1 I'm tired of all this shit

Winston checked the letter one last time. It looked pretty good. The content was nothing but lots of nagging and excuses. He knew that pretty well, but above all, it was pretty good. He put the letter in his favourite book and left the book right on his old colorless desk. Then stood in front of the mirror to have a last look at himself.

He had shaved his head and trimmed his undeveloped beard to the best one could. His face looked pretty good today, at least way better than what it ever looked like.

He wore his best shirt and jeans and pick up a brand new pair of snickers he kept for an especial day. He knew it wasn't that fashionable, but it was the best he had.

After leaving the room, he glanced at his father. He was sitting in an unimaginable pose on the couch and had a seep of his beer while watching a soccer match.

Winston would often leave the house without saying a word. It wasn't like his father cared where he was. Today was different t though. He made a deal to do it. He wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye. He yelled at his father a loud goodbye and went towards the exit. There was obviously no answers.

He stopped near the door and yelled again. This time his father answered: "i heard you the first time, boy. Just buy some beer for me on your way back."

Winston smiled. That answer was way longer than he expected. Father was in a pretty good mood today. The smile then changed into a devilish grin. He chose the best day for doing it.

Right after getting out of the building, he lit a smoke while nodding his head for his old neighbour. The old man was the nicest guy he knew. Always smiling while looking at him and never giving him one of those sympathetic looks others would use. Winston then saw the heavy plastic bags in the guy's hand. With a silent sigh, he threw away his cigarette and went back to help. Maybe the last good deed of his life.

He went down the block looking way more relaxed than he ever was. He planned it all completely and wasn't the least bit nervous. He wrote his letter, said goodbye to his dad and chose the perfect spot to do it. He reached the spot and took the last look. It was a tall, eight floor, building under construction. Winston knew the night guard pretty well. He was actually a drinking buddy of winston's father. As usual this late in the night, he was drunkenly snoring without a care.

Winston snuck inside without even trying to stay silent and went straight to the top floor.

He checked the view. Any other day he would have gone crazy, seeing such beauty. The building was right beside the river. A bridge went past the river on the left and the gorgeous nighttime lights of the downtown on the opposite site, were reflecting on the dark water. It took him over a minute to take his eyes off the view. He reminded himself. He wasn't here for enjoyment, he was here to commit suicide.

Thinking of the word, Winston sighed. He finally said it. Until this very moment, he did a great job avoiding it. That was how he could stay calm. Seeing his own anxiety surfacing, winston decided to avoid any more delays.

He went to the edge, facing the river. Down below, there was nothing that could save him, nothing but the dark, hard asphalt of the narrow street.

Winston stepped on the edge and only then he saw her. There was a petite girl on the edge right on the other side of a huge pile of bricks. She was sitting on the edge and looking into his eyes with a curious but cautious look in her eyes. Without taking his eyes off, Winston said: "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

She stayed silent for a short while studying him. He took that chance to do the same. Even through those baggy and ugly clothes her slender body shape was obvious. Although with another look, she looked more food deprived than girly slim. She had a pair of gorgeous large eyes, a small and dirty nose and long black hair that reached her thighs.

After a long pause she decided to answer. "don't worry. There's enough space for both of us. Up hear..." she then pointed down at the road below and continued with a smile: "... And down there."

Winston took his eyes off her for just a moment to look at the road again. Then looked back at her and met her eyes again. It was interesting how she knew his exact intentions. Although it was pretty obvious as no sane human being would come up here with any other intention at such hour.

Without knowing the reason, he wanted to continue this awkward yet strangely nice conversation. "how long have you been up here?" many would ask why. That would have been the obvious question. But he didn't want to tell her about his so he knew how she might feel.

"Not that long. I was certain i would jump today but i hesitated long enough for you to arrive. Then i got curious." after a short pause, a devilish grin appeared on her face. "wanna jump together? People would think we were lovers that way!"

He looked at her devilish but cute grin. He wasn't gonna lie. He was somewhat shocked at the comment but so very intrigued. The news could go on the local newspapers. "can't see why not. Come over here."

She stepped back from the edge and went around the large pile. Up close he could see more. He saw a pretty bad bruise right under her left eye, a broken nose and a bandaged right hand. It was obviously a child abuse case. He silently cursed the one responsible for her condition. Then his mouth curved in the most honest smile he could show a complete stranger.

She grabbed his hand as she stood on the edge right beside him. "I'm Mia. Tell me your name too."

"Winston." he answered shortly.

"so are you ready, Winston?"

Winston hesitated. He should have been ready. He even had a partner now. that should have made it much easier. But the fear and the reality of what he was about to do, struck him at that very moment. He cursed himself silently. Why did it have to be now?

After waiting for a while, she continued. "you know the longer you hesitate, the harder it will be. Let's just jump already!"

Winston took his eyes off the narrow road below and looked at her eyes. She seemed calm. Way too calm for someone who was about to do something so insane. "aren't you afraid?" he asked.

"Way more afraid than I seem. But I'm terrified of going back home now. Dad would literally kill me."

So it was her dad. He wasn't surprised. That was the case most of the times. But he couldn't work up the courage to do it. He needed some more time. "we will do it. Just let me smoke one last time."

Her expression didn't change at all. "sure. Can I try one too?"

That surprised him. In any other condition, Winston wouldn't even think of sharing his cigarette with an underaged kid. "sure." but he answered without a pause. It didn't matter anymore, anyway.

He lighted his and gave her one. "don't inhale deeply. Go slow at first." with a curious look in his eyes, he light her cigarette and smoked his own.

A serie of continuous coughs was her first reaction. But she didn't stop. She tried again and again until she could smoke it with none. By that time though, there wasn't much left on her cigarette.

She smiled while smoking the last bit and said. "Well, that was something new. Can't say it was nice, but not that bad." she looked down at the road again and threw the smoke down. She kept her eyes on it until she could no longer see it, then continued. "So, shall we go?"

He had no excuse anymore. He had to do it. Even if he could have backed away alone, he couldn't do it now. That would embarrass him beyond he ever was. Winston didn't say anything, he just nodded his head. That was the most he could do.

She smiled. "On three. One... Two...." she said with an oddly excited voice. "... Three." Winston closed his eyes and braced himself to jump. But he froze shamefully.

He didn't open his eyes. Didn't want to see the girl trusting him to do it together, taking her last breath with disappointment. Tears gathered in his eyes. How could he be such a coward?

A voice pulled him out of his self-loathing thoughts. A very low voice, saying. "couldn't do it again. I'm such a coward."

Winston opened his eyes and saw Mia right there beside him. "you didn't jump?" he said.

Mia changed her expression the moment she saw his gaze. "Nope. And i see neither did you. I thought a partner could help me do it this time. But nope! I'm still here, still pretty alive."

Winston couldn't lie to himself. He was somewhat relieved. "Sorry for being a coward. But I'm happy you're still alive. Would have jumped right away if you weren't. But for a completely different reason I wouldn't be the least bit proud of."

"Wanna try again? I don't think the result would be any different though. If you're ready, you're ready the first try."

Winston looked at her and said while laughing. "so.... Maybe another time?"

Incidentally that made her think. She paused with a serious face for a moment and then said with another devilish but rather excited grin. "That's a great idea. We can have a deal. I'll see you right here in a month. If by then, even one of us was still thinking of doing it. We will both jump. How about that?"

Winston laughed even harder. That was the most insane deal he'd ever heard of. Insane but pretty amusing. "can't see why not. We will write the pact on our suicide notes. It will definitely be on newspapers."

She laughed too. The situation was still somewhat awkward but they laughed way more than what the deal deserved. Out of breath from laughing so hard, she said. " it's a deal, partner."

Winston raised an eyebrow. "Partner?"

"Yup! That's what we are. Partners in suicide!"