46 Cross my stitch(es), hope to tie (and not die).

Sophie is not surprised.

Really, she's not even a bit disappointed. This was about what Sophie had been expecting, on the lower end but still within her guesswork. Couldn't be helped, not with the disorientation, the lack of real direction, and the stark discrepancy of life as people had known it and their current circumstances.

Monsoon season was approaching and most of the survivors were still lost in the haze.

The greater majority of people were still struggling with feeding themselves, let alone create a proper shelter or storing provisions for when the debilitating rains came. It was honestly pretty sad. As they were now, they could only wait to be blown and washed away.

The banks of the river would flood come heavy rainfall, as would basins in the valley. The creeks would swell and once peaceful streams could quickly become dangerous rapids. This didn't include the winds that the summer storms could bring.

The currently convenient areas that many people were staking their open camps would become unlivable in about a month's time. Unless one didn't mind living half deep in water and mud that is.

Sophie doesn't have many fond memories of her time on the island. This was not one of them but it had seemed so simple back then when their situation was the most pathetic. Huddled up under their sad excuses of shelters, no one even thought of committing any crime. Too busy trying to stay warm and fucking dry.

The entire experience on the island was wretched, but it was the first year, that first cultural shift and shock that people felt such despair. When they were the least prepared.

There was muddy water everywhere, in everything. No one could seem to every stay dry, let alone clean. It was a wet and miserable time for everyone, even the crew who managed to lock themselves up in the shelter of the plane.

People still needed to eat. They needed to live.

It wasn't necessarily because they were brave or resourceful. There was just literally no choice but to traverse the elements. It was either that or starve and freeze to death. Disease festered easily, wild rodents roamed freely looking for dry spots and fresh blood. They couldn't just make do with half done shelters. If they were out getting wet and dirty then they might as well make it worthwhile.

Mattie was the one who was most adamant about getting a fucking roof over their heads, even if he had to do it himself. The mud and filth bothered him far more than the cold, even though getting rained on so much caused him to catch a fever and cold. He was weaker after that, quicker to get sick.

That wasn't fucking happening again. Not on Sophie's watch.

They had their cavern, their hideaway camp and safe space.

The seeds that needed to be germinated and planted before the rainy season were sitting small and pretty in sunny parts of the caves, but the selected lands needed to rest a bit after clearing. Even if they couldn't manage to finish the construction that Sophie has planned, they could still hole away nice and safe in there. The cave can't leak nor flood, but Sophie had already accounted for that possibility in the floor plans. Drain trenches leading out and down were dug. Grass and palm thatchings were cut, gathered and tied to smoke and dry. Eventually, that would make some good doorway coverings and roofing to their patio. It was still a patio for now. When they had time they would build it up into a cover dwelling. One that would well hide not only their real home but the secret pathways that took Sophie and her siblings up and down so easily.

But that plan was to be put on hold. Why?

Because there was no one around to fool.

Sophie had suspected the possibility before, feared it, but it was also just another thing she reasonably predicted. Mary Beth wasn't coming up with them. She had said no.

Shame, they already cleared another, though much smaller, cavern for the old woman's dwelling space. No flooring yet or their cheat modern amenities but it was clean and a hell lot better than being down here.

There was no need to suffer down here with everyone like they had before.

The old woman was one of the reasons to be down with the main group, even when they were already limited on preparation time. They had too much work to do to waste time. Everyone did, whether they knew it or not.

"It's awfully sweet of ya'll, but it's no good lugging around an old woman like me. "

"Nooooo. Please please pretty please come with us. " begged June again.

June, ever the little hero. The most charming and disarming of the three of them siblings, at least naturally. It was Sophie who networked with half lies, Mattie who cautiously made tentative friends, and June who hummed and chattered with everyone.

It was her friendly personality that made them so well received at the main group and shelter, so natural and at home.

"Don't be silly dears. You really do know how to melt one's icebox but I ain't botherin you youngins. You kiddos got a tough enough time out there."

"But!"

Most 16-year-olds would be ecstatic to be living on their own without any adult supervision, let alone an elderly senior. Yet June was unusually attached to Mary Beth. Maybe it was the way the old woman talked, sweet like summer iced tea but as comforting and warm as a cozy blanket in the night. Maybe it was in her over encompassing teddy bear hugs and lack of reservation, something June wasn't quite used to.

Her own parents, while not unloving, were for lack of a better term, old school Asian. They valued a humble sort of restraint and subtlety, something that Sophie and Mattie took after far more than June did. They also didn't hug or touch as much nor were they anywhere near verbal like her friends' parents.

Can't be helped, it was part culture and just part the way they were.

She couldn't recall a single "good job honey" or "you did amazing, I'm so proud of you" from them, ever. That did something to any kid's self-esteem, aka messed it up!

June's only comfort was that her siblings got the same treatment. No matter how many straight-A report cards or random awards they brought home, it barely got a nod of approval. God forbid they bring home anything less. June shuddered as she thought about the one time she got a C in Jr. High. The instant shame of the family. Dishonored everyone, dishonor on her, her ancestors, and even dishonored the imaginary cow they didn't own. She got no sympathy from her own siblings as she remained awkwardly frozen while her parents loudly wept over the kitchen table like she murdered their firstborn son or something.

Which given how much Mattie snickered and lorded that one C over her that year, she might as well have.

See June would go insane with her brother as 1/2 of her only real company. The other half was Sophie? Who is cool and all but that's Sophie, enough said in June's opinion.

"Oh but you have to! Sophie said it's going to rain and flood and everyone's gonna be all cooped up and miserable. But there's not even a place for you all to be cooped up cept the planes and that can't fit everyone comfortably. The shelter is going to be really really messy and stuff so please, pretty please. Come with us? We totes got it so much better together."

June spilled, as much as she could. She would love to have the sweet old woman with her, and the thought of her initial savior suffering through the miserable conditions that Sophie warned them about made her heart ache. Mary Beth was so old, surely she wouldn't be able to bear through the disorder and rough living.

"That's just it isn't it? You kids are doing real good for yourselves out there."

"You mean the rocks, hatchets and basket stuff? They're so much easier than they look, like it's nothing. Lots of people, even the kids are picking it up really well after we showed them. Which is great because oooh man is firewood a pain."

" Easier than it looks huh honey? Well did anyone think of it first? Or step up like you did?"

"Well no but everyone would have figured it out eventually." June reasoned.

Around them was the exact same scene, same people doing the same things. Yet their eyes saw differently.

"...Eventually, yeah eventually maybe. Folks would figure out that if you peel the leaves off those vines, the thorns come out too. But otherwise, they would have just avoided them for a long time, that or get hurt. It would take a loooooong time before that eventually comes. Then we wouldn't have this."

Children and their mothers splitting soft smooth vines for materials, weaving them into actual stuff. Hands mostly clumsy with raw inexperience but learning. Outside a pair of black-haired siblings led the able-bodied to chop and clear the surrounding foliage, snapping firewood and identifying grassy but edible plants along the way. Mary Beth pointed them out.

"You really haven't noticed June bug?"

June shook her head, not understanding all that Mary Beth seemed to see, nor how it related to her not coming up with them. All she saw was Sophie being Sophie and Mattie, well being himself too. Admittedly though, they kinda stood out against the rest of the survivors.

"Why your brother is the nicest smellin flower on this whole damn island, an you girls ain't far behind. You bunch are the picture of strong and healthy, all pink cheeks, not an ounce of hunger in ya'll. "

"Those are good things?"

"Real good. Now look around, or just smell around. Nobody else comes close, nobody is as clean, whole and lively as you are June bug. Now why is that? "

"...Because of Sophie and Mattie." answered June easily.

It just all seemed so natural following behind her older siblings, as easy as breathing. Where they stepped, she followed. Where she lagged, one of them supported. Somehow, somewhere along the way, they shifted. It wasn't always like this, this unequal.

June knows that without her sister's wisdom and supplies, she would be just as lost and starving as anyone else here. Without Mattie's protection and support, she would be just as desolate and vulnerable, maybe even more so.

It just hit different knowing it deep down and seeing it person. Like there's this gap that you can't seem to cross.

"Look at how people listen to em- follow after em. You said that folks would have figured things out eventually but they don't need help later. They need it now. They just don't know how to start. That's what you've been doing, helping people help themselves."

In the distance, they watched as a pixie-haired girl lead soft palms to dig drain lines, with nothing but smoothed down sticks to stab in the ground. At the edge a tall boy laughs, showing another group how easily the intimidating jungle crunches beneath his knife, his feet, as he clears the surrounding land.

Mary Beth nodded in satisfaction, as she sewed. It was a tiny thing being fixed up, most likely belonging to a child. With deft fingers, the scraped and tears were fixed up with little noticeability.

All it took was a needle, some thread, and a solid tie at the end.

"You work quick don't you? Makin something out of nothing, working things through and around until it holds. It takes some smarts yeah, but more than anything it takes a special sort of grit. Some shameless guts."

"I still don't really get it...." led off June, rambling out loud, "...Like I know I'm luckier than most because I have them. It makes a part of me feel insecure and small but way more than that I feel proud. Of course, you can't ever tell Mattie that. Where was I going with this? Oh well, ...yeah, they're cool. The two of them are actually really cool."

It was a contrasting feeling. Insecurity, the feeling of wanting to do better mixed with the prideful admiration that siblings often keep quiet on.

Mary Beth nodded again, always listening, always understanding. With a final pull, she snips the thread and ties it tight.

"There now, all fixed, and now it will hold."

"That's cool too Mary Beth."

"Oh what, this little thing? Well yes, I suppose it is, lot of things to get a fixin' to. I have a feeling we gonna be seeing a lot of torn up stuff real soon, not just clothes."

"So....is that why then? Why you won't come with us?"

"Oh why have you figured it out just now June girl?"

June shrugged, making a non-commital whine as her fingers spun themselves pink in working rough bark into softer more workable cordage. No spare time to not be doing something, so Sophie had warned.

"Hmmm, like I get it because sometimes I just sit here and think I'm not any real good. Sophie is honestly like stupid smart, she got into this fancy school that my parents never shut up about to their friends and now, well you can just see her right now. It's this big bad 'what do you do if you were trapped on a deserted island' question and she's acing it."

She huffs, pink in the face from more than just the warm day.

"Then there's flippin Mattie, like, he's such a huge dork and a suck up and he just gets things. He gets the good kind of attention so easily or knows just what to say to all sorts of people and he doesn't even try. I mean of course, he tries and works hard because you just don't get scholarships or the like out of nowhere but that's another thing he's gotten. Here he picks things up so easy, like he had the cheat guide or something. Do you know how many rock hatchet thingies he can make in the time I make one? "

June puffs and in fear of breaking any of the tediously made cordages, she starts on splitting even more rough vines, uncaring of the tough sharp bits, twisting the fine bits into twine.

Mary Beth only continues to hum and nod, her hands back on her half done knitting project. Doing little more than just listening, because sometimes that's all that people really need. An open ear and a shoulder to lean on. She sincerely listens on as the girl continues.

"So like compared to them I sometimes feel...behind, or worse, in the way. The thing I don't wanna do the most is hold them back, not really. But here at the shelter, I feel like it's a whole different world and wow I'm the one people go to? Telling people what they need to do or making baskets and mats. It's really mindblowing and it feels good like I'm actually making a difference. So I'm guessing from that, that's kinda sorta what you feel Mary Beth."

"I reckon you don't give yourself enough credit girly. I like that brain of yours. Go on, tell me why you think that way."

"Um so I'm guessing it's like me in that you feel you're more useful down here with everyone, as a part of something. You can sew along with other things, and you know what to do when people get sick. You just know. Versus going to live with us, which is like waaaaay better but you know that and you don't know what to really do with your hands if you do. You feel bad for receiving like... anything. I feel that, I just don't know where I stand, where to move best and help best. "

"Ya hit the nail, blunt girl ain't cha! I like that. Ah but see, there's a big difference between the two of us. You know what that is?"

"Arg I'm outta answers! What is it with people and questions with no real answers?"

"Ha! There's an answer to this one, I promise you, sweetie. 70 years. The difference is about 70 years between us. This is me after a pretty damn long human life. You? You're a sprout with so much left to go through, so much to learn. My road only has so much left at my age, but you? You got a whole world out there kiddo."

What does a 16 year old say to that? What does anyone?

Another question with no real answer. June is beginning to feel as if that's what she's mainly made out of. Open unsure endings.

"Don't rush it June bug. No one ever has it figured it out, no matter how old they get. Not your Sophie, not your Mattie and definitely not me." Mary Beth points them out with her knitting needles as she speaks their names.

Right now Mattie was screaming something awful as Sophie throws literal dirt on him. There was a lot of dirt involved in digging and flattening the ground.

"Doesn't feel like it." grumbles June.

"No I don't suppose it does dearie. Never does. But we're all driving out an open road with no real directions. All your kin there are doin is leading the carpool like the young do. Fast and leaving their blinker lights on. Big wreck of a world out there, nice to have good folk to buffer some of that wind."

"I can't even drive Mary Beth."

"See, all the more reason to not worry so much. There's time, lean on your kin since you have em. I can handle my old wheels down here just fine. Rusty but I work well enough."

"I meant literally- like I don't even have my learning permit."

"Same thing June-bug. What you said before was right as rain, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I took you up. You three are working so damn hard, I just know it. Where we can't see you're all busting your asses out there making things happen before bringing back bits and pieces of those directions to the rest. We're all lost dearie, what makes you kiddos different is that you're racing forward with it, not in spite of it."

"That's great and all but what do I tell Sophie now?"

"Tell her what sweetbug?"

"That I totes failed my not so secret mission of convincing you? Like it really will suck, hard. Next month everyone's just gonna get rain and mud and rats and monsoons suck. We can't do anything about it but if you do come with us there will be less of all that to deal with?"

June was trying okay? When all else fails then go with honesty. It kinda defeats the purpose of giving the old lady a nicer time in the jungle land by dragging her the mountain against her will. They had bikes so that's a ride?

"Thanks but no thanks, sweetheart. I'm better needed down here, lots more youngins that could use a helpin hand or stitch. Of course, you're more than welcome to come see me any damn time you want. Besides, I wouldn't worry too much about tellin your sissy there."

"Again I don't get it."

"They work fast don't they? Your Mattie and Sophie. In less than a day they got folks to get that whole area cleared and pulled up. Now what's that they doing there with them sticks and big old rocks?"

"Um, like making holes for the wood frame. Like that's what we did for our camp, so we can build up. The foundation has to be deep enough so it doesn't just blow away or fall apart easily. Then after the foundation, you can tie in a roof. We found bamboo closer to our camp but I think they're just gonna use whatever trees are around here. "

"Building something eh? Didn't you say ya'll were busy with that monsoon prep? What are you doing here with us then?"

"Duh, to convince you to come with us."

"Which is why they're leading a construction project right over there? Building a nice safe place for us folks to settle in before the wet days come? Those drain trenches are some smart work, what's that there big hole for?"

"Uhh so the trenches will lead rain water away but it can collect in the hole like a pool. If you make it bigger and line it with stones and gravelly stuff it can be used to store water for stuff. Or at least that's what I learned from the video--eerrr what Sophie showed me."

"Well slap my head and call me silly, that sure doesn't seem to convince me to leave here. Makin the place all the nicer to live in. What a sure nice set up they got going there."

"Well ours is better I think but they definitely got better at building and it's so much faster with all these people and....oh. "

June gets it. She gets it and she gets that they've been bamboozled. For some odd reason, Sophie already knew and let them get swindled into helping the people of the shelter, well, make a damn shelter.

Anyone who felt comfortable enough, and was strong enough, to space themselves off already did so. It was only the old, weak, and families that just didn't feel safe enough that made up what June would call the shelter. People huddling around a sad dragged about tarp that used to be the inflatable plane slide.

A real bad time was coming for them, their first monsoon season.

There was so much work to be done Sophie had repeated, drilled into their brains as she made them work, gather and build.

Yet here they were down the mountain with the main group. Willingly helping others, the weakest of the survivors, build a decent shelter of their own.

June knew the general idea of what Sophie was probably herding them into constructing. Mud huts with palm roofs, the fastest things to set up. Mix the mud up with ash and dry straw to get some sort of cob, play with it over the foundation frame like playdough. Walls could be further reinforced with stones or wood.

It wouldn't be the world's most sturdy structure but it would keep the rain and wind out, straight into the dirt gutters. Give more people more space for a safe shelter.

If Mary Beth insisted on staying down here, and Sophie and crew insisted of giving the old woman a more comfortable remaining time, then this was really the option they were driven to. Making Mary Beth her own nice place to ride out the storm, at least until they convince her otherwise.

They were scammed into starting that village Mattie teased her about after all.

Somehow June can't find it in her to be mad about that at all.

A familiar voice calls her name in the distance.

"June get over here! Your arm is good now right? We have roots, stupid dirty roots that need pulling!" shouts Mattie, grimacing in the dry mud and dirt.

It's not an act to act disgusted, and it was certainly easier than dealing with whatever uncomfortable feelings he has on hearing his younger sister's ranting confession.

Fuck freaky snake bites and what they did his senses, he didn't mean to eavesdrop but here he is. Extra good hearing, whoopie. From how Sophie ignores his worried glaring looks the whole time, she must have heard everything too. Worse yet, she probably already knew. No freakshow snake or psychic powers needed, that was just Sophie.

Just Sophie also thinks it's funny to calm him down by dishing dirt on him, literally. Thanks sis.

They all need baths, badly. He's only had the shower for a short time but he doesn't know how he would live without it. He also needs to just stop feeling bad about how they're keeping parts of the truth from June. Maybe it will wash away after a shower.

Maybe he'll just deal with it later. That seems to be what Sophie was doing, just one thing at a time,

"Yeah yeah I'm coming!" shouts back June.

The girl gives her sweet goodbyes to the knitting old woman. June doesn't know exactly why, but she likes Mary Beth a lot.

The feeling is mutual as Mary Beth shoos her off fondly.

She'll be fine, the girl and her siblings will be fine. They're all nothing but kittens still but they a good breed, smart kiddos looking out for one another. June bug wasn't the sharpest, nor the steadiest but the girl had so much left to go and damn could she tie a mean knot.

Mary Beth couldn't deny that a part of her wanted to go with them, working guilt be damned. She couldn't though, the God in her heart told her that her place was where the weakest needed her. And those three, while weak in so many ways, were not the ones who needed the most looking out after.

There sure were a lot of women and children around the shelter parts.

An innocent herd.

The years have done little to whittle down her war sharpened senses. Mary Beth didn't need anyone telling her that eyes were a watchin. Strange ones. Evil ones.

It wasn't the monsoons that worried the woman, not nature that the Lord was telling her to take heed of.

The old woman smacked her lips and flipped open the bible that always was kept with her purse. Its pages worn, the leather dull from overuse, but the printed script read as bright as ever.

Acts 20:28-29

"Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood. "I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock."

There are savage wolves out there, hungry ones. When the time was right, they would hunt. With no shepherds, they would feast.

In the safety of daylight, the woman silently read the words to heart.

It was not the imaginary beasts in the distance that causes her soul to shudder. There were wolves everywhere, always were. Wolves in the streets, in the fields and even in church.

Wolves hiding as sheep.

Mary Beth prays for the wisdom to guide her, for the strength to carry her to as far as she needed to be.

Prays for June bug, so young in her growth and that she may find her ends.

Prays for the boy. For Matthew in his steadiness, prays for his fraying threads and that he may keep good and well in his path.

Prays that whatever it was that was hiding under the eldest girl's seemingly soft fair skin, that it would be a righteous creature. That evil not win, but rather sharpen her. She prays the beast that must be inside that Sophie girl not eat her along with the rest.

Amen

An old woman goes right back to knitting and the day goes on.