100 Oh Little sister where did you go

I don't understand why people do things that they know others won't approve of under their name and then put it out on the internet. To talk about such a subject in front of people who would tell you're important people what you have said or done.

What do you get out of the reaction that is so obvious on our faces

Do you feel satisfied?

Do you feel like scaring us?

Do you like to see our worry?

Oh, little sister of mine why are you doing what you are doing. I hate to see what you are doing to your self. I want to be proud of you and all of the things you are doing, I want to stand up for you, I want to understand the reasons for the things you do, but I just can't do that anymore.

You refuse to talk to me and let me understand your problems. Its heart wrenching for me to see you go down this path that I know will lead you to destruction. I want to help you, you are such a good person, but your decisions are breaking my heart.

I hate how you think I have no idea what you are doing. I can see it in your face when the conversations start, the way you become defensive at every word or look that strays to your direction, your eyes have less shine in them as the days go by, and the worst of it all the reactions you have started to give.

Where is the fight in you to stand up for your self little sister of mine?

Where is your laugh that used to bring joy to the room?

Where did the girl that liked to help others go?

Why must you stare me down and lie about your feelings to my face? Why do you walk through the house like you have one foot out the door and your never coming back? I know that you are unhappy, but how can I help things get better?

I want the sister I could: joke with, Laugh with, Plan with, talk with.

I don't remember the last time I had a conversation with you that didn't lead to an argument or the slamming of doors. When was the last time you would let me hug you? It was years ago. Where did the cuddly sister of mine that was determined to spend time with me go?

You hate being compared to T. I hate it just as much as you do so why do you go time and time again back to the same behavior. You talk bad about people doing the same things you do today.

I may not have done the same things that you have but that is due to seeing what would happen first hand. I remember the night you got to live with us permanently. I was so happy because I knew you were going to be okay. I hated seeing you leave and come back in the same diaper and clothing having eaten nothing since you had left the day before. Some days you were lucky and had been changed but I remember mom being so upset when you came in that state.

I'm not sure if you remember but you used to get along with M. when the two of you were little. You were so happy when she stayed with us and would cry when she was forced to leave. When Ar. was born it was just a repeat of what had happened before. You loved them both so much always begging for them to come and live with us. When we got to keep them with us you were so happy to wake them up in the morning, to play with them. Where did that love go Ab. because when I look at you three in the same room as one another all I see is resentment.

Please don't do this anymore little sister of mine. I'm afraid that if you continue down this path you wont be here with us anymore. You may say that I'm overreacting ,but remember the scare from a couple of weeks ago. I don't want that to happen again.

I remember praying for you every night when I was little, and I continue to do so in my prayers.

Please don't make me have to redirect my prayers to the stars

Ab. you probably wont ever read this but I love you Baby sis. please don't do these things anymore. I know mom can't take it much more.

love you

-G

for everyone else, I will have a less personal update in a couple of hours. Once I sat down to write I just couldn't stop myself from typing what was on my mind.....So my bad

-Anex