When I'm With You

[Adrian's POV]

He could trace desperation in Johan's kisses. His touches, needy. When another tear slipped at the corner of his eyes, he had to pull away.

"Han." Adrian grabbed both sides of his face, pressing their forehead together. "Han, tell me what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Nothing is wrong, Adrian." Johan reached for his lips again. "I just need you." Kiss. "Close." Another kiss. "Inside." And another one. "I want you inside me now."

"I can't," Adrian said. "Not when you're like this."

"Okay." Johan dropped his weight to the bed. Grabbing the sheets, he gently pushed Adrian away and cocooned himself in a fetal position. "Lock the door when you leave."

Adrian opened his mouth, then closed it again. Carding his fingers through his hair, he got up and walked to the living room with a sigh. They were just happy earlier. He must have fucked up somewhere in their conversation in the kitchen.

Was it the eggplant joke?

Or was it because he asked about his family?

Adrian picked up his discarded clothes on the floor, pausing when he saw the blinking light of his smartphone on the coffee table. He cursed upon seeing the text messages from Rhia an hour ago.

———

Babe: Be out at 12nn.

Babe: Ull pick me up, ryt?

Babe: U asleep?

Babe: It's ok if u can't. I'll just commute. Rest well babe :)

Babe: I love u :)

———

Adrian rubbed his face. The messages were sent around ten, most likely on her last fifteen minutes break. It's already seventeen minutes past eleven. He still had enough time to drive back to the company. He typed a quick reply.

Adrian: Be there to pick u up

After slipping back into his work clothes, Adrian walked to the bedroom. "Han? I'll be going."

Johan sniffled. "Dri-ve safely."

The break in his voice ripped Adrian. How can he leave Johan when it felt like he needed him the most? He's obviously upset about something he doesn't want to share. But Rhia...

Crawling back to bed, Adrian pressed against the curled body. He pulled Johan so they're face to face.

"I thought you're leaving?" Johan asked, not meeting his gaze.

"Yeah." Adrian shifted closer, cupping the back of Johan's head to press him to his chest. "A little later maybe? Once you're feeling better."

"Okay." Johan hugged back and closed his eyes. "Thanks. I guess."

"You're not going to tell me what's on your mind?" Adrian asked.

Johan shook his head and turned around again. He only grabbed Adrian's hand and circled it around him so he's cradled protectively in his arms. "I don't want to talk about it. Let me just sleep and I'll be fine."

Dejection prickled his chest. Johan didn't trust him enough to share his troubles. He cannot force him to talk. All Adrian can do was to let him lay his head on his arm and squeeze tighter to let him feel safe. To whatever's haunting him.

A kiss to the forehead and Adrian let his eyelids flutter shut. Sleep consumed them, unbothered by the phone vibrating under the pillow.

It was late in the afternoon when Adrian jolted from his slumber. It's as if he was reminded of something he needed to do, but through his sleep-induced mind, he couldn't figure out what he's supposed to do.

He grumbled at the disturbing shrill sound of the alarm clock on Johan's bedside table. It flashed 5:01 PM.

Hitting the snooze button, Adrian nestled back to the warmth beside him. Only to jumped when realization dawned onto him.

Rhia. He told Rhia he'd pick her up.

Shit.

Adrian shot up and scrambled to his feet in search of his phone. He ran to the living room to check if he left it on the coffee table. Nothing. He went to the bedroom and found the device peeking underneath a pillow.

The sleeping body stirred at the sudden movement, and Johan woke, scrubbing his eyes. "Adrian... You're still here?"

Adrian felt restless. Five hours of sleep wasn't enough. The inviting warmth tempted him to close his eyes and never wake up. And the missed calls and unanswered texts scared him. Half of them were from his Mom.

Their gaze met. And Johan understood the situation.

"I need to go, Han."

A hand latched to his wrist when he stood. "Go take a quick shower first."

"But Han—"

"I'm sorry. This is my fault." Johan shuffled to his feet and dragged him to the kitchen, slipping his fingers to his own. "But I don't want you getting into any accident. Calm yourself with a cold shower. I'll prepare some coffee."

The gesture already calmed his anxious heart. Helpless, Adrian's arms moved to wrap around Johan as he grabbed two cups in the kitchen drawer. "Why is it when I'm with you, I don't want to go home?"

"That's a problem." Johan whirled to face him. He placed a soft kiss at the corner of his lips. "Because this empty apartment is starting to feel home when you're around."

"But I keep messing up, don't I?"

"It's already a mess to begin with."

Adrian's grip tightened. "Can I stay here if my Mom kicks me out?"

"Let's not jump into conclusion." Johan pulled away and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Now, go on and take a shower. You'll need one anyway since we have shift later."

"I forgot that too." Heck, he even forgot he has a girlfriend. Guilt prickled his conscience knowing he stood her up. It piled to the fact he's cheating behind her back. What she didn't know won't hurt her, right?

After taking a shower and discussing what he should tell his mother over a cup of coffee, Adrian stepped out of Johan's apartment. Odd enough, despite the worst-case scenario playing in his mind, the wind only washed the fear away as he drove home. It only crept up to him the moment he stopped in front of their gate.

Their front door gave an ominous creak when he opened it. Darkness greeted him, which was strange. Their house was eerily quiet. Not even a bark from their German shepherd. He couldn't see their family car in the garage either.

Instead of calling if anyone's home, Adrian trudged to the stairs and into his room. Relief washed his entire being the moment he slumped on his bed. He didn't dare to check his Mom's messages, scared that it would only discourage him to go home.

Johan promised he'd vouch for him like last time with Rhia, not wanting any kind of trouble for both of them. He kept saving his ass whenever he fucked up, and Adrian felt utterly useless for relying on Johan to keep their relationship hidden.

But for how long would they hide their relationship? Adrian didn't know the answer.

Fishing his phone from his pocket, Adrian checked the messages.

———

Babe: Where r u?

Babe: U still coming?

Babe: Babe?

Babe: U fell asleep didn't u

Babe: I'll just commute. Sleep tight :)

———

If he's a douchebag for cheating, he's an asshole now that he stood her up. Adrian rubbed his face and dialed her number. Rhia picked up after the fourth ring.

"Babe?"

Adrian sighed. "Sorry, Babe. I fell asleep." Only, he fell asleep in someone else's bed.

"I know!" Rhia only laughed. Her clear voice held no malice at his mistake. "But it's okay, Babe. I know you're used to sleeping around noontime. I'm used to it too and it's hard trying to adjust to my new schedule. I even dozed off at the pantry earlier while waiting for you."

A heavy feeling pressed his chest tight, and his room suddenly felt cramped. Adrian fell to his back, bouncing on his bed. "Sorry. I'll make it up to you, okay?"

"I wouldn't mind a date," she chirped. "If that's what you're hinting at?"

"Okay. We both have Sunday off, so... Movies?"

"I'll look forward to it. Oh! By the way, your Mom called earlier, but I was asleep so I didn't get to answer. Is everything okay?"

Adrian didn't know. He found their house empty when he got home. He won't tell her that, though. At the sound of her mother's call could be heard in the background, Rhia didn't ask further.

"Babe, I gotta go. It's dinner. You prepping for work?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, okay. Later, Babe!"

"Later."

Not even a minute after the call ended, his phone vibrated again on his palm, his Mom's caller ID flashing on the screen. He hasn't read her messages yet, so he didn't know what to expect. Albeit hesitant, Adrian pressed the answer button.

"Mom?"

"Thank God, you finally answered! Where have you been?"

Adrian frowned at her restless tone. "I'm in my room right now. Where are you and everyone?"

Muffled noises were on her end. As if she's on the road. Adelia sniveled. "We're on our way to Pangasinan."

Wait, they went on a road trip? But why does she sound like she's crying?

Adrian stood and strode to the window beside his bed as he waited for her mother to drop the bomb. When she did, his gut twisted in a painful knot.

"Your brother." Adelia held a sob. "A-Aaron was shot in an encounter."