31 Chapter Thirty one

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Maybe that was the reason they had come over so often. The reason why Draco and Daphne tried to distract me and the reason why Theodore stayed longer and quiet as we huddled together in the library reading our books in peace. The reason why Astoria always brought me happy cakes, which were meant to cheer people up.

My heart ached badly, I felt betrayed for some part but I also knew that it was hard for them to act normal around me while I was breaking down to pieces. What was the use of trying, the use of being the best.

I remember the happiness of being born in this world for the first time and the goal I had set to be the best I could possibly be. To get the best grades, to live a happy life with father, to maybe marrying someone I love or not. To get a job at the ministry of as a curse breaker, maybe head editor of witch weekly or the new Dumbledore.

All of that just seemed to shatter, all those aspirations seemed to die down. The little flame of happiness of viewing the future died down and the crumbling whisps of smoke that were left behind created something far more sinister, something dangerous.

From this moment one I was no longer on the line of good, the light side. nor was I on the dark side. I was in the middle where emotions died down and sympathy was just a facade. If I was not good enough I would make myself better.

I would no longer live by the chains of what would make father proud, I no longer saw the need for me to change my likes and dislikes so that Daphne and Astoria could like me, or to make sure Draco did not become my enemy. I would be strong so strong that I could defend myself.

From now on I would live for myself and myself only. I will only do as I please and I refuse to be changed by tradition, making father proud or adjusting myself. From now on I would only do things that would make me happy, make me strong and make me better than anyone else.

Now I understood Bellatrix, I understood how she must have felt and still does. How power can influence one to madness. How inferiority and pressure can create madness, but I won't become insane I am better than that. Better than her.

I would create my own legacy may it be bad or good. From now on I would not regret massive decisions I would make.