18 Chapter seventeen :)

Louis couldn't believe what just happened, what happened to Harry. He felt bad that he didn't notice earlier, how could someone do something like that to Harry? There were so many questions in Louis' head but he wasn't sure if it was right to ask Harry about it, but he couldn't just sit there and play pretend.

"Your nightmare yesterday, do you have them often?" Louis asked carefully turning his head to the right side to see if Harry was about to talk about it or not. They sat on his bed Leaning against the wall drinking the tea Niall had made them.

Harry just stared straight ahead into the air nodding slowly. Now that Louis knew the truth anyway it didn't make sense to lie about it anymore or even denied it. And because Louis didn't call him a liar it wasn't that hard to talk about it anymore.

It still hurt, but not the way it did before. "Every time something reminds me of it, or him. He used to be my best and only friend," Harry explained whispering, his voice still shook. "We did everything together we were almost like brothers-" He stopped taking a deep breath in "But as I told him that I was- you know gay, he started distancing," Even tho his voice was shaking Harry felt absolutely nothing. (Emotional wise)

Harry cleared his throat to get rid of the pain that came up when he talked "And he- he told me I am disgusting and that no one would ever love me. I told him to leave me alone and then o-" Harry closed his eyes and took another deep breath before he continued "one day when my parents left for diner, he- he came over to talk."

Louis intertwined their fingers, it was so hard listening to what Harry had gone through it made Louis tear up but he swallowed it he needed to be strong for him. It was the only thing he could do for him right now. "But he wasn't about to talk."

"And she didn't believe you?" Harry just shook his head biting his lip. "But what about your dad?" There must be at least one person that was there for him while that time. "After I told my mom he went to Thailand for work and- well, he never came back"

"Since then I have those nightmares." He added whispering squeezing Louis' hand tighter. "Sometimes I have not a single one for weeks but then there are times I have them every day." A tear dropped out of his eye but not because he was sad he actually felt numb right now.

"What?! How long has this been going on?" Louis couldn't act natural, the boy he cared about more than probably anything else in the world woke up shaking and crying multiple times a week. And the fact that he couldn't do anything about it hurt in his chest."Two years."

Louis leaned his head back "Two years." He whispered to himself. "It's not that big of a deal, I got used to it."

"Used to it?!" Louis asked not believing that he just said that. How could someone live like that and actually think it wasn't a big deal? "Harry, I have seen you yesterday, and it didn't look like nothing. Is it every time like that?"

Harry could feel Louis look at him again. "Like what?". Louis put their cups next to the bed on the ground without letting go of the younger boy's hand. "That you wake up shaking not able to breathe evenly."

"And please don't lie to me Haz," Louis added because he knew that Harry would try to talk it off to make him feel better. There was no reason to lie anymore, he reminded himself. "No, usually it's worse." The pain of despair grew in Louis' chest.

"I stay up the whole night and cry. Sometimes I get panic attacks and I even passed out once. I actually don't know how I fell asleep that easy yesterday I expected to stay up all night." Harry never felt that numb in his whole life before it was like he was drowning but not able to move.

"And you're alone with all of this?!" It wasn't supposed to come out as loud as it did, but Louis was so filled with anger that it was impossible to stay calm. Harry just nodded, he had always been alone with it.

His lip started to tramble as he thought back at the nights he had to cry himself to sleep again. "Harry look at me," Louis begged but Harry just closed his eyes trying to keep the wave of feelings away as he felt Louis' warm hands on each side of his face turning it towards him.

He squeezed his eyes shut even harder, feeling Louis' breath brush his skin. "Harry?" He whispered holding Harry's face between his hands. He opened his eyes and looked straight into Louis' blue ones. "I want you to promise me something," Louis' voice broke "If you ever have a nightmare or feel like this again, I - I want you to call me! No matter what time it is Okay?"

Harry nodded thankfully without looking away from those beautiful eyes. "Promise it." Louis looked dead serious. "I promise," Harry whispered. Suddenly he felt a rough pain in his heart and knew he wasn't strong enough to hold all of his feelings inside. The wall broke and he burst into tears "I just want to forget everything."

Harry ended up with his head on Louis's belly. Louis laid his arm around Harry's shoulders, leaned his head back against the wall, and just let him cry. It broke Louis' heart to hear Harry cry like that, a few tears fell down his own cheek. Harry didn't deserve all of this pain. Louis thought. He was the nicest and kindest person he had ever met. If anyone deserved to be happy then it was him.

He started to play with Harry's hair until the sobbing got less after a while. His hair was soft and fun to play with. Louis wanted to do this for such long, he felt a little smile appear on his face as he noticed that Harry was holding the blue pillow and seemed to slowly drift to sleep "Thank you, Lou." He whispered after he yawned. He had completely stopped crying by now.

Harry's head got heavier and breathing slower "Sleep well Haz," Louis whispered with a smile of relief on his face. It was already after midnight and Louis felt how tired he was. He put his arm around Harry's shoulder again just before he closed his eyes and fell asleep as well.

****

Louis woke up from the brightness of the sunlight shining onto his face. His heartbeat was rushing as he saw Harry's head resting on his chest, his right arm laying across Louis' belly gripping his shirt. He looked so peaceful and adorable in his sleep that it put a smile on Louis' face when he ran his forefinger over the back of Harry's hand.

His curls covered half of his face, snoring quietly, it reminded Louis of a baby kitten. He decided to continue reading 'You get so alone at times'. Now that he knew about Harry's past the little notes he had taken every once in few pages made sense to him.

He grabbed the pencil from the bedside taking a quick note right next to one of Harry's. After one hour of reading, he put the book down and started playing with Harry's hair. He was still sleeping but he had stopped snoring which meant he was about to wake up.

It was so quiet Louis could hear the pattern of Harry's slow breathing. "Haz?" He whispered, slowly stroking his cheek. "It's already noon." Harry rubbed his eyes slowly. "what?" He asked in his deep morning voice still half asleep.

"I said it's already noon." Louis smiled still playing with Harry's curls. Suddenly Harry lifted his head off of Louis' chest "I'm sorry I-I didn't meat to uh-" He scratched the back of his head embarrassed. Louis noticed how Harry's cheeks started blushing. "No it's ok it was actually very comfy."

"Do you feel a little better?" He asked serious sitting up. Harry yawned covering his face with his hands letting himself fall backwards into the pillows next to Louis. "Exhausted, ugh" He murmured in his pillow and pulled the blanket above his head.

"I'm serious Haz." Louis pulled at the blanket. "Yes, I do." He murmured. Louis pulled the blanket harder "stop it, Lou." Harry pulled it back. Louis chuckled and pulled again. "Hey!" Harry's grip around the blanket tightened.

Louis got up and almost pulled Harry out of the bed "Lou, I wanna sleep." Harry chuckled. That's what Louis wanted to see. But it wasn't enough he wanted to see Harry's bright smile. "I want to see your smile." Harry thrust his face into the pillow next to him shaking his head.

"Okay, then I may have to pull you out of the bed until you land on the ground," Louis warned smiling as Harry wrapped his legs and arms tightly around the blanket. Louis pulled with all his strength. "Okay, okay" Harry laughed almost falling out of bed.

"Now it's too late." Louis teased "No, no, no Sun stop." Harry laughed.

"Did you just call me Sun?" Louis let go of the blanket and tried to cover his excitement. Harry didn't even notice he had.

"Uhm-" Harry stuttered embarrassed he didn't mean to call him by that name it just slipped out. But on the way, Louis smiled Harry saw he liked it. "I mean you have a nickname for me, so I can have one for you as well."

"Here take those, I will go to the bathroom so you can change." Louis threw a pair of skinnies and a shirt over to Harry. "But you know that I wear one size bigger jeans than you." Harry eyed the black pair, they were ripped at the knees. "Yes, I know. They are way too big on me."

Harry gave him a soft smile. "That's what I wanted to see." That was the last thing Louis said as he left the room. He could hear Harry chuckle before closing the door behind his back.

Niall Liam and Zayn sat on the couch in the living room they seemed to be waiting. They all had sad looks on their faces. "You heard everything didn't ya?" Louis looked at the ground. "Yes." Liam said sadly "Is he feeling better?" Zayn asked concerned.

The door behind Louis opened and Harry walked out yawning. Niall imminently walked towards him, pulling him into his arms "We're all here for you Harry, just so you know." Louis looked up to Zayn and Liam nodding in Harry and Niall's direction.

They joined the hug. "And we all care about you, Harry. You don't have to go alone through this." Harry just nodded hugging all of the boys back. "Thank you, guys." Harry had never been so thankful for something in his whole life than for the friendship with those four guys.