141 End of the Session

"Let's use that table over there," I said out loud so as to progress the situation.

"R-right."

Irina turned her head to face the table where I had set my PC, allowing me to catch a glimpse of her face. It was quite red, but I guess that's because she's probably still somewhat nervous or embarrassed that she's in a room alone with a boy. Or maybe she's actually mad right now that she has to be in my room with me. Like I know that I'm not the most likable person and everything.

Well, whatever the case maybe, I can sense that something is odd about her, but I know for sure it can't be anything involving romantic feelings because why would she ever fall for someone like me? If she is feeling something for me, then it isn't a genuine emotion of love but rather one of gratitude and reliance. Let's say it is true and she views me as someone she could possibly be with, but like I've stated before, this feeling is nothing more than a simply liking that she developed on her own end out of gratitude and reliance. Nothing in this feeling is similar to love. Therefore, nothing could possibly happen between the two of us. I will not allow her to be taken advantaged by me.

In order to make it seem as if everything was normal, I suppressed my own rapidly beating heart and continued on as if there's nothing out of the ordinary with her being in my room. As long as I can remain normal, then the atmosphere will make things back to the way it was before.

"You can sit down on the chair," I said, walking past her to set my stuff down on the desk.

As I walked by, I did not dare look over at her face. I don't know the reason as to why I didn't, but maybe it was out of fear I was probably afraid that if her countenance just so happened to confirm my suspicions, I would lose myself and be unable to refrain from taking advantage of her pure and innocent emotions.

If my hypothesis is correct, then this feeling she has for me of gratitude and reliance will gradually fade. As long as I keep treating her the same way as before, this feeling will gradually die out as she becomes bored by a lack of success on her end. That's just how everything in this world works. Time is the best medicine for all troubles one could possibly have. Maybe after Luna's passing, if enough time would past, things wouldn't be as bad. Even though I had promised her I would not forget her, time will distill the heavy emotional attachment I could possibly attach to memories of her. Slowly but surely, she will fade from my active memory and become merely a speck of numerous others in the deep storage within my brain that will only see the light of day when reminded of her existence.

This is the sad reality. One day, I'll have to leave this house, and that day might be sooner than I imagined. One day, once we graduate high school, our group would disperse and head our separate ways. There will be no possible way for us to maintain this relationship we have at the moment and we'll eventually fade from each other's memories. Nothing lasts forever but people are often blinded by the present to ponder this fact. That's why when it is lost and the veil fades away that one can truly see the value in what is lost and mourn its lost.

"Let's continue from before," I said, turning around finally to look at her.

Irina was still standing in the center of my room with her school bag hanging from her shoulder. Her face was still as red as before and she appeared quite nervous as she held her notebook in her arms. She avoided looking directly at me by turning her head to look away, but she would still occasionally glance over at me with her large blue eyes.

"W-what about you?" she then asked nervously. "You can't just stand there for the whole time."

"Well..." I looked around my room in search of anything that could act as a chair that I can pull up to the computer desk to sit on. However, as someone who usually never have any friends over, it's expected for me to not have anything to sit on for a second person.

"We can sit somewhere that we can go over the notebook together," she said shyly.

"H-how about the floor?" I suggested, walking over to the spot by the wall. "We can lean against the wall right here. Would that be fine with you?"

"T-that's fine," Irina shyly nodded.

Seeing her behave this way all but confirmed my suspicions. Therefore, I must not allow things to progress between us. This is to protect myself and Irina.

We sat down next to each other with our backs against the wall. In Irina's hands, she held the notebook and leaned her body closer in my direction so I'll be able to see the content written in the notebook as well. Then, things got awkward as we remained in silence and read what she had wrote.

In order to calm myself, I read everything that she had written down, taking in the diagrams that she had drawn as well. I've gotta say, she has some of the best handwriting that I've ever seen. In addition, her notes appeared to reflect her person as well with its cleanliness and neatness. Irina's a kind person, but it's also her kindness that makes things impossible for us. She treats everyone well, so one would often have the misconception that they are special to her. If she were to meet me a few years before, I would've probably fell for her. However, not now. My mind has been hardened into an impregnable fortress and it cannot be that easily penetrated by anyone. Luna is an exception to that, of course.

Even though she leaned towards her right and in my direction, I decided to rest the weight of my body on the right side of it as well, making it so that I was leaning away from her. This widened the distance between us, and I hoped that this will in some way shape or form contribute to the gradual decline of her feelings for me.

"Can you see?" Irina asked as she looked over at me. "You're awfully far away..."

"Well..." I muttered as I stalled in order to engender an excuse for myself.

Maybe if I tell her straight up, it'll be more beneficial for the two of us. But... if I were to do that, then that would change our relationship, maybe even ending up with her leaving our group. Well... it might even be the same for me. I might also isolate myself from the group... Why does it have to be this hard? Why is it that telling the truth can make everything fall to pieces? Is our relationship built on a foundation of sand and held together by lies?

I looked over at Irina, thinking long and hard about my decision. It's going to be a difficult one as this difficulty that I am presented with is a great one.

"I..."

Be sure what you want to say. This can make everything fall apart. I know it's difficult, but... lies are needed, no matter how much you hate them.

"I think—"

What about her? I was suddenly reminded of Luna's image. If everything were to fall apart, what about her? I've promised her that I would see her until the very end... Then I have the responsibility to protect everything and keep it together, that is until her passing.

"Alevian?" Irina turned her head and stared at me in confusion.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

I remained silent and then brought myself closer to her so that I would be able to read her notes from a closer distance. Even though I've went against my creed, but breaking it occasionally can be forgiven... Maybe.

Time quickly passed and nothing else happened between the two of us. I made sure that nothing would happen between the two of us by remaining quite still and by always keeping at a respectful distance from her. Never did our body truly made contact, and never did we truly had a full scale conversation during our time together in my room. Instead, what we did was simply flip through the notes she had took this semester.

It soon came time for everyone to leave. Therefore, the two of us exited my room and returned back to the living and dining area where we were greeted by a grin on Noah's face. However, that grin soon disappeared as he realized that nothing had happened between the two of us.

"It's pretty late now," Loyd announced as he checked his phone for the time. "I think we should head home before it gets dark."

"Let's call it a day then!" Zaksus exclaimed as he stretched his arms and back.He appeared to be quite fatigued by all the studying earlier but was invigorated when hearing that the torture session was finally over.

I watched as they packed their belongings into their school bags and prepared to leave. I walked them over to the door in order to see them off.

"Luna," Irina said as she noticed that Luna wasn't putting on her shoes. "You're not leaving?"

"I'm kinda tired right now," she smiled and explained. "So I want to rest up for a bit before leaving. Would that be fine with you, Alevian?"

She looked over from the corner of her eye at me. In her amber eyes, I could see that she was genuinely seeking for me permission to stay for a bit longer. I wasn't exactly sure as to what her intent was, but since she said that she's tired, there's really no real reason for me to deny her a momentary rest.

"Then I'll wait with you," Irina said.

"It's fine," Luna chuckled. "It's not safe for you to be out that late at night. You're a celebrity and everything."

"B-but..." Irina frowned at the thought of Luna staying here alone with me for a bit longer.

"You can rest at my house," Muria intervened.

"It's fine," Luna shook her head in denial. "I wouldn't want to bother your sister on her day off."

"She wouldn't care," Muria smiled.

"No," Luna insisted. "It's fine. Besides, if you're worrying about Alevian trying something on me, you really think he dare do so?"

"He might be quite perverted, but he's not stupid," Muria nodded her head in agreement. "He wouldn't dare break the law."

"Why're you saying that as if I would if I wouldn't get caught?" I sighed.

"Don't worry, Irina," Muria comforted her. "Luna is safe."

"Then I guess we'll be leaving then," Loyd said as he turned towards the opened door. Before he exited, he looked over his shoulder and at Luna. "Don't forget," he said. "See you next Saturday."

"I know," Luna waved as she saw the group off.

Next Saturday, huh? I let out a sigh as I watched as the door closed behind Irina.