17 The Wise Lover.

Woman and man whene'er inclined,

In mutual goodness pleasure find,

The lawful spouse 'tis sweet to embrace,

In hopes to see a lengthen'd race,

But let who will the truth contest,

Another's wife is still the best.

When I was young and slightly skill'd,

In blisses womankind can yield;

I lov'd the maid, I lov'd the piece;

But as my wit and years increase,

I own the sweetest sport in life,

Is to enjoy your neighbour's wife.

A virgin coy with sidelong eye,

Your mere approach, at once will fly,

Abhors your nasty hot desires,

Nought less than marriage she requires,

Such maidenheads the wise detest,

The adultery maidenhead's the best.

The vagrant nymph who sells her charms,

And fills in turn a thousand arms,

Besides the loss of gold and fame,

May set Priapus in a flame,

Such fire-tailed comets God confound.

A wife is always safe and sound.

The genial flame I've oft allayed,

With buxom Kate, my chambermaid,

And dozens such as her, but found

Such sport with ills beset around;

He who at liberty would feast,

Will find another's wife the best.

A mistress kept at first is sweet,

And joys to do the merry feat;

But bastards come, and hundreds gone,

You'll wish you'd left her charms alone;

Such breeding hussy's are a pest,

A neighbour's wife is far the best.

If you are rash, a wife at first

May into horrid fury burst,

"Sir, you shall rue throughout your life

The day you've kissed another's wife."

Reply, "My dear, this gives the zest,

I always like my neighbour's best."

Jove, I remember, when inclined

To feast himself on womankind,

Though maids enough to him were free,

Always preferr'd adultery;

He took the shape of bird and beast,

To prove Adultery the best.

But while this naughty sport we sing,

Who can forget our gracious King (Geo. IV);

Him many a lady pleasures gives,

For which her husband pay receives,

God bless King George! His Majesty

Is patron of Adultery.

I own the dangers of the suit,

The sweetest is forbidden fruit,

And laws as thick as hairs are set,

Around the center of delight;

This peril gives the highest zest,

And guarded hoard is sure the best.

The wandering nymph your purse desires,

The chambermaid to rank aspires;

Your wife content with marriage dues,

All further license will refuse;

He who has put them to the test,

Must own his neighbour's wife's the best.