146 It's a Part of the Process

"Welcome back," Luna greeted me with a large smile on her face as I entered my house and closed the door behind me. She was still dressed in the same clothing that I had left her in and almost the entirety of her legs were visible. As she moved, the hems of the shirt moved along with her, following her movements, and as they waved about, her privates seemed to be always at risk of being exposed to my eyes. This drew my gaze since I am a teenage boy, but I quickly forced myself to look away while blushing. She didn't think much of it, which probably had something to do with the fact that she... well... back at the hotel during our school trip in her room.

With a fatigued sigh, I handed her the plastic bag and the content within and stripped myself of my winter coat as the heater had made it so that the room was at a comfortable room temperature. I folded it and laid it to rest on my arm as I entered the house and for my room in order to hang up the coat.

"Thank you," Luna smiled as she opened the plastic packaging and held up the pair of panties and examined them.

Even though I only caught a simple glimpse of them, it was still quite embarrassing for me to know that I was the one who had bought that for her. It was just... well, it just felt weird and everything. Like I shouldn't have to be doing this...

I entered my room and hung my coat on a hanger and placed it within my closet. Then, I surveyed my room for a second and took my time before leaving my room. My reasoning was that Luna will probably be putting on the underwear that I had bought her at the moment so if I were to leave my room now then it would be quite awkward for the two of us, well... maybe mostly for me.

Come to think of it I still haven't decided where she'll sleep, I sighed as I looked about. She'll most definitely not be sleeping in the same room as me. I mean I can let her sleep on my bed and I can sleep on the couch.

"Alevian," Luna's voice traveled down the hall and through the opened doors and into my room. "You can come out now."

Signaling to me that she was finished, I cautious peeked a head out of my room and down the hallway at the living room to see whether or not she was in fact finished. Our eyes met for an awkward moment as she simply stood there and met the eyes which were on my cautiously peeked out head. She didn't say anything, but it's that silence for that split second that made me want to die because it was that embarrassing and awkward.

With my face still red from embarrassment, I walked out of my room and acted as if nothing had happened. I walked over to the living room and observed her with a frown on my face as I was still entirely uncertain as to whether or not she was telling me the truth or not.

"Is something the matter?" she smiled as she gazed into my eyes.

I looked away, blushing, and concluded that whatever the truth may be, there might not really be that much of a difference in things either way. I let out a sigh and shook my head in response. Then, I lowered it as I checked the time that was on display on my phone. It has gotten pretty late and I guess it was time that I start making dinner or else it'll have to be super late that we eat.

"I think I'll start making food," I said to her as I walked over to the open-counter kitchen.

"Let me watch!" Luna exclaimed as she skipped over behind me.

I looked over my shoulders with the corner of my eye at her, and every time she moved, the hems of my shirt on her body would bounce up and down, and like before, making it so that her pelvic area was under the threat of exposure. And also like before, this feeling of almost being exposed yet not being so at the same time made it oddly erotic, peaking my interest as my mind uncontrollably started wanting to see what was underneath it all.

"D-do as you wish," I blushed and forced myself to look away in order to maintain my sanity.

I opened the refrigerator door once again and took out the vegetables that I needed for tonight's menu. I have decided that I'll be making a simple seafood spaghetti with mussels, shrimp, and some lobster with a salad on the side. Therefore, I also reached into the refrigerator and took out the already processed mussel and shrimp that was bought from the supermarket a few days before.

As I chopped up the vegetables, I noticed Luna's eyes focused on the vegetables on the chopping board and on the way that I chopped them up. I paused out of slight embarrassment and looked up at her. She was leaning on the counter and using her elbows as a support for her hands that supported her face. On that face of hers was a content and happy countenance, but when she saw that I had stopped, she looked up and met my eyes.

"A-are you just going to watch me?" I asked, somewhat nervously as I felt a rather odd unease in my mind from showing someone other than Loriana my cooking skills.

"There's nothing wrong with it," Luna responded with a confused look on her face.

"I mean..." I sighed. "You're right. But... I get kinda nervous when you stare at me like that."

"Sorry," she laughed and apologized. "Would you like it better if I turned the television volume up?" She then looked over at the television screen which was on and playing a game show at the moment. "That way, you won't be distracted by me."

"You don't have to," I sighed and returned to what I was doing before. "I think I'll get used to it soon."

Just like that, our conversation ended and a period of silence ensued with the only sound being the sound of the kitchen knife slicing through the vegetables and onto the cutting board. This sound continued as I sliced up the vegetables into the sizes that I wanted for the seafood spaghetti as well as the salad.

"Is this what life after a marriage is like?"

Luna's sudden words made me pause in my cutting and look up once again at her. This time, however, she did not look up to meet my gaze, but instead, she kept her eyes on my hands as she gazed at it with a somewhat sad demeanor. Her eyes appeared to be in a mourning state as if there was something that she missed or regret.

"One of the husband or the wife will be making food," she continued to say in a soft and longing whisper. "Or maybe the two will work together and prepare dinner. But whatever the case may be, they'll both be happy that the other is there by their side..."

I didn't say anything and remained mute. This future that she described will never come into fruition for her. She's going to die in the near future. Maybe in half a year, or maybe even sooner. Whatever the case may be, that will not change the fact that she doesn't have long left in her life and marriage... it's one of the farthest things for her. It's something that she'll never be able to lay her hands on...

This realization combined with her longing face made things even worse for me. The bitter feeling inside my chest seemed to amplify and occur at an even greater magnitude. Things just felt... uneasy and bad. It's quite... painful to be honest. But... but. I must stay strong here. I already promised her that I'll see her to the end, that I will walk alongside her until she gracefully enters into her grave. Because of this promise, I must not allow my tears to fall. I must keep them concealed and maintain this illusion for her.

Silence ensued us. I didn't say anything as I know that she'll never be able to achieve what she had described, and I believe she does too. Both of us know this fact, and both of us were reluctant to speak about it, knowing all well that the other will feel quite awkward if we do so. This awkwardness, these troubling emotions that are just so agonizing and bringing with it so much pain and anguish that severely damaged my heart, why does it also have to bring with it so much peace and content? Why is it that this pain is so relaxing? Is it because the source of this pain is Luna? That might explain things since she's also the source of this odd sense of tranquility and comfort for me.

With this bitter pain in my tranquil chest, I continued with the process of making dinner. As I cooked up the pasta and made the sauce, I remained silent and allowed my cooking to do the talking. I imbued within it the emotions that I felt, hoping that it will serve to alleviate things for me. I know all of this might sound confusing and conflicting. But that's the reason why it's so troubling for me. I don't even know myself what any of these emotions meant and why it was that I felt this way. But... I guess this is all part of the maturing process...