16 Part of a Letter From Harriet Keene.

I'll tell you a funny dream I had the night before last. I thought I was sitting on a green bank, and a man was sitting by the side of me; he fell to kissing and talking, but did nothing else. Well, after a while, he got up and went away; then, at the side of me, as I sat there, lay the largest prick I ever saw. It was at least half a yard long, and as thick as the calf of my leg; it had four bollox, but it tapered towards the end. I thought I took it up and felt it. It was warm flesh and blood, and I said to myself, "Why the man has left his prick behind him; what a pity! and it is such a fine one tool what will he do without it?" So I thought to myself, "I wonder if it will spend if I suck it," so I kept sucking it, but it was so big and thick that it made my mouth ache, and I said to myself, "Never mind, it will do to frig myself with." So I got up, and put it under my cloak, and cuddled it so close to me that I felt as lewd as could be. As I was going along I met the man coming back, and when he came up to me, he said, "Have you seen my trumpet?"

"Your trumpet," said I, "why you mean your prick!"

Says he, "You nasty, lying woman, it's my best trumpet."

"Well," said I, "if this is a trumpet, why a trumpet's a prick, and a prick is a trumpet," and I held it up to look at. He snatched it out of my hand. "Now, then, I'll show you if it's a prick or a trumpet," and he began to blow away on it so loud that I awoke and lost my prick and trumpet too.

What woke me up was the sound of a trumpet in the street, so I suppose that was the cause of my funny dream.