1 Starting to Move on Without Him

There were so many types of love, and yet the one she had—she had already given it up. For she thought it was useless to love someone that she couldn't have. That she would always be the little girl he had picked up out of curiosity, never because he felt something for her.

Ten years ago, she was just an orphaned girl who had lost her voice due to a traumatic event. Even now, she was tormented by the nightmare, always reminding her of what she had lost and what she couldn't have anymore. There's nothing to be cherished, to be loved, or to be protected. She accepted her miserable fate. Long ago, she had already given up the will to live until she met him.

Rays of moonlight beamed through the windows of the master bedroom. Dark hair splayed across the pale skin illuminated by the light. Her eyelashes twitched slightly as the lids began to open. She groaned softly as she tried to shut her eyes again, trying to get more sleep. Her dream was so good she didn't want to wake up to the harsh reality waiting for her. In her wildest fantasy, she never went so far with him—never letting herself love him with everything she had.

Ririna dreaded to wake up alone, having to leave in short hours… leaving him behind. Her heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again, but she had come to her final decision. There's nothing else for her to do now. She had to leave; staying with him would only cause more troubles and heartache. Not now that she had someone to protect: her unborn child.

Brown eyes opened slightly, her irises adjusting to the light around her, as her head lifted slightly from the soft pillows. Her eyes widened at the sight of him, her heart wondering why she couldn't help but love him even more. His face was so peaceful, unlike when he was awake—cold and unforgiving. Looking at him, she tried to memorize every detail of his face. This could be the last time she would be with him.

She knew she's nothing without him; but with her current status, she's not worthy to be with him. Why would he turn to her? Only because he had physical needs to satisfy? How could she even say no when, deep down in her heart, she wanted him to notice her? Now, she was pregnant with his child—an unwanted child.

Ririna knew that the moment he found out that she's carrying his bastard child, he would force her to abort it. She was nothing but another woman to warm his bed after all. This broke her heart. She had loved him since she was young. Silly, because at first, she thought it was just the kind of love given to a savior; but whenever she saw him with another woman, her heart felt like it was punched out from her chest and pierced with a thousand needles. She couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't stand being close to him but not being with him. She was like a child pinning on something she couldn't have. Her foolishness led her to getting pregnant, unloved… unwanted. A young woman of eighteen already on the edge of her sanity.

A bitter smile fleeted across her lips as unshed tears started to stain her cheeks. Slowly, she moved away from him and made her way to the edge of the bed, her eyes looking away from the man she had learned to love these past years. Her hands reached down to gather her discarded clothes and clutched them to her bare chest. Giving him one last look, she silently slipped away from his bedroom, knowing that there's no place for her to stay now that she's pregnant. Moreover, he would be getting married to someone else very soon.

--

A loud buzzing sound echoed through the room, earning a soft groan from the woman as she rolled over to her side to press the snooze button of her alarm clock. Her hand retracted to the warmth of the sheets, providing her comfort and satisfaction. Her body moved to the other side of the bed; her heart slightly saddened at the thought of being alone. She wasn't surprised that there was no other occupant besides her; there hadn't been one for five years since she had left his side.

Ririna sighed as she suddenly remembered her memories of him, torturing herself once again. There was no point in remembering the past since she had another priority to work on. She believed the death of her mother years ago was not as simple as a robbery turned homicide. She knew someone was behind her sudden death. She knew someone was still after her, especially now that she had left Eli's side. Faking her death when she was younger wasn't easy, but if someone pursued to find the truth behind her mother's death, it would also place her child in danger.

"Mommy?"

With a gentle smile slipping to her lips at the childish voice, her head turned to peek at the small boy standing by her door. His dark brown eyes were looking at her, his tiny hand clutching his favorite white-rabbit stuffed toy.

"Good morning, baby," Ririna murmured, smiling back at her child. "Let Mommy sleep a little more, please?"

"No," the boy whined as he walked towards his mother, his feet taking him closer to the side of her bed and his tiny hand pulling the sheets gently. "Get up, Mommy! You promised we will have our date today."

She rolled to the other side of the bed, trying to tease the child once again. The little boy pouted and decided to join his mother on the bed. Getting under the sheets he started to tickle his mommy's waist with his chubby little fingers. His mother squirmed under his touch, turned around to face him, and tickled him on his sides. The room was filled with laughter and warmth.

"Okay, that's enough," Ririna said, her hands gently rubbing his cheeks and placing a kiss on his forehead. "Let's have a light breakfast, and then we'll get dressed and…"

"We're going to play at the park?" Her child's eyes sparkled with anticipation.

"Later, hunny. We need to do some shopping." She smiled at him, kissing him once again, as she picked him up under the arms and put him back on the floor. Her bare feet touched down as she slipped her white robe around her arms and shoulders, tying it on her waist. Following her excited child down for breakfast, she took the new newspaper on the coffee table and turned towards the kitchen to prepare the child's breakfast.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Can I have some pancakes and bacon, please?"

"Then pancakes and bacon it is," she announced as she started preparing the items needed for breakfast. After serving the cooked pancakes and bacon to her child, Ririna poured milk on his favorite cup, placing it in front of him. The little boy's face was delighted to see his favorites. She returned to her coffee mug and took her place beside her son at the table, flipped open the newspaper, and read the articles and stories while listening to her son's requests for the day's schedule. Her smile faltered instantly at the sight of the latest article under the business section, the picture of a businessman on the sheet all too familiar to her. Everything seemed to be the same about him as if time forgot to make changes to his appearance.

"Mommy?"

Ririna looked up at her son, instantly closed the paper in her hands, and tried to smile normally at him.

"What is it, baby?" she asked softly, her hand playing with his dark locks and noticing the similarities of her child's appearance to his father.

"Something wrong, Mommy?"

"Oh, no. Nothing, baby. Mommy is just checking some news for her job, alright?" She hated it when she needed to lie to her child; nonetheless, she couldn't come up saying it was about his father. He's out of her life. She already decided to move on. It was a bit selfish, but the need to protect her son was way more important than nursing her bleeding heart.