Supernatural gift or curse

I was dead... or atleast i think i am kinda honestly after getting hit by a truck and being dragged around with mangeled limbs an a mind numbing pain and then everything goes dark and then it was like someone turned on the lights and here infront of me was this thing and it was talking and i was completely ignoreing it and just being Junshook thinking wow im dead and you know the more fucked up thing my puppy is sitting right next to me on the leash that. she died being chained to and here i am trying to ignore existance itself

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" ...hellooo hello miss Sahara!, Sahara hellooo we need to talk about what gonna happen next! you know the Afterlife your afterlife!!!"

i being the human with a melted braid said the most intelligent answer known to man, " huh?"

and the poor supernatural being just face desks because face palms arnt good enough for this type of stupidity and with a tired sigh he repeats what he has been trying to say for the last 5 to 10 minutes or so ...

hello my name is Astor Valentine and welcome to the afterlife where are we seek to bring you a dead human happiness whether it is by heaven hell or reincarnation. simply speaking but dont be too hopeful now you need to pay your way through death too after all the after life isn't free! what we do here is discuss your finances such as whether you will go to paradise the eternal vacation also known as heaven, hell a place for punishment for pissing off the higher ups or to pay for reincarnation, or well heaven, and then there is reincarnation where you still have to pay for it too you dummy! ;)

how do you pay you ask well you just need KaPs also known as karma points and how do you get them well there are multiple ways though how may not be how you think 😜

to get some KaPs we as in your helpful Blehh blehhs chalk up how amusing your life was and if you were special and of course your achievements and then we look at the rules and what not and so in and so forth anyway and the second way to gain emm is to work in hell and become a servant for 100 years or so because there is no sense of time here anyway and then lastly there is reincarnation where you have to die with a fun life to not be a slave for eternity and of course there is a time limit for being in heaven so dont fuck it up buttercup ! 😉

Also a little bit of advice ... dont be an eternal virgin becuase that is just sad and we deduct points for that unless there is some kind of reasoning like if you are a hideous or somethin but who gives a fuck right after all in every universe there will be that one person that will atleast really like you but you will have to work for it! 😏

Sahara : 😥 "woot? - - - "

anyway as a new soul ... kinda you get your first reincarnation free or a year in paradise or we send you to hell for awhile anyway lets take a look at your record to see if you are 'worthy' for this once in an afterlife experience 😉

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hnnnnnnnnnnn ..... well kid you had a fucked up life didn't you with 47 close death experiences with truck kun... being set on fire while cooking bacon... being bitch slapped by your mom with a chancla for touching the cookie, well atleast you got to grab that once even if you are still young you little pervert you grabbing your best freinds ass in 2nd grade and fuck did your dog have bad luck rest its poor reincarnated soul also did i tell you all animals automatically get reincarnated for free ... lucky bitch....

anyway you have a total of 71 KaPs for your 'puppy luck' and well overall amusing life and also being nice to the god joe, god of Powerade and MnM's 😘.

by the way joe said Hi and gave you 50 of those KaPs you have you idiot 😏

anyway the cost to reincarnate is exactly 20 KaPs the cost to got to paradise or heaven is 50 per year or 4 and 2 tenths or KaPs per month and the cost to got to hell and work is 10 KaPs and to not be a hobo is 1 KaPs every 2 months and you earn .6 of a KaPs per month so yahh you will be working a long long time if you chose that route! 😅

and then there is selling yourself as a slave for 1000 years or so ...😅

so what is your choice former meat sack? are you going to yeeet yourself off to heaven get bitchslapped in hell or Nope yourself in reincarnation what will it be you choose? 😉

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