1 Trapped Little Bird

January 14/19

why.... why me? why have My wings been clipped? how come every time my wings grow he is always here to clip them shorter and shorter? will my sings every fly beautifully? I look up at those birds in the bright sunlight and the clean air, and all I can do it let the tears run down My face as I whisper.....one day. I'll never forget the day I met him I'll never forget the feelings of regret i would have rather died than meet that man a second time. My name doesn't matter, my name was taken away from me just like everything else he says no one is allowed to call my name he's the only one who can and all he ever calls me is pet frankly, I don't care so let's call myself Ghulamm or Hoshi which ever you'd like... anyways I met him in my second third year of college, I was a happy girl, surrounded by Friends, had great grades, an amazing job, popular I had a great life full of freedom. my friend kiwi decided we should do karaoke one day I was stressed so I thought a little karaoke couldn't hurt.. oh how I was wrong I wish I had turn away and went right back to my dorm then I wouldn't he here pathetically writing in this diary the only freedom he gives me....but I digress, kiwi was drunk having a great time singing her heart out as her eyes sparkled full of life and stars, as she danced around with no worried and that smile that lit up the room so bright that it yurt your eyes, her short hair with that strawberry highlights flowing up and down as she's dancing on the couch laughing with that fun and ugly laugh of hers reeking if alcohol but giving the room life. we had a friend names Ian he was an amazing guy he danced along with us with his brown short hair and his brown eyes full with ambition and determination as he sang his heart out with that horrible voice of his but regardless of making my ears bleed he made the room sound beautiful and life like, I don't know how to describe how I was that day all I can say is I was free, young, dumb and free, I had to use the restroom so I went hearing kiwi name shouting "HOSHIIIII BE BACK SAFEEE OKKK??!!" her cheerful and annoyingly loud voice made me laugh as I told her " I'll be safe and sound darling" I giggled and I turned a bit too fast and bumped into.....him he looked down at me and when I looked into his eyes it made ms shiver but not from fear... his eyes were frozen cold for a split second and them turned into this burning heat full you could see the fire In his eyes like a wolf had finally found his prey, he looked down at me and I apologized he said no need to apologize and took My soft hands into his rough, large hands it felt like he typed way too much and was constantly cramped he asked me what my name was and I had told him he said it was sweet and sad, I don't remember what my name wish I could let you know so you could be the judge of it, I smiled gently and his eyes lit up he joined karaoke with us. His name was..... Mr. brown....yeah let's go with that, Mr. brown had deep black hair with sharp cold eyes his smiled was so warm and gentle yet so cold and wicked his touch was cold but his words were warm he had shine in his eyes but only when he looked at me when he looked away his eyes were glossy and frozen like his emotions has been sucked out of him he always had a murderous gaze so I had to always fiddle with him so make sure he didn't hurt my friends, at first I shook it off " I shouldn't judge others maybe That's just how he is and I'm being unfair" but no my gut was telling this birdy to fly... to fly as far away from this hunter spread your wings and fly before he shoots you down you dodo bird, but I didn't listen and man.... I really wish I had.

I have to go now so here is a song I'll leave at the end if my dairy's... just a few more weeks and I'll be free...til the daylight diary.

little birdy looking so free, look at your self and spread your wings, go and see the world and keep on flying, never stop, never drop, keep on going higher, no one can stop this birdy while she spreads her wings! even when she's been knocked down she'll get up from the ground and keep on going, and flying til she reach the cloud sniff that's fresh air and look at the ones she knows, the one who cares, the one's below, as she smells the air little sparrow... it's a trap won't you come back for me? please don't go they'll tear off your wings, my poor little sparrow....