12 Chapter 12

=//A.N, Read the authors note that is somewhere in the middle///

"I hate this so much." I hear my mothers voice tell my father. My father smirks down at her, one hand on her waist and the other interlocked with hers. "Us dancing or just being here?"

"Little bit of both." My mother mutters.

"Oh please, someone else would be begging to be in your….heels right now." He jests.

"That's the problem." My mother cuts off as the dance had them spin away from each other.

"I'm not someone else." She finishes.

"No you are not." My father smiles at her, the first smile I've seen in the memories I've been having, It's not his usual smirk.

"I see Robertolo Vandace." My mother tells him, looking over my fathers shoulder at a porky man with a plate in his left, a fork and a scotch drink in his right, he was laughing joyously at something another man said.

"What will be our plan of action this time?"

"I'll go up to him and make small talk, introduce you as my husband, and then nonchalantly bring up the King, wondering wear he is or that we saw him before this, maybe he just likes to enter fashionably late, you get the gist right?"

"Yeah." He agrees, we spin away one last time and now bow to each other, I fake smile at him and he holds is arm out so I can take it. We walk over to the bar, faking to be enjoying each other's company, and makes it beside Robertolo. I lightly nudge Robertolo with with elbow.

"Oh, I am so sorry! I keep forgetting what shoes I am wearing." I act, smiling innocently at him.

"Oh no, it's perfectly fine deary, I do the same all the time." He smiles kindly at my mother.

"You are so kind Sir, I am Annaleece Vangue, and this is my husband, Danieral Vangue."

"Very nice to meet you, I am Robertolo Vandace." He says, holding his hand out in greeting. My mother shakes his hand, and then my father does. "I wonder where the King is, he left just after us." My mother states nonchalantly, more to my father.

"Zander? He usually has a flare for dramatics, he'll show up fashionably late as he liked to put it." Robertolo tells us with a flick of his hand, we laugh at his statement.

"That does sound like him." My father laughs out.

"How do you two know the King?"

"We have been guests at the palace for three months now, the royal family is quite amazing." My mother says, acting sincere.

"Aren't they? You know, after every Monterplier Gala, me and Zander would go hunting the very next morning, ahh, I love it."

"Really? Where do you guys hunt?" My father asks, leaning closer to Robertolo.

"Why? You guys aren't going to steal our lucky spot now, are you?" He jest, elbowing my father in a joking manner.

"Oh, we wouldn't dream of it, my wife and I just love hunting and we have our own little spot where we live also."

"Really, you both hunt?"

"Yes, in fact I dare say that my wife is better than me!" My father jokes, My mother smiles, but on the inside she was wondering why in the world is he doing this.

"Oh hush honey, let's not give away all of my secrets now, shall we?" My mother says, going along with it. Robertolo smiles drunkenly, feeling the wave of alcohol hit him hard.

"But to answer your question, we have a little spot a few miles west of the palace wall, the one that has the secret entrance, we set up in a little trench we had dug a few years before. But a week ago, we had been hunting from dawn till noon, Zander decided to hunt a few more hours because I had to get home, I haven't heard from him since. That's not like him, he usually sends notice as soon as he wishes to hunt again."

"The king has been extremely busy these last couple of days." My mother says somberly. "What he's been going through and then ruling a country on top of that."

"Oh yes, but let's be honest.-" He stops dramatically, leaning in towards my mother and father, whispering. "-the queen is the one really doing all of the ruling." He laughs like he just told the funniest joke ever and leans his head all the way back, holding his belly with the scotch glass still in his hand. Once they all stop laughing, well, my mother and father fake laughing, my father holds out his hand for Robertolo again.

"Well, it was extremely nice meeting you Sir. Vandace, I wish to converse with you soon, but my wife and I are headed home." He states in a low voice.

"The nights only begun! Here, have a drink." Robertolo hands a Champagne flute towards my mother.

"We would have to decline the offer, see, my wife is with child, and drinking alcohol makes her a little ill."

"Oh, well congratulations!! Not to the feeling ill part, but I can tell you will be great parents."

= = = = = = = =

I sat up after opening my eyes. The last sentence fresh in my head. I reach over to my nightstand and grab the dream journal, I write everything I remember, trying to act professional for myself, but on the inside, I feel intense longing for my parents, it tugs at my gut so hard that I have to curl in to get away from the sensation. I feel a tear run down my cheek, I haven't allowed myself to cry since their last memory of me was of me crying while watching them die.

I close my eyes and shake my head, getting rid of the tears built up behind my eyes. I bottle up my emotions and get up, acting like everything was fine.

I peel back the curtain of my window, sitting on the lounge-chair, curling my legs into my chest, fighting the tugging feeling of longing and misery.

- - - -

I had watched the sky darken and lighten a little, as there was no day, but I noticed the sky got a little bit lighter as the early hours arrived.

There was a knock on my door, I weakly turn to look at the general direction of my main door, but that was about it, I couldn't will myself to move from my curled up position on the chair. My emotions were out of my control for the first time in 13 years. I close my eyes and put my forehead on my knees, trying to control the nausea of the bottled-up emotions trying to release.

The knock sounded again, I didn't move, I physically couldn't. My body was in a state of grief that constricted me like a boa constrictor.

"Miss Valakia? Are you alright?" I hear a worried Benjamin ask. I opened my mouth to respond but no sound came out. At most a tiny whisper, I could feel myself start to panic from unknown reasons to me, my chest clenched up, my throat constricted, I couldn't control anything, even the tapping on my forehead, cheeks and chest did nothing. "Miss Isla, I'm coming in!" I hear. I couldn't focus, I had to restrain myself from hitting my head, my hands clenched at my knees, I make my hands fists and hit them against each other, having no control whatsoever.

I was having a panic attack, this wasn't uncommon for me, but this one at this intensity always freaked me out even more. "Miss Isla?" I hear, the doors to my bedroom open, and I see a very worried Benjamin looking at me. I open my mouth, but no words come out, my breathing was extremely heavy, I clenched my fists tighter. I could taste the copper metallic taste of my blood. "Oh dear." I hear him mutter before he runs out of the room.

I pull at my hair, trying to distract my brain from…something. So, I did the only thing I could think of, sing a song my mother always sang to me before bed, at holidays, every occasion basically.

//A.N// (I want this singing to be deep and soulful, I want it to seem that it's physically/mentally hurting her to sing, this is really deep for me because I sing whenever I have panic attacks, this is my experiences, do not say this is wrong, please, enjoy the song./////

I've heard there was a secret chord,

That David played, and it pleased the Lord,

But you don't really care for music do ya?

Well it goes like this, the fourth the fifth, the minor fall the major lift,

The baffled King Composing Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah-- I take a breath, it coming in ragged breaths.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

I skip a verse, because I like the third one better, it speaks to me more.

And Love is not a victory march! I sing as powerfully as I can.

I take another ragged breath, singing the next verse that I love.

Well maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love,

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. I restrain from hitting my head, clenching my fists instead.

It's a COLD and it's a BROKEN hallelujah, I skip again, getting to the lyrics I loved the most. Trying to belt out the key words in the song.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

I uncurl myself from my curled in position, my breathing still ragged, but I was mentally drained, I couldn't function. I look to my window, The moon was bright, and now shimmering through my wet pupils. I wiggle my middle fingers, seeing I could somewhat control them. I move to my toes, and then I flex my legs and arms, clenching my abs at the same time. I slowly slip off the chase and stand up, not being able to stay on more second sitting down.

I put my head in my hands, silently screaming in my head.

"You have a beautiful voice." I hear an extremely soft voice state. I snap my head up and stare up into familiar deep blue eyes. Xavier stood in my doorway looking extremely awkward. His eyes were looking into my soul, his face somber and worrisome. He looked as if he had been wrenched out of his morning activities, he had a black robe on with white baggy sleep pants, covering his hairy body.

'He can't see me like this.'

"Please get out." I whisper, not having my usual strength in my words. I walk to the wall beside my nightstand, turning around, shoving my back against the wall, looking up also, so that the top of my head was resting on the wall.

"What happened?" He asks softly, walking into my bedroom. I don't look at him, just keep staring at the white ceiling.

"Nothing unusual." I mutter.

"This has happened before?" He asks, walking one step closer.

"You cannot see me like this." I murmur, more to myself, but he hears.

"Why?"

"I'm the daughter of the strongest and most powerful people in the history of our country. I cannot afford to be seen as vulnerable." I mutter, sinking down the wall, my legs not holding me up anymore.

"It doesn't make you vulnerable." Xavier tells me, squatting down so he's at my level.

"Then what does it make me?" My lip quivers, threatening to expel tears.

"Human." He tells me, smiling sadly, knowing my pain. I scoff. If that's what being human is, then I'm not one. I think, not letting my thoughts voice.

"When I was a boy, my father was kidnapped." My brain perks up at him sentence, but my knees slump, weak from exertion.

"He was kidnapped just after a hunting trip, he was gone for five weeks." Xavier breaks, leaning on his butt, sitting criss cross applesauce. (You know, the thing you did in like kindergarten?)

"During that time, my mother had to act that everything was normal, she had to work triple time for the country." My head slips forward, watching him with interest.

"She fell into a pit, she wasn't acting like the caring mother I had grew up with. When my father was found, he also had changed, he wasn't my father, he was a cold hearted, stone fisted bastard." He spits the word 'bastard.'

For some reason my body wanted to put my head in his lap, needing comfort and hoping it would comfort Xavier also. I restrain myself for now.

"This went on for years, my mother and father grew further and further apart, only seeing each other for meetings and producing children." I close my eyes, still paying attention, just my eyes felt so heavy.

"The twins were about eight months at this time, Me and my brother were nineteen, almost of age." I turn around, not fighting my body's wishes, leaning back and placing my head in the King's lap. I look up into his blue eyes brimming in confusion and happiness. I weakly smile at him, inviting him to continue.

"I walked in on my father murdering my mother." My eyes bulge, understanding him correctly.

"I ran out of the room before I saw anything else, and before my father saw me, but I ran into my younger twin brother, I told him what was happening, and told him to get the guards and I'll grab Benjamin." I feel his paw-like hand start petting my hair that was on his leg.

"Zander acted like he was freaked out, and then like a switch, he turned it off and stabbed me with his dagger, my father had given us matching sets two years prior, I fell to the floor, I can't exactly remember what he said, I was high on shock by then, but he wasn't my brother. He ran into the room and came out with my father. They fled through the back entrance, leaving no evidence beside my mothers dead body and me."

"I called every single authority and detective, hiring them to find my father and brother, one came back with proof that they both killed themselves, come to find out, the detective that came back with the evidence was none other than your uncle, right hand man of my fathers secret organization. I was going to call your parents, but come to find out they 'went off the grid' four years prior." He spits, I knew what 'went off the grid' meant, it meant that they died.

"Do you think it's a possibility that my uncle killed my parents?" I whisper, my voice breathy.

"It's a high possibility." He tells me.

"I met my uncle three times, the first time was on a holiday, I can't remember which one, but he demanded that I was sent with him to train at an elite assassin school. The second time he came and tried to take my fathers inheritance, and the third, if my theory is correct, is when he murdered my parents in front of my eyes." I whisper to him.

"I guess we are more alike than we thought." Xavier whispers down at me, playing with my hair, his claws feeling nice tracing my scalp lightly.

"Yeah, I guess we are." I mutter, looking at the ceiling. laying calmly in his lap.

We stay like this for a few minutes, him playing with my hair, me enjoying it, until I finally tell him, "Thank you."

"For what?" He asks, confused.

"For being here." I mutter, smiling softly up at him.

"Then I guess I need to thank you also."

"Why?"

"For treating me like a human being, not a beast, not a king, just Xavier."

"You are very welcome Xavier." I try to get back into my normal happy personality, but it was too soon. So, I ended with a lame smile that couldn't fall off of my face.