133 Don't Let it Slip Away, Please.

I sat there opposite of her, still mesmerized by how different our personalities were and yet how we attract to the other. I watched as she took a sip from the cup of hot chocolate that she ordered as she looked slightly to her left and out the window and at the city streets outside. The heavy rain continued to pour hard on the concrete metropolis outdoors with no signs of letting up, but the Palisians did not allow it to hinder their daily life, making do with the rain and continuing on without any disruptions.

A period of silence accompanied us as we sat there. I simply focused my sight on her, watching as she looked out the window. Despite this seemingly awkward silence, I was in no rush to progress the conversation since I wanted her to be comfortable and have control of the pacing. Therefore, I merely sat there attentively without saying anything as I simply waited for her to continue speaking.

"Alevian," she finally started speaking once again. "When we played Two Truths and One Lie, you said you've never had a girlfriend, right?"

I wasn't sure why she suddenly brought up that night we shared in the party following the school festival as well as this particular topic, but I answered truthfully as I found nothing in particular that I would want to hide. I've told her about it in the past, so it's not a big deal to me. Besides, just by looking at me and observing my character, anyone would guess that I've never been in a relationship before.

"Yeah," I responded.

"Really?" she smiled in an amused manner. "You're already seventeen and has never been in a relationship before?"

"Make fun of me all you want," I sighed.

"I'm not making fun of you," she quickly explained herself, waving her hands before her. "It's just that it's quite rare to find someone who has never been in a relationship at your age."

She's right. It is kinda weird, almost abnormal to be my age and never ever having been in a relationship. However, that is just how it is for me. Ever since I was young, even before everything fell apart, I was never the best at socializing with the kids my age. The only people that would talk with me is Loyd, and it's only someone of his caliber and charismatic level would dare to talk to me. It's also through him that I was able to interact with other kids since he acted like a bridge for me to the other kids so I did experienced a period of time where I was able to be like a regular child. However, that is only when Loyd is around. Whenever he's gone, everything would slowly slip back to normal and I would slowly be faded out from the scene.

I looked up at her, taking in that amused smile on her face. From this smile, I sensed no signs of malicious intent. Even though there were a limited scope of mockery, it was more in a playful manner and truly meant no harm. However, I felt as if it wasn't her, then I definitely would be extremely pissed off and annoyed by now.

"What about you?" I asked, trying to direct the attention away from me and onto her. "Have you been in relationships?"

"Of course," she responded casually. "Multiple ones in fact."

"M-multiple?"

"What?" she smiled in a mocking manner as she looked over at me in a playfully supercilious manner. "You seem quite surprised. Or is that some jealousy I'm sensing right now?"

"N-no," I responded, taking a sip from the cup of coffee before me. It was only when the hot liquid made contact with my tongue that I realized that I had not add in any creamer or sugar, thus making the coffee extremely bitter as the taste spread throughout my mouth.

"Is that so?" Her smiled disappeared and was replaced with a somewhat disappointed frown. However, that frown soon died as a smile replaced it once again. "I've had three boyfriends in the past," she started saying. "But not at once, of course."

"Right," I nodded, still having the bitter taste of the coffee linger about in my mouth. I wanted to add in the creamer and sugar, but I know that it will be extremely embarrassing if I were to do so after taking a sip from it already.

Three... I thought, thinking about what she had said. I guess this is a normal number...

"I think I should add that these were all serious relationships though," she started speaking once again. "But it's not all of them that I felt a particular attraction for the guy. Two out of the three, I felt as if I was simply looking for someone to soothe my loneliness."

"So one of them made you really fell in love?" I asked, having a bitter countenance on my face that I wasn't sure if it was from the bitter taste of the coffee or from something else.

Luna nodded."I broke up with him a month ago," she said, smiling nostalgically as she rested her chin on her left hand and gazed out the window once again. "I didn't want him to be pained knowing about my inevitable death. This might be my best gift for him..."

A gift for him, yet a curse for me... Why is it that I must know your fate and suffer? If you're so considerate of others, even to the extent of hiding you illness from friends and loved ones to protect them from pain, then why is it that I must suffer? Am I to be disdained that much? Do I not deserve the same treatment as others?

The answer to the question, I believe, is no. I do not deserve the same treatment as others. On the social hierarchy, I belong at the bottom of bottoms, maybe even below the pyramid. I'm expendable, and my presence doesn't matter much to anyone in any circumstances.

"You must really love him then," I said, forcing a smile to conceal my hurt feelings.

"To be honest," she sighed. "Even now, I can't forget him."

Then why bother with me? Am I simply a replacement? No, do not let it show. Alevian, do not allow this to be shown on your face. Keep smiling. Do not stop. Keep smiling...

"If possible, I really wish this disease would just go away..." She sighed once again. "If it weren't for it, I would probably be with him still..."

"..."

I remained silent as I listened, tensing the muscles on my face to maintain a smile. This smile is the last line of defense that separated me from this harsh and cruel world at the moment, and it is something that I must maintain. I must keep this line if I were to ensure that I do not be consumed by this mad world.

"They say many animals would intentionally leave their family behind when nearing death," she continued. "Looks like humans would also have this response. What's with that look on your face?" She asked, laughing as she looked up and saw my countenance. "Relax, I'm not gonna take you with me. One person dying is enough already." Then, her facial expression softened. "You still have long to live."

Despite the fact that I could sense no other meaning from her words aside from the literal definition, for some reason I could sense a negative connotation from it. It was almost as if she was pronouncing the length of the torment I would have to continue and endure.

"You must be confused as to why I'm telling you this," she concluded."I guess it's because I have no one else I could talk to about things like this. I can't talk to Erith or my ex-boyfriend, you know. There's only you that I can rely on for things like this."

"If it makes you happy, I'm willing to listen," I responded, possibly lying to myself at that very moment.

"Really?" she leaned forward with great enthusiasm and excitement. "Thank you! I've really wanted to get it out of my chest lately."

Then, she went on a short ramble about her past, talking mainly about her love life with her ex-boyfriend who she could still not forget. According to her, he's a student from another high school, thus explaining why I never saw them together in the past. Aside from that, I wasn't really storing the information that I acquired from her. I was simply listening to it in one ear and allowing it all to escape in the other. My job was to sit there, smile, and listen as she continued on.

"Our first time really was somewhat exciting and scary," she sighed and said nostalgically.

"First time?" My attention was caught by the phrase, dragging my consciousness back from its daydreaming state and back into reality.

"As in kissing," she laughed and answered. "Why are you so interested in that though?"

"N-nothing," I whispered, slowly allowing my consciousness to slip away as I simply sat there like a robot and listened on.

"Since you're so curious," she said with a playful smile as she winked. "I'm still a virgin."

"I didn't ask but... okay," I responded. However, oddly enough, I felt a strange sense of relief deep down inside me. However, that feeling must be something random as it was something that I occasionally experience.

"Alevian," she then continued to say, her voice along with her countenance softening to a great degree where possible hints of sadness and disappointment roamed. "Love is something that's extremely strange." she said. "Love... I think it can be defined as two people intentionally hurting the other," she paused and looked into my eyes with her almost teary and lonely gaze. "Don't you think so too?"

I will never forget that look on her face when she asked me that question. There seemed to be the never seen before look of desperation in those eyes of hers but it was extremely faint. Almost nonexistent almost. However, it was still something that I quickly noticed as being a great irregularity that deviated from her regular cheerful attitude.

"It might be," I responded as I lowered my head. "I don't know myself."

"Right," she said and let out a long and mysterious sigh. "You've never been in a relationship before so of course you wouldn't know what love is like."

"Sorry," I apologized.

"There's no need to apologize," she said, looking into my eyes and smiling. "One day, you'll probably meet someone who your heart will fall for. It''ll probably pain you, but please... please don't let it slip away. Even though the two of you may not be able to be together for eternity, but please grab onto it and don't let it slip away from you. Each and every second that you're together is worth the pain that you'll experience when you both go your separate ways."

"R-right..." I muttered as I found myself being captivated by Luna's amber eyes as they seemed to gaze right into my soul, almost as if she was communicating those words to the Alevian I had kept protected in that solitary confinement cell.

"It might be long after my death until you find someone like that." She lowered her head and held out her right hand with her pinky out. "Please promise me you won't let go of that love when it's presented to you."

"I... promise," I reciprocated her gesture and brought my pinky to hers.

My mind was still extremely confused and clouded by what she was saying, but I know that it was important. I could sense that the message was a genuine one that she's trying to communicate to me. But yet... that still does not explain the great loneliness and sadness that her eyes as well as the cold touch of her hands communicated into my soul.