Chapter 1- getting started is always the hardest

So when I asked myself "Why am I living?" , I did not know why but I knew I had to live somehow. So I decided the first step I need to take is to set up goals . Goals which I didn't have till now . But I guess I could do this next day. Right , tomorrow is supposed to be 1st of Jan. New Years ! Public holiday! And that means , tomorrow the schools are closed ! More peaceful and alone time for me . Yay.

Next day , I woke up , normal. I went to count trees, normal . came back to home , watched Tv, eat and slept , normal. I just wish my rest of my years will also remain peaceful as this day is, that has been my New Year resolution every year till now! And I was never disappointed. Alone and peaceful, that's right . That's what I want .

I completely forgot about setting up Goals and all those thoughts last night. Days went by , finding silence around me pleasing, enjoying my life . I don't think many people can understand this feeling of loneliness .It's amazing. Most of the people are trying to pull attention in their way by doing some crazy stuff . Why? Sometimes I even laugh secretly in the inside while thinking what these People are doing .

The thing about loneliness is that it seems scary to most of the people , but when they get used to it, they wanna be forever a part of it . When you are lonely , you can't feel hurt , you can't feel betrayed and no disappointments because there are no expectations. What am I saying? Just ignore me.

School - English classes - I was dozing off , watching outside of the window , counting the falling leaves from the trees. ".....Goals?" I stood up shouting "Goals!" because I heard someone mention it on the background music. The English Teacher looked at me and asked "Yes , Goals. You know , what you wanna be and stuff. Tell me , what's your goal in your life?" I thought and a moment later , I replied "got none" with an innocent face . Damn! How could I forget to set goals . I will immediately do it tonight . After I was heard saying that I got no goals, everybody started whispering to each other about something . I just thought they were having a conversation about Lunch because it was lunch time soon and sat done .

Bell Ring Sound ! Everybody went to the outside of the classroom whereas I was sitting , watching outside of the window , counting the fallen leaves.

I arrived home, made me noodles to eat . Put a headband on my forehead , took a Pencil and started setting up goals . 30 minutes later . After a long interior monologue, I decided on two goals . First goal was to do everything I can to secure a carefree life in my later years. Second goal was to keep focusing and never give up on my first goal. Well, while I am doing so much, might as well take care of the family while I am at it. After deciding on my goals , I was getting dizzy, so I decided to sleep.

It was Saturday , 11 in the morning when I woke up. I brushed my teeth , lazily. Sometimes I wonder if somebody could lift up the brush and brush my teeth for me because picking it up and moving it around , I find it very taxing in my reserved Energy, which can be used later in a meaningful way to count all the fallen leaves before I fall a sleep. I even sometimes keep sitting in the bathroom because I find it very energy consuming to get up and come out. Following, I ate my breakfast in the afternoon , lazily because to lift the spoon and bringing it to my mouth costs Energy. Sometimes, I even thought of inventing an automatic spoon which fills the food in the spoon and feeds me . I guess this could be added to my goals.

On second thought , never mind . it takes energy to do that.

So to reach my goal of carefree life in later years , I thought of improving my physical capabilities first because there are lot of news in the Articles lately about how old people are dying lately because if their insufficient physical capabilities or stress. So I created a set of routines for me to follow in the evening : (i) wake up early . (ii) no phones. (iii) Exercise . (iv) meditate. (v) take a cold shower . (vi) eat healthy food. (vii) Read. (viii) go to bed early. At this point I thought, this should be enough to be healthy forever, at least that's what the Health related websites claim. Let's just see how it goes.

Well, it says go to bed early. It's 9 in Night already. I should go to sleep. Man, what I Great Person I am , a Good citizen, always following rules and routines.

Next day , I woke up , normal. I went to school, normal . came back to home , eat and slept , normal. I completely forgot about "Goals and Routines " from last night. Days went by , finding silence around me pleasing, enjoying my life . Silently, weeks went by.