167 Something's Amiss

The surface of the Helliger River rippled with the blowing wind, causing the reflection of the beautiful Nocsinis skyline at the far bank of the wide river as well as the Lumina skyline at the bank nearest to my residence to become distorted. It was cold outside with a likelihood of snow, but inside my room, I was warm. I gazed out the sliding glass door, past the reflections of the interior of my room due to the difference in lighting, and at the dark world outside and its brightly colored skyscrapers. With my right hand, I placed it gently on the glass, feeling the cold surface as the temperature outside cooled the material.

Slowly, I placed my head against the soft glass in order to calm myself. I let out a sigh as I thought back on the day. There have just been so many things going on lately that... to be honest it's getting a bit stressful. The Socialization app on my phone, although it has been fairly quiet recently, has dealt with me a great effect that had caused my world to change. In the years prior, I would simply be living life in a quiet repetitive loop, almost as if I was stuck in a time loop that never ended. Life was just bland as I prepared for my opportunity to accomplish the promise that I had promised myself, but now... things are different. There's just so much going on, so many additional people in my life that it has derailed everything. This is all the fault of that stupid app.

However, I guess it has changed me as well. If it had not, then I wouldn't have cared what Irina would've thought. However, since I did, I suppose that I am changed as well. Therefore, the new me would have to deal with this thing called socializing. It's just... different and difficult for me. I'm not accustomed to it. It's quite scary.

The night passed and morning came as the sun rose in the eastern horizon, driving away the darkness of night and providing the world with a few slivers of warmth that was still not enough for people to abandon the heavy winter jackets. Apparently, it had snowed late last night since the grounds were covered with a thin layer of soft, white snow. However, the city workers had woke early and shoveled the worst of the pile to the side of the roads, allowing the residents of Palisia to traverse the city with greater ease. Because of them, my morning commute to school wasn't much different from before.

Following a few paces behind Muria, I entered my classroom and ignored the quick glance that some of my classmates gave in my direction and started for my seat. On my path, there was Irina who sat at her desk with her phone that was personalized with a cute case in her hand. She greeted Muria when Muria walked by, smiling as she gifted her with her cheerful morning greetings. When it was my turn, that smile slowly faded as she remained silent and redirected her gaze to her phone. I was rather shocked to find myself standing before her, waiting for a brief moment, maybe expecting for her to deliver to me that morning greeting that I was so accustomed to. However, I was quickly able to notice this fallacy in my actions and quickly move on towards my seat although that momentary stop was quite awkward in nature.

The day went on like before, but unlike before, Irina seemed to be avoiding me somewhat. Whenever our sights crossed, she would quickly look away with a frown on her face, and I would simply sit there, confused as I tried to think of what I could do to mend things with her. I'm simply a coward, someone who's unable to take action. My indecisiveness must have contributed greatly to this result, but... it's really what has kept everything together. I do not know why and how but I seemed to have been thrust into the center of a really important rift between everyone's relationship and acted as the glue to hold things together by ignoring certain issues. However, nothing lasts forever and what has to be dealt with will eventually have to be dealt with.

The bell rang signaling the end of seventh period homeroom and the end of the day's schooling. From that gave birth the chaotic and loud scurry by the many students of my high school towards their respective destinations. With smiles on their faces, they enjoyed themselves. Boys chased after their friends, couples leave quickly while hand in hand to their date, they're all just so carefree, like nothing bothered them. I hate to say it but... I'm surprisingly jealous of them right now. To be able to be spared by this horrible esoteric secret about her condition as well as the true nature of this world and its divines...ignorance is really a bliss in disguise. They can live life without thinking about anything other than what's at hand.

"Let's go to the clubroom now," Loyd announced to the others as the hallway had cleared quite a bit.

I glanced over at him, trying to see if there was anything different about him from yesterday. All that I saw was that there was, indeed, some differences about him. He appeared somewhat... odd. I can't really pick up exactly what it was, but there's just something about that look on his face that spelled out that something wasn't as usual. However, there did not appear to be too great of a change in his behavior or subtle countenance that warrants me to believe that something has truly gone amiss.

"You guys go ahead," Muria called out to us, causing us to halt in our steps and look back at her. "I need to talk to Alevian about something."

"Me?" I turned completely around while having my hands in my pant pockets.

"We'll wait for you in the clubroom then," Loyd smiled and left the room.

Noah followed after him without much of a change in his fatigued countenance, and as for Irina, she appeared somewhat curious about what will occur between Muria and I as her footsteps appeared quite conflicted and she looked over her shoulder and at us. However, in the end, she, too, also left and caught up with the others, leaving only Muria and I alone in our classroom free of any third party presence.

"So," I asked as I leaned back on the surface of a nearby desk while keeping my hands in my pockets. "What is it?"

I gazed out the window and at the sun that has already made decent progress along its arc across the sky as it entered it's setting stages. The sky had barely started being affected by the sun's fading rays, turning it a cyan mixed with a light hue of orange in the distant sky near the sun.

"Has something happened between you and Irina?" She crossed her arms and looked over at me with a focused gaze.

I responded that gaze by staring back, meeting her challenge with my fatigued eyes. I stared into those blue eyes of hers in silence, waiting a bit as I prepared myself for a response before finally doing so with a sigh.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Are you going to fix it?" She pressed on.

"Yeah," I muttered in response. "But I don't know how..." With that said, my head dropped low as I stared at the ground before me.

"Good," she nodded. "Irina's a good person," she continued. "As her frien—...her acquaintance...I dearly wish that she'll be happy."

"I think you can consider yourself as her friend," I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "She considers you her best friend after all..."

"..." She stared at me with silent surprise and gently coughed. "Is that so?" Her astonished behavior soon disappeared as she returned back to her usual self. She then started walking and past by me, stopping momentarily as she stood next to me. "About this situation with Irina...just don't make me disappointed in you."

With that said, she continued walking towards the closed sliding door at the front of the classroom. She slid open the door, and before stepping out, she leaned back slightly and looked over at me as if inquiring whether or not I was going to follow her out. With a sigh, I started walking towards the door and exited after her.

"I'm um...not going to the clubroom," I informed her after the two of us exited the classroom and stepped foot in the now empty hallways.

"Where are you off to?" Muria then asked.

"I'm...going to see Luna," I informed her. "I want to ask her advice on things..."

"Going to her for advice?" Muria crossed her arms. "That's a good choice. She should know how to deal with situations."

"She knows more about socializing than you," I playfully teased.

"Alevian," Muria calmly responded. "Would you like your heart to stop?"

"Of course not." A smile escaped from the corner of my lips for the first time that day, breaking past the seal of melancholy as my spirit was lifted. "Like expected, you're the only one I can talk to without feeling any stress..."

"What's that?" Her face was somewhat red when she had heard what I had whispered. Seeing her like this was rather refreshing.

"Nothing," I smiled and answered her. "See you later."

Then, I turned and started walking down the hallway in the opposite direction that she was going in, waving my goodbyes to her without turning to face her. She's the only person in this world that I can speak to without concealing anything about myself. I can just be myself when talking to her. There are no expectations between us about anything happening, no feelings that might lead any one of us to think that way. No expectations mean there's really no way to mess things up. Therefore, she'll always be the one person who I can simply be myself with without feeling any stress.

With my mood somewhat restored, I exited the school, took the train to that same mall again and bought cheesecakes for her once again. This time, there wasn't as long of a wait and I was able to quickly make my way over to the hospital.

I stood in silence outside of the closed doors to her hospital room. With a deep breath, I mustered up the courage and prepared myself. Then, I slowly slid open the door.