37 Depths

Dix woke up in his room, gasping for air, like everything that happened was just a bad dream. It soon dropped out of his memory, so he wasn't really able to think too much about it. He proceeded to get out of bed with some problems. He didn't want to wake up. But unfortunately there still isn't something like 'basic income' or anything similar, that would make him able to stay at home all day. Thus he had to go and work for his bread.

Dix went to take a shower, ate some breakfast of instant-noodles, then he grabbed his suit and tie. He checked the clock hanging above his fridge and realized he will be late if he doesn't pick up the pace. Knowing this he shoved the last bite into his mouth and rushed outside to get into his car.

He drove trough the packed streets of Detroit like he did every single day. But now there was something strange too. Usually everything was way... grayer. But this time all the buildings seem to be on fire, their roofs were burning with huge orange flames that gave some color to this wretched city. It was a bizarre sight, but he had already lived worse before, so he just ignored it and continued on.

When he arrived to the company's building it was burning the same way as every other. He just hoped the AC will be working. As he approached the doors to enter, a few people, that were standing at around the door, greeted him with a smile, while he simply mumbled something and moved on, not stopping for even a glance.

He was a mid-manager of a well-going programming company, and even though he was good at programming himself, he barely touched it anymore, as the company business took most of his time. Worrying about shareholders' demands, maximizing profit, approving or denying different requests. The work was never ending. Soon he stood up, as work hours seemed to end. He got into his car to get home. The buildings were still burning, even brighter than before. It just hurt Dix's eyes and he was simply annoyed.

When he got back home he moved right over to his computer to check out his favorite light novel's latest update. By the time he gets home every day he is greeted by a new chapter. This time wasn't any different either. He read it trough, and seen that it was some sort of shit ending. Then he noticed the last words. The author wrote he will drop this book and will do some actual work, as he was running short on money.

This deeply disturbed Dix, but he couldn't do anything about it, so he just shrugged and moved on. He tried to play something, but nothing was entertaining for him anymore. He turned toward the middle of his room. There was a noose hanging from the ceiling, and there was a chair prepared under it. It was there to remind him of his only real option. He felt like he had seen all there is to this world, so he stood up and approached his destiny. He slowly stepped onto the chair, reached for the rope and slowly pull it over his head, then fixed the noose on his neck. With a sudden jerk he took a leap of faith, and kicked away the chair from under him so he can't look back even if he chickens out at the end.

Everything suddenly went dark. There was nothing there, just the empty void. Dix couldn't see or feel anything, he was simply lying on something in the darkness. As time went on he started to discern a certain burning feeling in his belly. It was familiar, but alien at the same time. Over time it spread through his whole body, giving him both warmth and pain at the same time. It felt like it was overwhelming him in this defenseless state he was in. He wanted to opposite it, out of sheer instinct, but he didn't have the strength to do anything, so he just succumbed to it, like to everything else before.

The fire broke trough his barriers, and turned his consciousness into a pit of raging inferno. It burned him thoroughly, not leaving a single corner uncharred. But it somehow didn't hurt. In fact he was able to see again. He was lying on his back in some puddle, with the water reaching almost to his ears. Soon the fire retreated, but the light remained. He was able to see where he was. It was a familiar sight of infinite metal corridors and pipes. He knew where he was, even though it felt like a dream.

"What happened?" came a question in a deep and loud voice. It shook his entirety. He was urged by an overwhelming pressure to turn towards the source of the voice. There he was, a huge fox sitting behind bars, staring at him with its huge red eyes. He knew where he was, because he visited this place so many times in the past. Soon the memories started to come back to him, and his existence was beginning to fuse back together once again.

"Kurama..." Dix said with a blank voice and look.

"What happened...?" he asked once again, with a bit more force in his voice.

"I... I don't... I failed." Dix answered after some hesitation. He was thinking about his previous life, his death, and even his new life.

"What do you mean? Its only been a month. How could you have possibly failed?" he asked with an amused voice. Kurama knew the kid was going trough some sort of crisis, but he didn't have insight into his psyche, he could only tell if he had good or bad intentions, positive or negative thoughts. And there was neither of them. It was hard for Kurama to believe, but he decided to ask about it later. Because of this he had no idea what actually happened or what Dix went trough, but his behavior distressed him quite a bit. He thought its just the lack of rest and the kid overworking himself, so he was simply amused by his antics.

Dix couldn't answer. The memories of his new life were battering at his mind, slowly pouring into him and overwhelming his brain. He saw them flashing by, all of them. He noticed a pattern he was familiar with. Something terrifying. He was doing the same as before. He was doing the same thing over and over, the same thing that killed him in his last life. He understood something. Even death didn't change him.

He was given a second life, but he will squander it away just like the first. Nothing changed, and its going to be the same over and over. How many chances does he need to finally become happy?

Kurama saw that the kid was down for some reason, and felt like he had to encourage him, at least for the sake of the world.

"Okay, whats with the sulking? I know you are on a tight schedule, but if I remember correctly you said the invasion will begin 7-8 years from now. You are already plenty strong, why do you want to rush it so bad? You are just human, like you were before. If you continue this neck-breaking speed your neck will actually break. Or something inside you. Rest a bit. You need it to operate efficiently."

Hearing Kurama talking about something he couldn't really understand Dix looked up with teary, anxious and scared eyes, and started focusing. He was trying to learn the technique he wanted to acquire the most, but then his psychological condition resurfaced. He also remembered he put everything aside and rushed with the technique, just so he can learn it as fast as possible. Just like the ones before that. But this one was a solid wall he couldn't break. He was the one to break instead.

"Look, I know you have the responsibility to save the world from its destruction, but you really should think about yourself too. If you break yourself you won't be able to finish your mission. So instead of going back to the technique, you go and be with your friends for a change. I don't exactly know what you think of those kids, but they are good cubs and you could enjoy their company if you looked at them as fellow humans instead of means to an end..."

"My... friends..." came the shaky answer. He never believed in friendship. He was always alone, ever since he was born, so he never felt like he needed anyone else. What could a few pesky kids do to help him? But... People seemed to say the same thing in his previous life. Maybe there is something to it?

Dix was just saved from the clutches of his darkness, so he wasn't able to think with his usual calculating and dismissive demeanor. He felt like he could try it out, at least for a change.