142 Pain

"You alright?" I asked .With my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants, I looked over at her in a fatigued manner, sighing a sigh of relief after the group finally left my house leaving behind Luna who claimed she needed some time to rest.

"Just somewhat tired," she weakly nodded and smiled. "Can you help me over to the couch?"

I looked over at her face, taking in the forced smile of calmness. I noticed that her knees were trembling somewhat and her color was whiter than usual. With a sigh, I walked over to her, bring my hands out of my pockets in order to help support her body. Then, I slowly escorted her over to the couch where I gently sat her down on it.

Her countenance seemed to relax somewhat as her body need not to extend further energy to support itself up. Because of this, that look of concealed pain seemed to have dispersed somewhat.

"Your hands are pretty warm," she smiled and commented. Then, she pointed over at her school bag that was still on the dining table. "Can you get that for me?" she said in a weak voice that trembled like how her arm trembled.

Without saying anything, I walked over to the dining table and focus my gaze on her school bag that was laid on its surface. Within it were probably her many medications that she needed to take in order to maintain regular bodily functions. Come to think of it, she must not have the opportunity to take any during the time she was here...

"Thank you," she weakly smiled as I handed the bag to her. Then, she tried to unzip the zipper. She tried to bring her right hand up to the zipper, but sadly, that arm trembled as it refused to comply with her wish. "That's weird," she muttered and then chuckled in a somewhat trembling voice as she attempted the same motion once again. Again, her right arm was unable to be elevated to the top of her school bag. "What's wrong?"

Unable to see her struggle like this for any bit longer, I sat down next to her and grabbed her school bag and placed it on my lap. Then, I unzipped it for her before tilting the opening in her direction.

"Which one?" I asked her with a forced countenance of dispassion.

"T-take them all out," she whispered in a weak voice.

I followed her orders and took out the medications to lay them all out on the tiny space on the couch that separated us. Then, I held up each prescription bottle and showed her the label for each one so that she can confirm which ones she needed to consume. After the rigorous process of going through the many bottles with labels that had names that I've never heard of before, she chose out five prescription bottles and had me replace the rest back into her bag. I uncapped the five bottles, placing the specified amount of pills of each medication on their caps for her. Then, I got up to pour her a glass of water.

"Is there a particular order?" I asked her.

"No," she said, shaking her head.

Then, one by one, I helped her consume the five different types of pills, feeding her the pills and bringing the glass of water to her lips in order for her to help her swallow them. I remained silent as I watched her hold each pill in her mouth and patiently waiting for me to bring the water glass to her lips. She seemed to have given up trying herself and allowed me to help her without any more complaints.

"How long were you holding it for?" I asked after feeding her all the medication needed at the time and was capping the prescription bottles to return them into her school bag.

"It's not that long," she chuckled. "Maybe twenty minutes?"

"You could've just called me," I sighed. "We could've come up with some kind of excuse."

"I didn't want to," she gently shook her head. "Just in case you're busy."

"..." I stared into her eyes for a second, taking in that genuine excuse and sighed. "You're gonna be alright, right?"

"Worried about me? How sweet," she smiled in a joyful manner. However, this smile of hers lacked the vitality that defined her.

"I just don't want someone to die in my house," I sighed as I finished zipping up her school bag and stood up with my hands back in my pockets.

"I know," she laughed weakly. Despite her lack of vitality, she seemed to be enjoying herself as she laughed until tears formed in her eyes. I frowned as I was unsure of what part of that is funny, but I just went with it. "Don't worry. I won't be dead yet for some time."

"You're oddly optimistic about it," I sighed. "What does life and death even mean to you that you can so easily joke about it?"

"Life and death?" she paused momentarily as she looked up at the ceiling in order to ponder this question. "That's quite simple. As long as I can be remembered, then I won't be dead."

I subconsciously directed my gaze in her direction and watched the girl as she answered the question.

"A person only dies when they fade from the memories of others," she continued. "So as long as I am remembered, then I'm still alive. I'll live as long as you do because you'll remember me, right?" She looked over towards me and smiled.

It was a beautiful and bright smile. However, even that was unable to alleviate the uneasiness that I felt. The bitterness in my heart... it just won't go away.

"Hmm?" She stared at me, almost as if expecting me to confirm her beliefs.

"I'm not that certain that I'll be able to remember you for that long," I said, turning away from her so that she's unable to see my face. "So you better stick around for a bit and make some more memories with me so I can keep you alive for as long as possible."

"Alevian..." she muttered. I am unsure of what countenance was on her face as my back was turned towards her. However, I felt a soft tug on the sleeve of my shirt. "Sit down," she whispered.

I complied with her wish and sat down. However, I was still turned away from her and was facing her with my back. Then, I felt a pressure being applied on my back as she pressed her body against it, allowing me to feel the softness of her body as well as her warmth.

"I will," she whispered as she pressed her head against my back while grabbing onto my shirt with her hands.

We continued like that for a bit longer as I was unsure as to what to do. This sudden gesture from her made me blush at first due to how abrupt and sudden it was and it also made my heart rate increase. However, as my body became accustomed with hers and her warmth, my heart rate gradually slowed as it came to a relaxing beating rhythm. Then, everything was silent as we stayed like that for a bit longer.

It's still quite difficult to see her in her natural state without the aid of medications. It's just that the weak and frail girl was just so different from the Luna that I know of, it's just... it's just difficult to believe that the two are the same person. It's also hard to believe that medicine can make someone that gaunt appear normal for a certain period of time. If it's so miraculous and special, then why can't the medicine cure her of her disease? Why did medical technology focus on restoring bodily functions but not eliminating the cause? What's the point if you don't find a cure? It doesn't mean anything in the end except medical bills and grief if the patient ends up dead. Who's idea was it to focus on making it so that they can temporarily pretend that the disease doesn't exist while ignoring the dark nature of it?

I looked up at the ceiling as I felt her warm presence leaning on my back. My eyes were dry as they were unable to perceive anything that I could possibly do to alleviate the situation. Everything seemed to be set in stone. Her health is declining, and it will deteriorate to the point that not even modern medicine can allow her to be her usual self again, leaving her trapped in the frame of the weak and lifeless girl that she was in reality. Eventually, she will be confined to a hospital bed, unable to move, unable to talk, and unable to laugh. Then, her vitals will fade away as her soul slowly slips away from this world... All of that is sealed in stone and will happen in the near future. We have less than a year left together, and I'm not even sure if we still have half a year together. All I know is that... the time leading up to it will go by fast, faster than I can imagine, and once it all happens and she's finally away, time will seem to slow down as the world itself seems to intentionally try and drag out the grief.

"Alevian," I heard her softly whisper my name into my ear. Her soft breathing led to the air that she breathed out brushing against the back of my neck. "May I stay the night?"