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There was something extremely off putting about the atmosphere of the long high school hallway, almost like a giant sign was floating above listing my secret sins. I felt eyes drifting from me then back to their cliques. Of course, my mind was exaggerating the whole scene but how else am I supposed to justify my alienated feeling.

Luckily, I arrived to class physically unscathed even if my reputation didn't, and I took my place in the back seat of class. The room filled with cluttered conversations before any students could enter that's when my attention diverted down a different path. What I recently discovered scorched its whorey image into my brain, and like a parasite it infected my every thought. There was once a time when I didn't believe that love existed in high school and that it was something that bloomed with maturity. Then I met Nick, who recently met my friend, Kate, and I guess my love wasn't good enough. It sounds pathetic I know, but love and heartbreak is my new friend.

"MaeBee?" I heard the question as if the person asking were in a separate room. It didn't occur to me that the person was a mere arm's distance away until the pressure of a hand interrupted my daze. "MaeBee, class just ended. Are you feeling alright?" the concern dripping from my English teacher Mrs. Pearl could drown me, had class really ended? I guess the news didn't travel well in the teacher world. Who knew teenage heartbreak could be so distracting.

"I'm peachy," I retorted sarcastically. I was being rude, but all day my words have been in their graves and what I've noticed about post-apocalyptic movies the zombies aren't too considerate.

"MaeBee," she sighed, not sure how to take my attitude and I wasn't going to give her time to understand either. Before more words could spill from her mouth, I escaped, briskly walking back to the slowly clearing hallway. Filtering between the students, I spotted Nick but the worse part was that he spotted me.

"Bumble," Nick called after me pushing through some peers, "MaeBee wait.

I never had the hope of out running him, but that didn't stop me from trying my hardest. In the end, he caught my arm and whipped me around next to the second level staircase that separated the upper division classes from the regular high school credited classes.

"You're overreacting about this," Nick began. "It wasn't even my fault." It never is.

"That's a good way to start explaining things." I hissed, with venom dripping from my words. His grip tightened on my arm, a nervous flurry spikes through my stomach. I knew this tension, and I also knew what I said was wrong. "I'm sorry, why is it not your fault?" It took all my willpower to speak that sentence.

"You need better friends, she was the one who initiated everything," he explained, "I don't want you to associate with her anymore."

Of course, it's my fault. It always is.

"I can do that," I admitted defeat with a sigh, as he slithered his hand down my arm then laced his fingers through mine. There was once a time when I believed in prince charming and then reality settled in.

"See it was nothing, you need to stop assuming so much," he accused, "you know the-"

"Saying, assuming makes an ass out of you and me." I finished for him, but with the tightening of his hand, I realized that was a bad idea, I should know what sets him off by now.

I feel the electric tension as Nick begins to pull me away from my last class of the day. I know my resistance will just result in more consequences, I just have to make him happy again. I should be used to the whiplash of emotions that I get from him, but I don't think anyone becomes accustomed to car accidents.

I know where we're going, by the time we exit the senior doors. His grip on my arm tightens when I start lagging behind and as he starts explaining himself. He's very sincere, I know he's sorry, but the pain I feel isn't fading with the apologies.

Soon enough I'm forcefully pressed against his car, my back burning against the hot metal, his hands on either side of my shoulder.

"Well do you have anything to say?" He asks, but I know how to respond. I bite my lip nervously hoping my actions will help him to move on.

I grab the ends of his jacket pulling him closer to me, I am shaking, but I know he likes it. He likes when I'm scared. I lean up reaching on the tops of my toes to give him a small kiss. He is tense, I just need him to relax, I need to help him relax.

In a sharp movement he grabs me by the back of my head, my hair bunched in between his large fingers, and kisses me. When he pulls away and releases tension on my head he growls "that's not an answer."

In a moment so smooth and quick, I am pushed into the passenger seat of the car. "Buckle up" he mumbles racing out of the parking lot.

I take a deep breath before walking though my front door, my parents will be gone until late. They both work at the hospital and I'm used to their erratic hours. The house is dark and empty, I check the missed calls and delete the ones from the school along with the messages.

The weight of the day began forcing me down. The world around me continued spinning, today felt like it would never end. I could feel the tension and fear begin to creep back into my chest and stomach, but I also forgave Nick.

He was sorry? I just shake my head and adjust my shirt then unbutton my pants as I travel the memorized path to my downstairs bedroom. I'm still trying to unwind from the adrenaline rush. My body is still buzzing from the back seat adventure and my mind is racing. Nick really knows how to get what he wants.

I knew he was sorry, he didn't mean to hurt me.

Are your parents working tonight ? My phone buzzed, pulling me out of my thoughts. In the darkness I hear a tap at my window. Sometimes I just wish he had the patience to wait for me to respond before sneaking over. Maybe even the respect to give me some space.

Just breath, in, out. My stomach twists as I open my window, I know I can't keep him waiting.

"Took you long enough," he states, squeezing his figure through the window. He's quite tall and has to bend in half and crouch to get through.

"Sorry," I apologize, "I didn't think you were coming over tonight." I was actually hoping you weren't coming over tonight.

He pulls me into his arms, lifting me off the ground with his strength. In an instant I forget the day, and that I could get in so much trouble for this. I only want to stay in his arms, feeling his strength squish my pieces back together.

"I wasn't planning on it, but I just want to be with you." He releases me and I exhale the breath I was holding. My nerves are always on edge waiting for something to happen, my way to be prepared. I constantly have a sore jaw from how many times I clench my teeth, and by the end of most days I am so exhausted I'm no better than a zombie.

He kisses my forehead, surprising me out of my thoughts, then stumbles and guides me to my twin size bed. We fall onto the bed as he trips, collapsing into each other. We both laugh quietly and he kisses me gently. My stomach is buzzing happily feeling his arm crush me into him.

There he is, sometimes he's so sweet and it just makes me remember why I agreed to be his girlfriend in the first place. He didn't alway try to make me feel anxious and scared, but I also don't know if he tries or it's just the natural consequences that happen. I still remember when his touch gave me goosebumps and him talking to me made my stomach fill with butterflies. He chose me out of so many, I really should be grateful, but most days I'm just hoping he will set me free.

My room walls are covered with pictures of us, the gifts he's given me decorate my dresser and nightstand, and the teddy bear he gave me has a permanent home on my bed. He gave the bear to me for our one year anniversary. Our anniversary was perfectly timed with the school's winter ball, and he asked me to the dance with it. "I can't 'bear' the idea of not going with you." That's what his note said. At the time I was squealing with excitement, I slept every night holding that bear so tightly I was nervous I would pop the stuffing out.

We danced all night and then retreated to the park. He always wanted to get me alone, I remember thinking it's because he really wanted me. He had given me his jacket, I wore it over my shoulders and he kept a firm hold of the sleeves. Too keep me close. I remember feeling butterflies every time he would kiss me and pull me close to him. His suit looked so good on him but he could also make a potato bag look good. I was just so happy he wanted me. He's the kind of guy that can get anyone and still does, I know of so many girls that have a crush on him. He's mysteriously, handsome, and he has a smile that can get him out of trouble no matter what. He makes me feel like I'm the only one in the world that matters, while also making me feel like I am completely nothing, not even twenty four hours later.

I was still high from the winter ball the previous night, when I was caught off guard by his angry mood. For the life of me I can't even remember why. That was the first day he had ever hit me, after that day I swore I would never be caught off guard again.

The bright light of the morning sun filters through my broken blinds and I wake up alone. Nothing but the pillow to cuddle with.

I hit my bed and I just wanted to scream. I hate when the window is left open, he knows that annoys me. The double standard boils my blood, but I have to try and not let it affect me. He must have forgotten again. With the recent annoyance, I'm reminded of yesterday when Nick kissed Kate and the embarrassment that I would happily take him back made me bury my head in my pillow. How did I accept him back?

I have several text messages from him that I angrily ignore, as I curl up in bed frustration summoning tears that make me cry softly into my pillow. I am alone. Not even Kate has the decency to plead her case to me. I know she betrayed me but she was the last friend I had.