CHAPTER 35

Y/N

Stopped. I felt like my breath stopped for a moment.

My head couldn't process what he said. I told him I loved him? He knew it since then? It didn't make sense, any of it. My head started aching as I tried to remember that night or when I pictured him ignoring me all those days. He knew it. He knew.

I put one hand on my heart. It ached. It ached a lot. I felt embarrassed, humiliated.

"Y/n are you okay? I'm really sorry. Let me help you." I noticed his hands on my shoulder. I sat on the sofa again.

I covered my face with my hands, crying. I didn't want him to see me like that.

"Please, go away, Jin." I said, between sobs.

"No, not again. Please, let me talk to you, let me made it up to you. I know you're mad, but I can explain myself. I can explain everything, just please, let me talk to you." He sounded desperate.

No, I wasn't mad, I was embarrassed. "I'm not mad. Please, leave before my mum get home." I begged, my hands still in my face.

"I won't do the same thing again, you need to know-"

"Please, I'm feeling so embarrassed right now. Just let me alone."

After that, I didn't hear anything, but I knew he was still there. I took those minutes to focus on my breath, to calm down.

"Can you look at me, please?" Seokjin asked, softly. I shook my head.

"Let me help you get to your room, I don't want your mother to see you like this when she arrives." I stayed still. I doubted, but nodded.

"You first, I don't want you to look at me."

"Okay, I won't look."

I sat at the end of my bed, Jin next to me.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed, it's me, Jin." I let out a giggle. Sometimes he was so clueless.

"That's the whole reason I feel like this. Because it's you." I said, looking at the ceiling. He let out a short "Ah" before it went silent.

We spent a half an hour, more or less, in silence.

"Why you didn't tell me?" My mind was still full of questions, but I was feeling better at the moment.

"I was scared, but at the same time I didn't know my feelings, not at all. I thought you would remember it, but you didn't. I thought if I told you so our friendship would be ruined forever-"

"I thought the same." I cut him, but I looked at him and he kept talking.

"That's why I acted like that, I was scared and you... you were so clueless. I'm so sorry. I mean it."

"Don't worry, now it's all in the past, I think..." I bit my bottom lip, staring at the floor. "We can be friends, but I need some time."

"Yeah, about that, you need to know something." I looked at him, intrigued. "I- What I feel for you- you need to know it and-"

"I know." I said, looking at the floor, again.

"You know?" He sounded nervous.

"Yeah, of course. You only see me as a friend, nothing more, and it's okay. I think... I think I also see you as a friend now. Yeah, I do. I think you only were a random crush, a one that is destined to be nothing more than it. And it's okay. You'll be in Korea soon, I'll keep with my university classes. Everything will return as its own place, but we can be still friends, right?" I said. I giggled, but my eyes were full of tears again.

"Y/n... no, it's not like that. Please let me explain." His eyes were also watering, why he looked like he was going to cry?

"No, it's okay. You don't need to explain anything." I shook my head, smiling, but crying at the same time. "We can be friends, right?" He didn't say anything. "Right, Jin?" He looked at the floor, a few minutes later he looked at me again.

If then he had tears in his eyes, it weren't visible anymore. "Okay. Let's be friends." He said, with no emotions at all.

"Okay..." I said.

"I should go home now." He said, standing up.

"Mhm." I saw how he walked towards the door. He looked at me one more time, before he closed it. Why my heart was aching, if everything was supposed to be right?

*

The days went faster than I wanted. We celebrated Jungkook and Namjoon's birthday at their house, some friends came. I didn't talk much with Seokjin, I was feeling that something wasn't right, but whenever I asked him, he said everything was fine.

It was the day, they were leaving. My friends and I were at their house, saying our goodbyes.

"I'll miss you, so much, Y/n-ah." Hoseok said. I hugged him, tightly. "Rember to send me postcards, I'll do the same. Also a lot of letters, okay?"

"Yeah, I promise." I said. He kissed my forehead, before looking at me in the eyes. He caressed my cheeks with his thumbs.

When he left to say goodbye to the others, I saw Jungkook kissing Zoe's cheek. They were cute. Seconds after, Jungkook hugged me. I could feel his tears in my shoulder. I caressed his back. "I'll miss you Kookie." I said. Jungkook couldn't stop crying. He started crying as soon as we put a foot in their house.

"I- I'll also miss you Y/n, so much." He cried. "I'm your best friend, okay? Remember that. If someone asks you who's your best friend, say my name." He said. I laughed at his comment. He was also one of my best friends. He and Hoseok.

After that I went to Yoongi, who was sitting in the stairs. "I want to say goodbye to my not favourite boy. Can I?" I tried not to laugh.

"I was waiting for you, I actually reserved you the last place, is it okay for you?"

"Of course is okay, you dummy." I laughed. "Come here." I said, extending my arms.

He hugged me. "I love you silly." He said, giggling.

"I love you too, Yoonie."

After I said goodbye to Namjoon, and thank him for everything he had done for me, I went to Taehyung. He had said goodbye to Ashley.

"Take care, okay?" He caressed my head. I nodded, but I started crying as soon as he hugged me.

"I'll miss you so much. What will I do now without my brother?" I cried.

He caressed my back, mumbling soft "shh" every now and then. "We'll keep calling each other as we usually did, okay? Soon we'll see each other again, you'll see."

"Still. I wanted to spend more time with you." He giggled, but I knew he had tears in his eyes as well.

After that, Jin came. It was a little awkward, we didn't say anything, just stared at each other for a few seconds.

"Goodbye, Jin." I waved my hand, not knowing what to do.

"Goodbye, Y/n-ah." He also waved at me, but seconds later he hugged me.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." He said, breaking the hug. Everyone was outside, waiting for Seokjin. He started walking away. A few tears streaming down my face.

He turned himself. I frowned. Was he forgetting something? He walked towards me, my heart beat increased. He stopped in front of me. He got closer to my ear, before whispering,

"Don't forget me."

He walked away, not turning around.

What was that supposed to mean?

If I had listened to him that day in my room, maybe things would have been different...

THE END OF PART 1