3 Emotions

"98."

"99."

"100"

My sweaty form collapses as I finish the last pushup, my arms as sore as a prostitute after their annual day of work. With each part of my body exhausted and complaining at least two times over, I rise to a knee and recite my daily prayer,

"Mary, glorious mistress of pain, please light my way and accept my tribute of agony as you cover me in your blanket of suffering once more." I pray, suddenly doubling over in pain as she answers my daily prayer. After half a minute of heaving on the ground and seizures violently coursing through my body, I finally gain control of myself once more. After rinsing myself with a bucket of cold water, I dry myself in the shattered excuse of a mirror, my battered and scarred body staring back at me. Once done fully drying myself, I throw on the clean clothes Fricn supplied me. After making sure I have my money and notebook in my backpack, I sheath Penance to my waist and my dagger Ardor to its small scabbard above my ass. Lifting the bandana over my nose and mouth, I silently leave my bedroom and down the stairs, entering the tavern portion of the building. The normally loud tavern is awfully quiet, with only a few regulars dining on their breakfast meals. I nod to them, silently thanking them for their continued patronage as they nod their heads back, accepting it as they continue dining quietly, the only noise besides the servers and kitchen staff being hushed whispers and conversations.

Roughly halfway to the exit of the tavern, the back of my shirt is tugged. Sighing I stop and slowly turn, the only person stupid enough to do this is…

"Hey Judas! Where are you going? Shop's open right now"

Charlotte

I groan internally as I face her, quickly putting on my mask as I reply to her question. "As you know, I'm going on this year's expedition and Fricn has decided to sponsor me. I'm heading out to make the necessary preparations for the expedition, it's only a few days away. Don't worry, Fricn already knows and gave me my pay for my years of work here, which will be split equally between all of you guys." Her eyes water as overwhelming emotions corrupts her ability to speak, which I'm rather thankful for. Sadly after a second or two, words do escape her mouth.

"I-I don't know what to say! I can't believe you actually got sponsored! I mean we all agree that if someone here had to, it should be you! Even with you trying to hide it, we are all well aware of the hard work you put in, be it exercise every morning or sparring with the town guard. I mean you risk death by treason just to get an education! Ugh, I don't know if you're stupid or amazing! Your four years' worth of pay here must amount to what? At least two-three sliver? You're just giving that away? Why are you such a good person!"

I'm really not.

"I mean not to fangirl or anything but you're so nice, and humble! I mean everyone else would gladly keep those slivers and kill anyone who even looks at them. But you? You give it away like it's nothing! And don't even start about downplaying you buying the poorest of us food and water, or even teaching them the basics of reading and writing! You do all these things knowing you get no immediate, or frankly long-term benefit! Your… You're like a saint!

Please shut up. It's all a lie, a farce. I don't actually care about you, I did it all to higher my chances of this very moment. You would be eating those words if you knew the truth, please.

Instead of telling her my true thoughts, I just shrug it off, being my usual humble self and telling her "I'm really not, It just pains me to see possible merchants, woodworkers, and knights having their dreams crushed because they weren't born from the right mother."

"You can pretend all you want Judas, but we will never forget what you did for us, and all the pain you put yourself through and will put yourself through fighting for us at Tredor Academy. We all wish you the best of luck" She replies, quickly planting a kiss on my clothed cheek before squealing and running back into the kitchen.

A paradox of contradicting emotions envelop me as I stand there stupidly for a few seconds, hand to my kissed cheek before walking out of the Masked Pig.

What's this warmth? This pleasant feeling? Is this what happiness feels like? Gratitude?

Heh, I wish. Pain strong enough to bring a grown man to knees causes me to slam against the wall, following up me swallowing the blood trying to escape from my mouth. Sorry, Charlotte but you're too late.

I sold my happiness to my mistress for power. Any happiness or positive emotions I get physically pains me, I literally cannot be happy. And if I can't be happy, then I'll sure as hell make sure you all can.

I recite those two sentences over and over again like a mantra until the pain passes, and once it became bearable enough I started to move. Divine jealousy surrounds me, reminding me of the choice I made.

"Don't worry Mary, the only happiness I can get is from you. I'll never forget that" I murmur silently, and the jealousy calms down, and in reward washing the rest of the pain away.

Quickly grabbing my notebook, I consult the ripped map clipped to the inside of it. The closest store to me is the clothing store, so let's just get my new wardrobe over with, and getting myself a bigger backpack off the start doesn't sound too bad either. If the maps correct, the store should be roughly 10 blocks away, near the richer end of town.

"Makes sense, their clothing is tailored more to nobles" I muse, quickly putting my notebook in my waist pouch as I head towards the clothing store, getting ready to check three things off my long list of preparations.