1 Change

Melanie's pov

The saying "Change can be a scary thing" is a huge understatement. It's horrible and gives me such terrible anxiety and stress. I don't like it at all. Many people say change can be good, but can it really? I seriously doubt it.

I've always felt so unattached yet so drawn in all the time. Nothing matters to me except everything matters to me. Am I making sense? It's like the feeling where you care about things and others, but you equally don't care about them. And everything seems meaningless. I don't know how to explain it really.

I tune back in to hear my sister going on and on about this guy she likes who's bisexual and her not knowing if he likes her or like this other guy. I don't really care to be honest. I just stare at her blankly as she continues but fails to notice my disinterest. I like my sister, it's just that sometimes she can be boring.

Sometimes I forget to tune back into reality. I tend to put my mind in another world, to cope and distract myself from things I don't want to face. It's cowardly and stupid, I know, but at least I'm being honest here. I know I have a lot of flaws, and a lot of things I need to change, but aren't actually willingly ready to change. But I think it's okay. I'm still young after all.

Before I realized, I was at school. How long have I been lost in my thoughts?? Well it doesn't matter now because I get to see my most favorite person in the world, my childhood best friend Lana! She gets called Lame Lamb by this one dumb jerk in the school. He likes to pick on people in front of his friends, I guess to make himself seem cool?? Or maybe badass?? I don't know, but for some reason he picks on me and Lana a lot. Lana usually ignores it or retorts with a joke and shrugs it off, but I'm short tempered sometimes. Occasionally I'd snap back at him and insult him back but Lana usually drags me away whenever it happens.

Speaking of Lana dragging me away, she's actually a really great friend. She cares for me and has my back like no other person. She comes over my house a lot and helps me with my chores, she calms me down when I get worked up and prevents me from doing anything stupid, she even helps me take care of my fragile mother and deals with my sister when I need a break from her. She's really the best and makes me very happy. I love everything about her. I love the way she smiles, and the way she taps her pencil or pen against her other hand when she's lost in thought, I love the way she talks about things she likes, like movies or songs, she always sounds so enthusiastic about it but also keeps this tone like I would be missing out if I didn't check out whatever it was she was talking about. She's so beautiful too. Oh goodness don't even get me started on how beautiful she is. She-

"Are you done staring into space and smiling like an idiot? You look so creepy." Jake said, standing next to me at my locker.

Ugh. I hate how aggressive Jake sounds when he talks. It's so annoying, as if he's trying to force himself to sound tough.

"What the hell do you want fatass?" I retort, rolling my eyes.

"Fatass? That's funny coming from you, stretched ass." He's making reference of the one time I was in gym and had to wear shorts because my period came unexpectedly and leaked through my pants. And when I wore the shorts, my stretch marks were very visible and he noticed. They're on my ass and thighs and I hate them so much. They make me so insecure.

"Oh really? You must really like me to be noticing me all the time. You do realize that you tend to insult or mention my looks a lot right? Obsessed much?" I became sassy, in which I guess he didn't like.

"I only mention your looks because you're fucking ugly. And for your information, I only notice you because your hideous existence makes everyone want to gag."

"Well y'know what? Go fuck yourself you jerk. I'm sure your parents would be really proud of you, knowing their son is a terrible person!" I walked away to go to my class, clearly now put in a bad mood. Luckily, Lana was outside the classroom waiting for me. I only have two classes with her so I tend to focus on enjoying the class with her instead of actually learning.

"Hey! How's it hanging girl? I missed you so much!"

"Lana- it's only been a day since we last talked-" I say, already smiling.

"I know but a day is like, wayyyy too long for me. Did you do your presentation for English class? I made a backup presentation in case you didn't." She smiled sweetly at me after saying this. She's. So. Cute.

"I- Uh yes, I did it, don't worry." She's so amazing oh my lord.

"Okay that's good! Okay lets get going before the bell rings." We went to our seats in the class and waited for class to begin. She sits at the front right of the room, near the teacher's desk, while I sit at the front left side. The teacher doesn't like pairing friends up near each other because they tend to talk during class. It kind of sucks to be honest.

We got through our first 4 classes before I had lunch. They were the same as usual, boring and tiring. I couldn't help but fall asleep. Somehow, the teachers didn't notice me sleeping in class. I grabbed a tray and got some pizza and fries with chocolate milk. The other regular drinks cost more money. As soon as I sat down in my usual spot, Lana made her way over with her usual great smile, and that made me smile. God she makes me so happy.

"Oh my gosh you would not believe what happened today! I was asked out by the most cute and wholesome guy ever! This is so exciting!"

"Uhh, and who is that exactly..?" Oh no.

"You know the guy in our biology class? The one who ties his hair up a lot and asks way ntoo many questions?? That's him!"

"And what was your response..?" Oh nooooo.. Please don't tell me she said yes.

"I said yes!! I'm so happy right now! He invited me to go to church with him this Sunday! Isn't that cute?"

Why is it suddenly hard to breathe?? Oh fuck, this isn't good. She's looking at me like a puppy waiting eagerly for it's food. I try to hold a smile and congratulate her without showing my real feelings. 

"Congratulations.. I'm.. really happy for youu.." I smiled awkwardly. It's a good thing that she's too positive minded and.. kind of dense to notice it. God she's gonna get more distant with me as she dates him.It doesn't help that today's Wednesday, halfway through the week. 

"In fact, I invited him to come sit with us  everyday at lunch now!" She spoke excitedly.

Oh noooo.. The one thing I didn't expect even though I should've.. I then noticed him walking towards us and dreaded what would happen next. He walked directly up to me and introduced himself as he held out his hand.

"Uh, hello Melanie. Lana told me good things about you. My name is Ethan, I'm.. Lana's new boyfriend." He spoke with a strained voice and laughed awkwardly. Dear god, he's gonna be one of those guys who tries too hard to get my approval to date her, isn't he?

"Hey. I'm Melanie." I say, clearly feeling salty and wishing he didn't exist. He's gonna ruin my relationship with her ughhhh! I noticed that Lana was staring at me, waiting for what I was gonna say next. "I- Nice to meet you too. And excuse me, I just remembered something I gotta do." I say quickly as I got up and rushed away.

 I could feel my eyes already starting to tear up. I don't know where I was heading to, but I was passing by Jake and his dumb friends when he decided to trip me and laugh at me on the floor. His friends laughed at me too. I just turned and glared at him with tears in my eyes already. Fuck I need to get out of here. He stopped laughing and gave me a weird look. Whatever. I got back up and ran away from them. I went to the field outside and hid under the bleachers, a spot where I normally retreat to whenever I'm upset or need to be alone. 

Why has things turned out this way..? After all these years of knowing Lana, she never seemed to be interested in guys. She only took interest in me and music mainly, oh and old drama movies. I became overwhelmed from thinking back on today's events and started to cry. 

"Um, what's wrong with you?" I turn to notice Jake of all people standing there to my left, leaning against the gate. He had wasn't looking at me directly though, he was avoiding eye contact. 

"Why do you even care?? My problems don't even concern someone like you! God, why are you even here anyways??" I snap back at him. 

He puts his hands in his jacket pockets and pulls out a lighter and cigarettes. He then came and sat right next to me and lit a cigarette. He smoked it and then offered me some. I declined, I didn't know he was a smoker. He's was always the type to secretly do all his homework but then lie about it and say that someone else did it for him or gave him the answers. I expected him to act like a douchebag,  but not a smoker. Guess I don't know him as much as I think I do, even after going through all of middles school with him, and 3 years of high school. 

"You didn't answer my question Jake. What are you doing here next to me, smoking a cigarette and acting like you even want to know what's going on with me?" I asked with suspicion. 

He didn't reply for a while. 

I said never mind and then got up to leave, wiping away my tears. 

"Mel.." He said, standing up and tossing out his cigarette. "Want to get out of here and skip school?"

"What..? What do you.. Huh??" What is he talking about?? Why is he acting like this?? Doesn't he hate me?? "What's gotten into you? What happened to the jerk who tripped me over in the hall and laughed at me earlier??"

He bit his lip and then asked again, now sounding nervous. "Do you want to.. or not..?" He finally looked me in the eyes. I don't know why, but I've never noticed how green his eyes actually were. And for some reason, I felt really compelled to say yes. 

"Well.. Kind of.." I responded.

H e then took my hand and led me to the gate at the side of the football field. "On the count of three, I'm gonna lift you up. Grab the top of the gate and try t pull yourself up and get to the other side." 

"Uh.. okay.." Why am I agreeing to this??

He counted to three and lifted me up by foot. He placed his hands out for me to step on and use as a boost to lift me up. I somehow pulled myself up and threw myself on the other side of the gate. He hopped the gate with ease though. Seems like he's done this before. We walked to his car that was parked a bit away from the school and got in. He had a jeep renegade. Wow, it seems so mature for someone like him. 

He drove around for maybe 30 or 45 minutes  before entering the highway. Where is he taking me?? The whole time we were both silent. There wasn't even music on either. It was weird, but somewhat comforting. A lot has changed in just one day.. I'm afraid yet intrigued on what's gonna happen from now on.. I guess I'll have to see.