11 LIFE IS A PUZZLE

“You hungry?” Mother asked, completely still in her get up. Mask and goggles fully intact.

“There’s food in here right?”

“Yeah. There is plenty of rice left. If you’re feeling frisky, help yourself to some sushi. I’m going to go meet up with your aunt Eriko and some of our girlfriends to get our hair done and then protest in front of city hall. You need anything?”

“No, I should be okay.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

Mother leaves and I stand still in our apartment. It amazes me how engaged she is with all of this. People are protesting for the military to begin to hunt down the Demons as more and more were beginning to pop up. Reports of people becoming infected are coming out, causing more fear to develop. Which means more and more people are starting acting like the world is coming to an end. Might as well be.

For me, I am still thinking of Daisuke. Our talk went, not good. Replaying our conversation, he was very defensive. This was to be expected as anyone would have a hard time admitting that they are perhaps a reckless driver. Looking back, I was going there on a hope and a prayer that he would be open to a serious conversation. Instead, my naivety showed.

Scooping some rice out of the rice cooker, I pour some organic vegan Korean chili paste on top of the rice and began to dig in. It taste really good, even without any meet or vegetables. Sitting down in the apartment, alone, feels…good. It has been my mother and I here for a long time. If she isn’t working, she’s usually here unless there was an event. I’ve never felt this at peace at home before.

My phone starts going off. I am being facetimed by Hina. I open it and see her in her room. I forgot how “eclectic” her room is. She has posters of Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Blue Is The Warmest Color, and Pulp Fiction. Her tastes are all over the place. I think that is one of the biggest things that I like about Hina. She is not afraid to be herself.

“Howdy!” Hina said, making me think that she had just watched a Western.”

“Hey. What’s going on?”

“Not much. I just finished Silverado. It’s a really good movie.”

“Sounds old.”

“It came out in 1985, so yeah, it is old.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen a movie.”

“What’s the last movie that you saw?”

“Liz and the bird.”

“The Naoko Yamada film? I heard that was really good.”

“It was. Not as good as A Silent Voice. But, good nonetheless.”

“I still have not seen A Silent Voice.”

“What?”

“It came out at the same time as Your Name. And Your Name was well, Your Name.”

“Your Name was really good. But that is no excuse to skip out on A Silent Voice.”

“We’ll have to watch it sometime before you leave for Los Angeles.”

“Yeah…for sure.”

“Is everything okay?”

“It just made me think of how everything has changed so much in such a short period. Adding this whole thing with Daisuke and you not coming with me to U.C.L.A, I don’t even know what to make of anything anymore.”

I heard the term “dead air” which is used to describe when there is too much silence on the radio. That is what this moment is feeling like as Hi is saying nothing, looking into my eyes through the screen of her phone. It is funny how everyone wants to have a nice talk, but when you want to talk about something real, then suddenly it’s too much.

“Yeah…A lot has changed. And more change is to come.”

Her coolness is a bit sharp. She has to be acting like this to cover up her true feelings. No way she doesn’t feel the same way that I do. We are embarking on the end of an era. How’s it not going to be sad? The answer is that there’s no way of getting around it.

“It’s okay if you’re sad about it.” I told Hina, hoping that she would open up.

“I know what you’re saying. But it’s not like we’re never going to see each other again. We’ll visit each other. Hell, I may end up moving there in a year or two.”

“What are you going to be doing in the meantime?”

“Good question. Get a job for now.”

That’s coming across so flippant to me. “Get a job for now.” Why not go to college instead and have fun? Experience something new. None of her reasoning makes any sense to me. High school in Japan is like college in America so it would be like us having fun for four more years. Why not have more fun?”

“I don’t get it Hina. Why not just go to school? Wouldn’t that make everything easier?”

More dead air fills our cell phone lines as I could only hear Himari’s breath. I have always felt that a real friendship is about having those hard “heart to heart” talks. If Hina and I cannot get together and lay it all out on the line, then what’s the point of being friends in the first place?

“Sara…” Hina started in a way that felt ominous. “You know, you can say that I don’t want an easy life”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that I don’t want a life where I know what is going to happen. We go to U.C.L.A and get an apartment off campus together so that we don’t take a chance and get paired up with some real bitches. We then study and party for four years. We join some clubs, meet new friends, start a new friend group, party, meet some guys, break some hearts, have our hearts broken. Travel the world in the summer, visit Tokyo and go back to L.A in the fall.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

“On paper it does.”

“So then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that everything in my life has been that way. Sounding great, only to be predictable. Only to be a life where everything is laid out for me. Safe and sound. I don’t want a safe and sound life. I want to take risks. I want adventure.”

“Okay. But then, how is staying here adventure?”

“It’s only a start. Doesn’t mean that I’m going to be here forever. That is where the adventure is. I honestly can’t say what is going to happen to me. And I love that.”

Part of me sees and feels for what she’s trying to convey. Hina and I have lived similar lives. Lives where we have both been good little girls. All our lives we have both been good little girls who did what other mothers us In Hina’s case, her mother and father told her. We have always been good little girls who do what our parents tell us to do without complaints. Well, until my mother

sprung moving to Kyoto on me and I rejected that idea. Outside of that, we have stayed in line and have acted in a way that’s expected of us. In way that will bring honor to our families. Well, hopefully it will.

“Hina, aren’t you scared? Aren’t you worried about what’s going to happen?”

“That is why I am doing it. Part of me wants to face my fears.”

“And moving to the other side of the world isn’t enough?”

“I know that this sounds wonky to you. But, it’s something that I have to do.”

“Okay.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I have some chores to take care of.”

“Oh. Want to play something before you go to bed?”

“I have to catch up on my reading.”

“I understand. Have a good night.”

“Goodnight.”

We end the facetime chat as I lay down on my bed. Ugh. Everyone calls these years the best of your life. But they feel so confusing and dramatic for no reason. Like, everything is going upside or as they could call it at Disneyland “topsy turbie”. None of it felt fair. Why is that my best laid plans never come to fruition?

I pick up Shin Seki Yori and opened up the first page. I’m not able to proceed any further. There are times when I felt like reading. This was not one of them. I put the novel aside and lay down, staring gently at a random spot on top right side corner of my wall. I look at it until I could not keep my eyes open anymore and fall asleep.

“SARA!” Yelled sensei Kichi. Sensei Kichi is maybe one of the best martial artists in Japan. She is a master of Kung Fu, Shaolin Kung Fu, Karate and Taekwondo. All by the age of 29. Instead of traveling the world, she decided to teach martial arts at my school. This is her Judo class.

“Yes sensei?”

“Where are you right now?”

“Is that supposed to be one of those paradoxical questions.”

“No. I am genuinely curious as to where your mind is right now. Because it is sure as hell not here.”

Looking around, I see the other twelve boys and girls that are in the class. They are all looking at me as if I am acting like a little weird. My weirdness is known to slip out every once in while and manifest itself into some kind of awkward aloofness. Sensei Kichi is having fun calling me out on it in front of the whole entire class. That is her brand of sense of humor.

“Sorry.” I told sensei.

“Sara, let me ask you, why are you here? What gave you the urge to begin to practice martials arts? Why Judo?”

“I am here because I do not want to feel weak and pathetic.”

Sensei Kichi glares at me with softness as she puts her hand before her mouth and took a step back. I guess she was not expecting that answer. Then again, why else would I be here? Why else would anyone be here for that matter? We are all here simply to be able to ourselves as better. And the best way to do that?

Build confidence in our bodies.

“I get it.” Sensei Kichi simply put it. “That is where I started to. In life, there are times when you are the bat, and there are times when you are the ball. Sucks when you are the ball.”

“I don’t even want to be the bat. I rather before the umpire.”

“The umpire has the hardest job in my opinion. Keeping everything in check. Right behind the batter. It is a lot of pressure.”

“I’ve always liked pressure. It makes me want to become a better person.”

I think that comment hits sensei Kichi as she began to smirk. Just a bit. But it’s a start. Kichi is as hardcore as they come. She’s slim, wears no makeup, no bra, and never dresses up. She’s good looking so there’s no real need for it anyway. But still, that made a statement to me. A statement that she does not give a fuck.

“A sensei of mine when I was just getting started told me this: “you progress not through what has been done, but reaching towards what has yet to be done.” I was 13 at the time so I did not quite understand what he meant. It took another 15 years to truly grasp the meaning of those words.”

“What was your conclusion?”

“That it is not so much about the result, but about who you become along the way towards achieving that result. That is what matters. At the end of the day, fighting is simply a skillset that anyone can get. Street fighters are going to be more ready to handle themselves than most people who practice any kind of martial arts. What matters is the fact that you grow and are not stuck in

homeostasis.”

“How do you know if you’re stuck?”

“You only become stuck when you think that you already have all the answers.”

To me, those words are scary. It propels me to think back to Daisuke. In way, I’m stuck. I thought that I had all the answers that I needed about how to handle him. However, that is so obviously not the case. I am so in over my head that it’s not funny. I have not quite given up, which is good. But I’m not making any forward movement. I’m not asking for help. All I am doing is allowing myself

to stay stuck.

With that, I get myself together and go into practicing the positions that sensei has been teaching us. My sparring partner is a kid from China named Lei Wei, who is rather skilled at Kung Fu. The position that we are going over is Ude-hishigi-hara-gatame. I’m up and the move is to extend my arm to the side, having the lower part of my stomach against his elbow. It’s a nice defensive

move with bite. Fun to practice as well.

As we switch back and forth, what sensei Kichi said is still with me. I am nowhere close to having all of the answers. So why am I not listening to what anyone else has to say? Who is the person that I can call on to help guide me right now?

The answer to that was too easy.

“Sara!” Goro, my father said. “Great to hear from you.”

My father and I have an interesting relationship. He and mother split when I was three, so I don’t remember them ever being together. He has always been kind, if not absentee. He lives in Hakone, a village in the mountains near Mount Fuji. He is an environmental lawyer but has a nice little home there. He loves it out there and hates Tokyo so I only see him a few times a year. He is a loving

father. Deep down, I know that is to be sure. Though he seems to have a hard time showing it.

“Father, I need your help.”

“What’s up kiddo?”

“Did you hear about the man that ran over and killed a Demon?”

“Might have seen something about it on the news.”

“I was there. I saw it happen.”

“Oh. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. That isn’t the problem. The problem is that he was looking right at me when he ran into the Demon. And even worse, he had hit and killed a human pedestrian before.”

“Sounds like a loose cannon.”

“I went to talk to him, and he was just…just…just…”

“Just an asshole?”

“Yeah! That’s the word! Father, he was just an asshole!”

“Of course he was. It’s a hard thing to admit your negligence is the reason that someone is dead.”

“I get it. But it doesn’t make it right.”

“It for sure doesn’t.”

“So, what do I do?”

“The first question is what is it that you are looking to accomplish from this? You to realize that you are attempting to bring a man’s life down. That is no small feat. I’m also sure that he has a family that would hate to see him and his name dragged through the mud. So, you must be very clear about what your intentions are with this. It is not a game.”

Father is of course right. This is not a game. Why am I doing this? What is the purpose of all this? Obviously, Daisuke is in the wrong. But it isn’t like he is a murderer. He was not gunning down these people. He was careless. Part of it has to be that. It doesn’t seem right for someone who is so careless to be able to maintain a position when his carelessness costs human lives.

“I don’t think it’s right.” I started. “I don’t think it’s right to get away with being a weapon just because the second living organism that he killed was a Demon. If it was another human being, he would be done. It isn’t right and it doesn’t feel right for me to just sit back while he goes back on the streets. I mean, that could have been me.”

There’s a pause. That probably hit my father a bit. But I’m sure it is also helping him to understand where it is that I am coming from. What if I had walked across the street? Would that have been me instead of the Demon. That seed must be planted in his mind at this point.

“What you are looking at is getting a wrongful death lawsuit against him.” My father saisd bluntly.

“How would I go about that?”

“First off, you need to get a lawyer that handles wrongful death. Which is not be

me.”

“Do you know anyone?”

“I’ll ask around and see what I can do. I will say, it sounds like a case that anyone will take on. The fact that he has ran over two living organisms with a car that both have two legs is telling. Even if one of them is a Demon.”

“What should I do in the meantime?”

“Be patient. Read up on the law. Remember when you used to read Hyouka?”

“Used to? I just read the last one!”

“Thought as much. While those are not necessarily the most complex mystery novels, they are mystery novels nonetheless. What all mystery novels have in common is that they are puzzles. Some more complex than others. There is also always an element of suspense. But puzzles. The thing about puzzles is that they all must have a logical solution. There is a logical solution somewhere here.

Now, it is up to you to pull the thread that connects everything and watch it unwind until that logical solution presents itself.”

“Okay. I see.”

“Is everything okay? I know that Tokyo has been the epicenter of this Demon “infestation” in Japan.”

“I have seen some here and there. I can’t lie, it’s creepy.”

“I can only imagine. Down here there has not been many sightings of the Demons. One of the perks of living away from the big city is that it does not attract so much of the madness that the big city has to offer.”

“Yeah, that is true.”

“You want to visit me sometime?”

“Sure. It’s been a little bit.”

“Yeah, it has. I want to see you again. Especially with everything going on. Who knows when next I will see you again?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Who knows?”

“I’ll see what I can do about finding a lawyer that will work with you. Keep me posted, okay?”

“Will do.”

“Bye bye.”

“Bye father.”

The call ends as I am only able sit and stare at my phone. I have never enjoyed playing puzzles. They seem lame to me. Yet, I have always enjoyed reading mystery novels, which in a way are puzzles. I guess I prefer to be an observer rather than a participant. But here I am, right in the middle of chaos. Not because anyone is forcing me to be. Only because I want to be. Thinking of it that way, I feel like I am beginning to go crazy.

I decide to walk the long way home, alone. I take pleasure in doing this from time to time. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with the girls is great. It is just that with everything going on, I’m beginning to crave some space from everyone and everything. Space that will allow me to figure out what the hell is going on.

Walking through the city, a little store front catches my eye. There’s a purplish third eye painting on the top. Below the painting is a sign that reads psychic:16 and up welcomed. I have never thought about whether or not psychics are real. I have heard different stories about them. Seen them in T.V shows. Though, trying them out is not something that I had ever engaged in. Staring at that storefront, the sensation to give the unknown go is creeping itself onto me.

Once I make the bold decision to enter, I am surprised by how dark the room is. Purple and Blue neon lights are the only things that illuminate the area. I see a table and an older woman at the other end. She is in her 70s for sure. The thing about Japanese women is that even that assertation could have no basis. I guess 70s because I notice some wrinkles. But her face looks like a woman in her

forties. Her figure, late thirties. She is wearing a simple, yet colorful kimono. The colors are blue, gold and platinum.

“Welcome!” The woman greeted me. I was not expecting such warmth to come out of a darkly place like this.

“Yes, uh, hi.” Was all I could spit out, feeling in over my head just a bit.

“You’re here because you are lost.”

“Lost?”

“Yes. Lost. If you weren’t you would be home now, would you not?”

She is right. I take for granted the fact that without a g.p.s I would get lost all the time. I actually do not know where I am. I had only wanted to take an alternative route home and did not care about the consequences. I figured that I would guide myself back to my apartment. So far, impressive.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked in a skeptical sort of way.

“Maybe. It is obvious. But then again, it is in my job description to see things that other simply cannot or will not see.”

“Maybe that is why I am here.”

“Please, take a seat.”

There’s a wooden chair right across from her. I pull it out and sit down. After taking my seat it dawns on me that I did not know her name. I am being compliant to a woman who I have no idea who she is. All based off an impressive assumption that could only be a shot in the dark for all I know. In a weird way, I feel comfy with her. As if I have entered the palms of someone with good hands.

“What is your name dear?” The psychic asked.

“Sara. And you?”

“You can call me the Shinrinyoku.” She told me.

“The Shinrinyoku?”

“Yes. Please, do not wear it out.”

Somehow, I know right here and now that this is the beginning of a new world for me.

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