4 diary

I wonder how Renjun managed to find you, my dear diary.

It's been so long. The last time I saw you was five years ago. So many things happened within those years. I lost you after I was discharged from this place. I am so sorry! It's such a shame that I didn't get to keep record of all the moments I went through while you were nowhere to be found, diary. I hope I don't lose you again. You're the only one who I can rely on when there's no one to keep me company.

Renjun haven't visited me for three days already. I guess he's really busy with school. Speaking of school, I miss going to school. It's been so long since the last time I wrote something with a pen, my penmanship has turned worse. But that doesn't really matter, I guess? I mean, no one is going to read you other than me anyways. It's not like I'm planning to let anyone read you, either. But it sort of makes me feel insecure. Hmpf. I know my penmanship was never the best. But still! Renjun must have been burdened with trying to find you for me, too. I feel bad for asking him that favor now. Honestly, I thought he already forgot about it, since I asked him about it on the year I was admitted back into this place. That was five years ago! Who would've thought that guy was still in search of my diary just because I asked him? Renjun is seriously amazing, and ridiculous. He's amazing, but he's more on the ridiculous side. Pfft. Don't tell him I said anything bad about him, though. I just hope I can make it up to him when he finally gets the chance to visit me again. I miss him already.

There's nothing much good to tell for my case, honestly. I don't know if I'm getting any better or not. If I was, shouldn't I be out of this place already? I try my best to not think about such thoughts but I can't help it, especially at late nights when I can't fall asleep because I feel like I'll get into another episode any time soon. Sometimes I can't help but to think if the people from this place are doing their best to heal me or they are actually using me to test on stuffs. You know, like I'm an experiment? I heard it's a thing in some parts of the world thanks to Renjun. I don't think it's impossible here. It happens in other countries, so this place is no exception, right?

Signed, Na Jaemin.