6 Uncomfortable Comfort

[Johan's POV]

He never thought there would come a time he'd fear pressing the biometric door lock. Johan stood in front of the frosty glass door with thousands of life choices swirling in his mind. The consequence of his foolish, drunken confession came crashing down on him like tons of frozen hydrogen oxide, hydrogen peroxide, hydrogen sulfide, and anything with hydrogen in it.

Since when did he become a fucking chemist?

The digital clock flashed 8:58 PM in green inviting light. If the biometric system denied him access, he will go home and faked stomachache.

Access Granted. Johan Fernandez. 8:58 PM.

Fucking piece of trash! Of all the times it could have granted him easy access, it chose tonight.

With a sigh, Johan pulled the door open. Four chairs turned on him, as if the girls occupying each seat has been expecting him. What's this? Where was he? The Voice?

"Good evening," he greeted, trying to act nonchalant as he walked to his desk chair.

"Good evening, Jo!"

Wow, that's the most synchronized greeting he'd ever heard since elementary. And what's Christy and Jacqueline doing in the office so early? They're in the mid-shift schedule.

"How's your weekend?" Christy asked in a voice that resembled those in a morning talk show.

"My weekend is okay. Nothing out of the ordinary," he answered, logging in to his computer. Were they not going to comment about his consistent nine o'clock log in? Seriously, no one has ever achieved such a feat in the company aside from him. He deserved an award.

The door opened again and Adrian entered with his charming smile. He sauntered to his desk, reaching a hand to tickle Johan's ears as he passed by. The girls squealed like dying seagulls.

Johan covered his face as blood rushed to his cheeks. How did his quiet life turn into something like this? He was sure he's hidden it well. A tap on his shoulder made him peeked from the gaps of his fingers. It was Thesa.

"It's okay," she said, flashing a motherly smile. "We accept you for who you are. You don't need to be scared."

Well, that's oddly reassuring. The others gave their own declaration of support, telling him not to be ashamed of who he was. When Adrian stood to embrace him from behind, the girls just lost it. They started pounding on their desks, abandoned their jobs, and why were they so happy about this?

Johan was unsure if the series of events that led up to this was a positive thing. Despite their encouragement, he hoped the girls realized they're shipping him to someone who's already taken.

And why the hell was Adrian playing along with their schemes? Was he not worried about being labeled as gay, or bisexual since he's got a girlfriend? What if Rhia learned about it? Except that this might be a cruel joke all along.

Lunch break came, and Johan had slumped on the iron chair at the pantry, exhausted. He felt his facial muscles strained from too much blood suffusing its tissues in the past few hours. Whoever thought that blushing was cute can go suck his blood. It's a tiring experience! Not cute at all.

Johan took out his lunch box and prepared to eat. People would sometimes give him funny looks because bringing lunchbox was so pre-school. But he doesn't like the stuff they're selling at the pantry. Their menu was repetitive, the viands tasted bland, and not to mention pricey. They can all die from food poisoning, but he's eating something home-cooked.

He was halfway through finishing his stir-fried potato with egg when Adrian sat in front of him.

"That looks yummy, Han," he said, smiling. "Can I try?"

Try what and how? He's only got a spoon and fork. "Uh, sure. Do you have—"

"Thanks." Adrian didn't even let him finish talking. He grabbed the fork in his right hand and dig in. "Hmm.. jelishoush!"

Johan's mind went blank for a minute. He had licked that fork and it's coated with his saliva. Not that he had a virus or anything, but that's just disgustingly... hot? Okay, he should stop taking everything out of context. They just shared a fork, so what?

"You're getting red again."

And stop blushing, Self. Damn it!

Johan bowed his head and avoided eye contact with the man seating in front of him. He continued eating without his fork, hiding his trembling hand beneath the white table.

Back when everything was kept hidden, it's easy to talk to Adrian. It's easy to steal glances with no one giving meaning to it. It's easy to appreciate the little attention that made his heart flutter.

Now, he felt exposed. It's as if they have stripped him down naked in public. Even without looking, or talking, or even when he's not doing anything at all, it felt like everyone's eyes were on him, watching the next move he'll make.

It's not fun at all.

"Han, are you okay?" Adrian placed down the fork on the lid of his lunch box. He reached a hand and gripped his shoulder, but Johan shrugged it off.

"I'm okay."

A thick cloud of silence settled between them, dark and brooding. Johan finished the last of his meal, shoved the utensils inside the red box, and stood.

"Han?" Adrian stood as well, but Rhia emerged from the glass door, her dark long hair cascaded on her back like a waterfall.

"Babe! Lunch?" she called, eyes briefly meeting with his.

Johan forced a smile and nodded to acknowledge her. "Gotta go. Enjoy your lunch." He grabbed his lunchbox and walked away, leaving the lovers to eat by themselves.

The rest of their shift went on smoothly. Small chatters were exchanged, but they had diverted their conversation to topics unrelated to him. Something he's thankful for. When their shift ended, Johan was the last to leave his desk.

"Jo, are you going to the old market today?" Thesa asked as she fumbled in her locker.

Dialing the combination of his padlock, Johan looked up. "Yeah. I need to restock."

"Let's go together then. I need to buy something."

"Okay."

They exited the building of Blue-League Mortgage with the sun already peeking from the mountain range. As soon as they got out of the gate, Adrian's motorbike passed by with Rhia on the passenger's seat, hand secured around his waist.

Thesa patted his lower back to console him and Johan rolled his eyes. He doesn't need comforting. It's just a crush.

Okay, maybe more than just a simple crush because he's sexually attracted to the blond, but that's it. It's not like he's expecting something more out of his silly infatuation. He's just a guy with a healthy libido, and Adrian happened to be the closest attractive being he could fantasize with.

Fantasy won't hurt him. Reality would.

———

Olongapo City has two major markets; the old and the new. The old market would open around two in the morning, and prices were at its lowest especially for fresh fruits and vegetables.

It's been a routine for him to go to the market every Tuesday, buying fresh products that would last him for a week. After getting everything they needed, Johan and Thesa went on their separate ways.

Johan carried two plastic bags as he walked to the bus station. He just passed by Rizal Triangle Park when a black motorbike slowed on his side, startling him with a loud honk.

"Need help?"

He gripped the two plastic bags and lifted them a little, trying to calm the wild beating of his heart. "No. I can manage," he said and continued his trek.

Adrian wheeled over, trying to match his pace. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's easier to walk carrying these."

Johan rounded a corner away from the main road, hoping the blond got the message. He's not a frail person in need of help to carry two bags of vegetables and fruits. He can carry ten if he wanted to.

He could no longer hear the motorbike's engine from behind, so he assumed the blond had stopped following him. To his surprise, Adrian appeared on his side, grabbing one of the plastic bags he's holding.

"What are you—!"

"This is heavy. Please tell me these aren't potatoes."

Well, he's not mistaken, but there were other vegetables in there too, like cabbages, chayotes and, hold on, that's beside the point! Johan looked back, seeing the motorbike parked beside a fast-food restaurant.

"Okay, Dude. Stop." Johan grabbed his belongings back, glaring when Adrian refused to let go. "Can you stop treating me like a princess? It's annoying."

"I'm not," Adrian said. "I'm just offering help because you looked like you need one."

"I didn't ask for it."

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, eyebrows pinching together in a serious frown. "I'm trying to be nice. I'm trying to make you feel that even if you've got the hots for me, we can still be friends. Is that not what you want?"

Johan stayed silent and looked away.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

He didn't answer, and Adrian interpreted his silence as yes. It's funny because more often than not, straight guys got uncomfortable when they found out a friend's gay, not the other way around. Especially when the said gay friend was lusting after them.

"Fine. Sorry for being nice." Adrian let go of the bag and walked away.

Johan trailed his retreating back with his eyes, heart clenching in his chest. If he's being honest, he appreciated the blond's kindness. It's just that he's starting to get mixed signals, and he didn't like it.

He can't lose another friend because of the growing hope that maybe, maybe there's something more. Not when three hearts' at stake.

Someone would get hurt, inevitably. Most likely him.