14 Chapter Fourteen

Jesse's POV:

I don't cringe at what's going to follow post this night of sinning and mistakes. I don't dread waking up to a pulse rate of over 120 beats a minute in the morning and a head that would feel heavier than the planet mercury itself. I don't live like that, no.

What I have also come to appreciate is the fact that all days are the same. There's no more Monday morning blues, or Sunday brunches with my girls, or Friday nightclubbing. It's all the same. We stopped living by the rules long ago, and ain't nobody telling me I shouldn't down what I damn well, please.

The blaring sound of a hit 90s song knock my heart, and my ears, and I could finally feel myself submerging in the waves of tranquility surrounding me. Looking around, I was the only person who was dancing, but then again, did it really matter? Will anything ever matter if we think of it from a distant point of view? Will it matter in a year or two? Absolutely not. I have known this place for way too long, and so have I known its people. And they have known me just the same. I know this place like the back of my hand. It's like lyrics to my favourite song; only this time, it's a poem for my affronted sentiments.

I feel like an outlander here. Yet, I feel I belong right here. By myself. With myself.

One cosmo, two cosmo, three cosmo, four cosmo,

one beer, two beer, maybe three beer.

It's a song I really, really enjoy. Heck, it's a song that everybody's allowed to make a fool out of themselves to. I am good to go. I am ready to hit the floor. And I also ready to not care about what people think about how I move my body. I am here to let go. I am free.

The realisation of what my life is going to be like in the coming months hasn't fully dawned upon me. I haven't fully yet registered that I am actually moving away for half a year. Most of all, I haven't mainly come to terms with the fact that my dreams are indeed being fulfilled. Am I undermining myself or over mining others? I can't tell.

It's all the same. Is it because I have grown out of my roaring-wildness and have moved on to my raging-late-teens. I like to blame a lot of things on my age. But can I really blame anything, not the fact that I am only 18? Or, wow, I am 18. I turned 18 today. How do I celebrate this fact without being sad about a lot of other things.

That's the oldest I have ever been. The sift from adolescence to my adulthood has been relatively swift, and I didn't come to fully acknowledge it only until now. I see what I want in life, and I go behind the things I want with all the will I own.

It takes years of self-sabotaging behaviour and neglect to finally be able to stop glamorising the grind. The blatant dismissal of my righteous anger and indignation and stereotyping it as crazy will not do, sir.

I know, the club isn't the best place to find love, so the bar is where we go, right?

But,

It really is worth it,

Every second of it.

It is!