104 What to Watch

With that incident with the television porno being in the past, we still did not decide on a movie to watch. I continued to hold the remote in my hand, flipping through the different pages and options displayed on the television in search of something to watch. I felt somewhat fatigued at the moment after what had happened so I allowed myself to relax and slouch down on the chair that I sat in. However, Muria's posture was still like before where she sat on the edge of her bed with both feet touching the floor.

The search continued for a bit longer in the silent room with the only audible sound being the soft humming of the air conditioner as it pumped warm air into the room so that the temperature was maintained at a comfortable one. Currently, it was a bit on the warmer side, and because of this temperature, it made me quite drowsy.

I yawned and continued to stare at the television screen with my pair of dry eyes. My eyes scanned the various images of the different movies until my attention was caught by a particular image. It was an extremely familiar image, one that involved memories that I shared with Muria. I glanced over at Muria and discovered that she was also staring at the movie poster that was on the corner of the monitor.

I stared at the image for a bit longer, pausing my selection process and thinking whether or not I should just choose this movie to watch. Muria seed to have noticed my static state since she glanced over at me for a few seconds before returning her gaze back to the television.

I mean I didn't pay much attention the first time I watched it... You know what? I asked myself. Why not?

I then navigated over to that image and pressed the button on the remote to play the movie. I heard a soft gasp from Muria, and when I looked over at her, she was staring at the television screen in surprise. She then slowly looked over at me, and on her face was a look that was as if she wasn't expecting me to choose this movie.

"What?" I frowned uncomfortably as she stared at me with wide eyes of surprise.

"...Nothing."

She then looked away and then focused her gaze on the television screen. On her face I discovered a content smile as her countenance relaxed as she lowered her guard. Seeing her like this actually made me quite happy since I no longer need to endure that awkward atmosphere.

With the movie being decided and Muria starting to relax, I saw her move further up her bed until she was near the head of it. Then, she grabbed her pillow and propped it up against the headboard and sat down with her knees bent so that her thighs were close to her chest. I immediately looked away, blushing after her current pose seemed to expose the entirety of her thighs to my naked eye.

Pay some more attention, I muttered to myself in my mind. You're not in the room alone.

With my face still somewhat red from seeing her thighs, I looked towards the television screen. On the monitor was that same movie that I had saw with Muria in the summer time. Man does it bring back memories.

The movie played on for a bit more, and then a familiar looking character appeared. It was that same dog character that Luna had bought the stuffed animal for as a gift for Muria. Then, the memories that was brought back to me became one of bitterness.

The colorful and cute images on the television screen no longer appeared wholesome to me. Rather, it was as if the movie itself had its colors gradually fade as the colors became extremely bland to my eyes. No longer was I able to focus on the plot of the movie, and instead, all I could think about is that conversation with Luna.

She... laughed, I recalled. To the point that she cried.

I could still hear that laughter in my head as I played back the memory. However, I noticed something odd.

Did she laugh before she cried or did she cry before she laughed?

That was something that proved extremely bothersome to me as it captivated the entirety of my attention. My eyes were no longer perceiving what was occurring in the physical world as I brought myself into my mind and relived the memories. A mysterious sourness seemed to swell up in my chest whenever I recall that look of loneliness on Luna's face when she talked about her possibility of not making it until the end of the year.

What is she thinking about? I asked myself. Knowing that she'll die soon... Does she ever have bad dreams?

It would appear that the air conditioner had stopped running as the temperature began dropping. I felt a mysterious chill running through my body, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the temperature or if it was because of the sad emotions that was filling up my mind.

I felt helpless. I know that Luna will eventually die and there's nothing that I can do. This feeling pained me as I cannot imagine a world where that friendly and inviting smile would no longer exist. I looked out the window and at the nighttime sky. I cannot imagine a world where the moon no longer exist.

I looked up from my melancholy, searching around the room for a source of comfort. Whenever I'm faced with such painful and tormenting melancholy, I discover myself seeking the companionship of someone else. The only person in the room with me at the moment is Muria, so I looked over in her direction.

She was focused on the movie that was being played. Her eyes seemed to be glued to the television monitor as the movie played before her. It interested me how she could still be so absorbed by the film despite the fact that she's seen it in the past, but... I'm really not in the mood to seek an answer to that question. Rather, I felt the overwhelming oppression of loneliness.

Before learning of Luna's fate, I was never bothered by this loneliness. I was never afraid of the dark. But now... whenever I'm alone or in the darkness, my mind couldn't help but wander to that sealed off corner where I stored the information about Luna's inevitable end. When that does happen, my mind would then be plagued by melancholy as the agonizing sensation of that sadness swell up inside me like cancer and devour me whole until I am nothing but a walking vessel filled with sadness.

Someone... is someone there...

I wanted to cry out but I could not. I brought my feet up on the chair so that I could hug my knees closer to my body.

It's so cold... It's so cold here...

I desperately tried to retain whatever warmth I had, but it was as if there was a hole in me and the warmth would just spill out at an uncontrollable speed. I desperately missed Loriana's presence, knowing that if it was her, she would definitely notice my pain and come by to comfort me. If only she was here, then I wouldn't have to suffer like this.

"Are you alright?" a soothing voice said to me.

I looked up and saw the one person that I had never expected to show me such sympathy. On Muria's face was a worried countenance as she gazed in my direction and away from the television screen. As I basked in her gaze, I felt a mysterious calming effect that probably stemmed from the fact that she actually noticed my suffering.

"Y-yeah," I responded, trying my best to return to my original state. "Just kinda cold."

"You need the temperature set higher?" she asked.

"No," I shook my head. "I'm fine now."

She continued to observe me for a few more seconds, and in those few seconds, I felt a soothing warmth that seemed to stemmed from my chest and spread throughout my body. I felt as if her gaze had a cleansing effect on me, curing me of my cancer and restoring me to who I was before. Even when she redirected her gaze to the television screen, that warmth lingered about in my body, eliciting a relaxed smile on my face.

Then, I too directed my attention to the television screen. It was a pretty good movie to be honest, with a decent plot and everything. However, the visuals were just too childish for my liking. However, it seemed to have please Muria since she still kept her eyes glued onto the television screen. In addition, whenever a particularly cute character were to show up, her face would light up in one of the most adorable ways possible as a smile appeared on her face. When that character would disappear from the screen, her face would then return to its serious state. Actually, it was almost more entertaining to watch her than the movie itself.

About an hour into the movie, there came a soft beep by the door as it was unlocked. Then, the door slowly opened, revealing Irina who was still dressed in her own outfit. It would appear that she had changed out of her school uniform for a more fashionable jacket and skirt before leaving to have fun with the other girls.

"Muria," she said as she entered. She hasn't noticed me yet. "You're still not asle— What?!" She exclaimed as her eyes met mine. "W-why's Alevian here?!"

On her face was a look of surprise as she stared at me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Then, she took a few more steps into the hotel room and looked over at Muria in search of an answer.

"Now," Muria smiled coldly as she looked over at me. "Why is he here?"

She had directed the responsibility of the situation over to me, which I guess is reasonable. However, that still doesn't mean it's a good feeling to take the responsibility and answer that question. To be honest, I still don't know what's the right answer.

Calm down, I thought as the silence in the room continued. Both their eyes were focused on me, so I must come up with a good answer. Just follow your heart...

"I..." I started speaking. "I got a bit lonely." I said, smiling awkwardly.