1 chapter 1- Anxiety

ANXIETY.

Anxiety is only an indicator of underlying disease when feelings become excessive, all-consuming and interfere with daily living.

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Y/N'S P. O.V

"jimiiiiiinnnn "

I moan as I look at a shirtless picture of a boy I totally admire. Those perfectly toned abs. I wish I could feel them.

I must be having atleast a million pictures of him.

There are so many hot guys in this world but

my soul aches for only one

Park jimin.

My body aches for him.

But I know I'll never have him.

I know I'll be able to feel his smooth skin .

I know I'll never get to kiss his soft lips and tell him how much I love him.

I know I'll never get to wake up to see his beautiful face beside me.

I love him do much.

I look at the clock.

Wait its 1am already?

I quickly brush and come back to bed.

I plug my headphones and play 'serendipity ' .

That voice.

I don't understand Korean but I love this song.

I don't know what's in this song that sends chills down my spine.

Maybe it's that voice.

The way he speaks Korean.

The way his lips move.

I'm so whipped for him.

IDK how many minutes pass by. I just lay still on my bed trying my best to fall asleep.

My fingers hurt.

I try to massage my fingers hoping the pain would go.

But

It gets worse.

The pain keeps spreading.

Now my hands hurt.

I try to massage my shoulder blade.

Now the pain has spread to my chest .

I'm having trouble breathing.

My back!

Now my whole upper body hurts.

And finally everything hurts.

Then realization hit me.

I'm having an anxiety attack.

I lay on my back trying to breathe.

It hurts

Every bone in my body hurts.

Every muscle hurts .

I don't realize when I start crying.

It hurts so much.

I just wanna hit myself to the wall so hard till I break.

Physically and mentally.

I wanna fall on a still cold floor .

Maybe I should just walk.

Ignoring the pains, I try to get up.

I stand on my feet.

Did the force of gravity increase suddenly?

It's like someone's trying to pull me down.

I can't do this.

I walk to the window and open it letting the cold breeze hit my face.

I shiver.

But instead of going back to bed I lean against the cold wall.

I know it's weird but sometimes I just hug the walls.

It's soothing.

I stay still for sometime .

My knees go weak and I fall.

I lay down on the floor staring at the ceiling.

It's 2am and I have college tomorrow.

I don't wanna go.

I hate that place.

What am I doing with my life? I'm good at nothing.

I'm just a walking nobody.

I'm always temporary for people.

Sometimes I question myself

"am I invisible? "

I prefer being alone most of the time.

But sometimes.

It really gets lonely.

Life is scary.

Will I even have a life?

What if everyone hates me.

What if I really become a no one?

I don't want that.

My chest hurts so much.

It's so suffocating.

My right wrist hurts.

My pulse.

I can feel it.

It's like it's trying to break free.

I feel dead.

No

I am dead.

It's getting cold on the floor.

My face feels like its on fire with all the crying.

I have a pounding headache.

I feel nauseous.

I'm restless.

I need sleep.

Using the little strength left in me I walk back to bed.

Someone save me.

Save me.

Hold me.

I get a lot of anxiety attacks.

I still don't know what could calm me down.

I just curl up on bed and suffer till I fall asleep.

And praying for someone to hold me while I fall apart .

I wish jimin was here.

Holding me.

I stare into the darkness trying to shut out the light coming from the window.

feeling completely numb .

I feel my eye lids become heavy.

"please Sleep ."

I hear my subconscious mind before everything turns to dankness.

I sleep.

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AN :

Anxiety attacks can hit anytime and anywhere.