125 Self reflection

My heart is breaking.

My heart is aching.

Thinking of you,

Thinking of the face that you would give me if you knew.

How disappointed you would be of me.

How disgusted with my choices you would be.

Could you ever forgive me,

Could you ever accept that about me?

I hope that you would, but we both know you never would.

I hope you never know.

How it keeps me up at night,

How when I think of it I get sick at the realization,

How I cry thinking of how angry you would be,

How you would stop loving me for it.

I hope that I can get over it,

I hope that I can accept that.

Could I ever forgive myself for that thought,

Could this blow over?

How will I be able to stop it?

How long will I fight to keep the same in everyone's presence?

Thinking of an alternative.

Thinking of another way.

My heart hurts bottling it all up.

My heart is throbbing to come clean