away in a fucking entrance exam?

He'd never been able to clarify things further with Izuku before he left the hospital so abruptly. He hadn't been able to clearly tell Izuku that he didn't hate him. During these last ten months, he'd been sleepless due to guilt, worry and concern.

It felt like a hand was clenching itself hard around his heart. The thought that Izuku might have gone the past ten months thinking that he still hated him, that he might have acted differently because of the spur of the moment, left him feeling cold and helpless.

Katsuki bit his lips, then bit his tongue. He hadn't cried in ten months, and he wasn't going to cry now dammit. He felt a stab of pain, and tasted metal.

The blonde winced slightly, prodding the roof with this tongue to see how bad it was. It wasn't that painful, so it couldn't be that bad.

Then, the universe being the huge jackass it was, would choose for this moment to be the one where Izuku started waking up, at the exact the moment his guilt was at the highest point. It was probably because of his fluctuating but intense emotions, if what Izuku had implied in his letter about his Quirk was true. Distance was certainly playing a part at this moment.

Katsuki hastily tried to shove the heavy feelings of guilt back down the black abyss of his mind. He didn't need Izuku knowing just how much guilt he felt about his past actions. He would've given anything to go back in time to slap some sense into his past self to prevent this from ever happening.

Bleary emerald eyes met burning red.

The two teens stared at each other, neither talking, both not quite sure what to say.

Then, of course, Izuku just had to break into tears.

Something short-circuited in Katsuki's brain at seeing Izuku's tears. The panic came back in full force.

The silently panicking blonde stared at Izuku's face, suddenly at a loss of what to do. He reached out to Izuku with both hands, but then stopped. He didn't know if his actions would be welcomed, so his hands just hovered uselessly. He didn't know where to put them, or if he even had a right to do so.

"K-Kac-cchan," Izuku hiccupped out, his voice thick with tears.

Katsuki silently said fuck it in his mind, and enclosed his arms around Izuku, pulling him close with great effort.

He pressed Izuku's face to the crook of his neck, letting him cry everything out. Izuku's tears immediately wet his shirt, making little hiccups as he tried to hold back the waterworks.

Katsuki felt another squeeze on his heart, feeling helpless and so fucking guilty.

Izuku pressed his head harder into his neck, almost like he was trying to burrow as close as he possibly could, and Katsuki's heart involuntarily jumped. It felt like his heart was trying to make its way out of his chest. The blood was rushing in his ears. His heartbeat was thundering.

The blonde teen squeezed the other in a hug, unconsciously mimicking the squeezing of his heart.

His heart was filled with sweet, honeyed affection, along with the bitter taste of guilt, making him feel bittersweet. The guilt never left, never strayed. He was sure that it would be a lifelong companion, just as he hoped his newly budding love would be.

He damn well knew he deserved none of this, but he was so fucking selfish, and if Izuku said that his Quirk wouldn't allow him to be with anyone else, then Katsuki was going to take as much advantage for as long as he could.

Izuku had tried to end his life prematurely, and Katsuki would have none of that from now on. The blonde felt a stab of pain at the mere thought. He'd had plenty of sleepless nights thinking back about that day. He'd fucking make sure this silly idiot would be kept safe, be it from himself or anyone else.

He'd devote his heart and soul to Izuku, and no one else, this he swore.