35 made a promise

It was a cold morning. Leaves and trees were covered in dew, road damp from the light pour of rain that just stopped. Renjun arrived in Jaemin's room, hair sticking lightly on the petite boy's forehead and evidently damp. Jaemin sighed and tossed Renjun a towel from his bedside table before slumping back down on his cot, clutching his diary as he scribbled a few more words.

Renjun caught the towel on time before having it fall to the ground. The boy muttered thanks before slowly approaching Jaemin, his hands patting the towel to his hair dry. Renjun could sense an ominous aura around the brunet. Noticing how the boy didn't bother to greet him in his cheery tone like he usually would, he knew something was off.

Renjun hummed inaudibly, pulling the chair towards Jaemin's bed before taking a seat down in front of the boy.

"You're not telling me something that I should know, am I right?"

Jaemin shook his head gently, gaze faltered on the ground as he shut his diary close before setting it aside. Renjun sighed, hands falling to his lap.

"Jaemin, you know I can tell when something's wrong.. Come on, I can handle it. Whatever it may be."

Jaemin huffed in defeat, gaze finally meeting Renjun's own dark pair of orbs. He fiddled with his fingers nervously as he immediately averted his gaze, finding it suddenly hard to stare back.

"It's nothing too serious.. It's just that, I've been thinking a lot lately. Ever since I had my appointment with my doctor to talk about my therapy, I couldn't help but worry. I know it's been years already, but it still frightens me. The idea of it, the pain, the feeling. It scares me, Injun."

Renjun softened. He stood up from his seat and sat on the edge of Jaemin's bed instead before pulling Jaemin close to him, embracing the brunet into his arms.

"Oh, Nana.. I know how hard it can be. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. But it's normal for you to still feel that way despite having experienced it for some time now. Some things are just inevitable. Feeling like this is inevitable. Nana.. If only I could take away some of the burden you're carrying, I would take it with no hesitation at all. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's not easy as it sounds, but I want you to be strong, Nana. I want you to be okay."

"What if I can never be okay again, Injun? What if.. Just what if, I don't have any chance to be okay, to be happy, to be normal again? What if all of that will be nothing but a dream only? A dream that I will never be able to accomplish, ever."

Renjun fell silent, he was at loss for words. He does not have the answers to Jaemin's questions, and he couldn't do anything to keep the brunet from breaking any further. All he was capable of doing was to offer the boy a shoulder to cry on and arms that can give warmth to the boy's trembling body. Jaemin was shaking, but he wasn't crying. Perhaps he felt too hurt and sad to even feel at this point. To even produce tears.

"Renjun.."

Jaemin muttered under his breath, barely even making it audible for Renjun to hear.

"Hm?"

"Can you help me see Jeno? I don't think I can go there on my own."

Jaemin feebly answers. Renjun looked at him in surprise, wondering what could have come to Jaemin's senses to want to see someone he barely knew.

"Why would you want to see Jeno?"

"I promised. I promised Jeno."